"We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell"
-Oscar Wilde
I recently had an IM comversation with a girl I know from law school. Her name is Megan. She remarked that I was very good at noticing the bad and not the good things that happen in life. I guess that when you've had the experiences that I've had, it gets really easy to notice the bad. It got me to thinking, something that I am also good at.
That night, I found out the ending to that weird dream I've been having. When I was given the chance to see what was beyond the edge of the world, I turned around. Just as I did that, a voice said, "Just like everything else. Stop looking behind you." At that moment, I realized what this dream was all about. I've been embracing the past and letting it take control of who I am now.
Wendell Berry once wrote, "The past is our definition. We may strive, with good reason, to escape it, or to escape what is bad in it, but we will escape it only by adding something better to it." For me, the past will always shape who I am. It's just that I've been embracing it too much. So much that I can't let go of it, despite it being spike-covered and the embrace is slowly killing me emotionally and socially.
I only have to ability to shape my one life. To live it how I want to live it. To do what I want to do with it. To make myself happy and to be happy doing it and to love life honestly, despite all the painful things that have happened in the past. And what have I done with it? Nothing very constructive. I have to ability to make life how I want to live it, and I have done the exact opposite.
I shaped my life into something negative. I've made my life, as Elbert Hubbard once said, "one damned thing after another." I'm burning inside with violent anger, making it my motivation. I've become bitter at everything, seeing the inherent corruption. I'm making my life Hell on Earth. I've isolated myself form everyone. I've built up walls to isolate myself so I will not get into the same situations that have hurt me in the past. Loneliness and solitude has become a refuge from the world, a bitter poison that destroys me, and something that makes me want to bang my head against the wall, wondering why the hell I am living and feeling this way.
And the price I've paid for this behavior, this insane clinging to the past, allowing it to shape my life into this living hell? I've let too many things die inside of me. Death is not a great loss. What dies inside of us while we live, that is the greatest loss.
I don't trust people; I'm suspicious of them. Even when I genuinely like a person, a small part of me wonders if they are hiding something. I dislike being touched. I find anything resembling affection towards me to be a sign of suspicion. I literally cringe from physical contact. From everyone, including girls. Even when I genuinely and truly like a person and find them attractive and want to be closer to them, I can't. I've built up so many emotional barriers that I find it hard to tell anyone that I like them or even love them. That I have genuine feelings toward them. People say that most people find saying "I love you" to be the easiest thing to say and showing how much you genuinely love them to be the hardest thing to do. Not for me. I find both hard to do. Maybe I'm naturally that way. Maybe I'm not, and I've just allowed the anger and bitterness to kill it off.
That's quite impressive, though something one does not want to happen. Love just doesn't die a natural death. You have to kill off the source from where it comes from. It dies of blindness and betrayals. It dies from illness and multiple wounds. It withers, it tarnishes, it wearies. And when it does, it takes a long time to refill it.
It's so hard for me to tell people how I truly feel. I've become reserved. It is hard for me to tell people that they are near and dear to me. What gives me some sort of pleasure in life. Even when I like them and I want to be closer than close to them, to share how I feel about them. God only knows how many times I wanted to say something to someone and lost all courage to do so, only because a part of me was afraid to say "I love you" to someone. I've lost so many opportunites to do so, only because I have put up all of these barriers and walls so I would not get hurt. It's painful. You want to say things to them, but you can't. And all because I've embraced a painful past and can't let go of it.
And it's hard to let go of it. It's really hard, despite knowing that embracing it has caused so much trouble for me on a personal level. If I do let go of it, what will remain? It's given me an identity and if I do let go, what identity will I have? I guess I will have to find out sooner or later. It will probably be for the better.
That's all for now. Later. Until we meet again.
Thursday, June 30, 2005
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Physical Contact
Hello. It's me again. Time for another update to the Un-Zone. I have managed to depress several people yesterday with yesterday's reflection on my past. Wait, it's not "I guess," it's more of "I know" I depressed them. I've become good at noticing all the bad stuff that happens in my life and I fail to find the good stuff that happens. Once you've gone throught what I have, you probably would have this outlook on people and life in general.
I can now add one more name to the "I Understand What You Meant" list. Welcome aboard. It's going to be one hell of a ride. The Un-Express is now travelling to a new destination. There are many more stops on this journey. Some of them good; some of them bad. If you do decide to leave, you'll leave as a different person.
I have an aversion to physical contact. I'm not a very touchy-feely person. Most of the times, I do not like people touching me in any way, shape or form. I particularly dislike physical contact of a more affectionate nature. There are several people in which I do allow this to happen, but they are people who I have known for quite a while, and the list is very short. I literally cringe when people touch me. Some times, I get cranky and lash out at them. Most of the times, I do a good job of hiding my discomfort, but sometimes, people notice. They say I look "unhappy" or "uncomfortable." Then they ask why. I don't answer. They know who they are. And there is a very long list of them.
This causes problems, especially with females. Body language does not lie. I can like a person and it can be a pleasurable contact, but a part of me just does not like it. I become withdrawn and it shows. The results of these encounters are obvious.
You know that phrase 'That which does not kill me, makes me stronger"? It's true in a way. All of those encounters where people have manipulated affection and kindness to get what they want have just made me build stronger walls to hide everything in. I've become a person where I don't get into those situations by avoiding people and having actual relationships with them. I think I should have become stronger in more constructive ways emotionally and socially.
That wasn't as sucky as yesterday, now was it? That's all for now.
I can now add one more name to the "I Understand What You Meant" list. Welcome aboard. It's going to be one hell of a ride. The Un-Express is now travelling to a new destination. There are many more stops on this journey. Some of them good; some of them bad. If you do decide to leave, you'll leave as a different person.
I have an aversion to physical contact. I'm not a very touchy-feely person. Most of the times, I do not like people touching me in any way, shape or form. I particularly dislike physical contact of a more affectionate nature. There are several people in which I do allow this to happen, but they are people who I have known for quite a while, and the list is very short. I literally cringe when people touch me. Some times, I get cranky and lash out at them. Most of the times, I do a good job of hiding my discomfort, but sometimes, people notice. They say I look "unhappy" or "uncomfortable." Then they ask why. I don't answer. They know who they are. And there is a very long list of them.
This causes problems, especially with females. Body language does not lie. I can like a person and it can be a pleasurable contact, but a part of me just does not like it. I become withdrawn and it shows. The results of these encounters are obvious.
You know that phrase 'That which does not kill me, makes me stronger"? It's true in a way. All of those encounters where people have manipulated affection and kindness to get what they want have just made me build stronger walls to hide everything in. I've become a person where I don't get into those situations by avoiding people and having actual relationships with them. I think I should have become stronger in more constructive ways emotionally and socially.
That wasn't as sucky as yesterday, now was it? That's all for now.
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
130 McCall Road, Manhattan KS
Hello and greetings from the Un-Zone. It's time for another update on the mundane things that are part of my not-so-average life. Today, I'm going to talk about the place I used to call home, Manhattan, KS and the address in which I used to reside, 130 McCall Road #217.
Well, the address I used to live in was not an apartment, as the #217 might suggest. No. It was a mobile home in a mobile home park. Yup. Your's truly used to live in a mobile home. I still think that most people don't know that. Even the ones I knew in Manhattan. I never told anyone. You all now can say a couple of jokes about Jerry Springer, white trash, and other ubiqitous jokes about things concerning mobile homes. I've heard them all. In a way, where I used to live fit in with the Jerry Springer jokes. It made Desparate Housewives seem tame, almost like the Brady Bunch.
If you do visit Manhattan and try to see this address, you'll notice that it doesn't exist anymore. Gone. Completely gone. In it's place is an industrial park with lots of asphalt and concrete. No trees. No basketball court. No field. Just asphalt and concrete.
I've always known this since the summer of 1998. It just never really hit me until I used Google Maps and typed in the old address. It's kind of sad to see concrete where your former house used to be. I almost wish I never typed that address in.
How it got to this state is an interesting story. It makes me a firm believer on why Kelo v. City of New London is a bullshit decision. If you haven't read this case, you really should. The following is probably a poorly done and stilted interpretation of the decision. "Public use" now includes tearing down residential areas if replacing them will bring in more "tax revenue." In simpler terms, if it brings in more money, then you are screwed if the city you live in will allow this to happen. Blight means anything. If it is "underdeveloped," it is blight. Supporters of this decision will use this to promote it as "good." They say that WalMart won't tear your house down, unless your city wants to. Ain't that nice. You own a home and your city says WalMart wants it. Here's fair market value. Sounds fair. I guess they didn't consider other things. I digress.
A bit of history. The owner of said mobile home park put it there before the zoning commission called that piece of land commercial use. The city couldn't do jack squat. The mobile home park would stay until the owner decided to sell. It was a residential zone.
Well, one day, the owned did decide to sell for an undisclosed amount of money. Of course, someone found out how much (several million dollars is a rough estimate). Why this sudden change? It so happened that the city of Manhattan had a change in heart with the designation of the land and their views on it changed greatly when a land development company said they could develop it and make it very profitable. Hence, the visions of increased profits came into the picture. Before this time, Dillons left and moved to a bigger store just across the street. It became easier for the company to persuade the owner to sell.
So, everyone had to move out by August. If you left something there and you didn't pick it up by August, it got bulldozed. Of course, you still had to pay August's rent and utilities. It got increased by the way. Did I mention that a substantial portion of the people there were elderly, and nearly all of them were low income. Yeah. You got it. Poor. It was the classic "Love, smooches, and screw you all later, cause I'm going to Europe" maneuver. Oh, I forgot. The owner DID go to Europe with the cash he made.
Considering the situation at hand, and how much we were hating Manhattan by the minute, this was the final straw. We moved to Lawrence.
You know, people will say that this is a really nice sob story. Too bad. Make the most out of the situation. Some might say that "I'll be able to look at this and laugh." Well, those people are fucking idiots. I still ain't finding this amusing. I never will. I still remember the people I met there. I remember shooting hoops. I remember lighting firecrackers on the Fourth of July. I remember playing hide and seek in the field behind my little piece of Manhattan. I have pictures that I look at from time to time. Still doesn't cut it. I spent over 16 years of my life there. It was my childhood, as if I had any. That's another story. I had a really bitter one. One that shaped my life and made me who I am.
I'm reminded of "Big Yellow Taxi" sung by the Counting Crows:
Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what youve got til its gone
They paved paradise
And put up a parking lot
I admit. It wasn't the greatest place to live in. Most would find living there to be depressing. In a way, it was. But it was where I spent a substantial part of my life. It was my home. Those early years where I should have been a child, but for some reason, skipped over due to events beyond my control. That is another story and another post that I might write about.
Most people won't be able to say that the address in which they used to live doesn't exist any more. I'm one of the few who can stand in some random building and say "This is where I used to live. Before they paved it over with asphalt and concrete." That is, if I ever decide to go to Manhattan. I seriously doubt I will any time soon. I can say that with a straight face and know it is the truth. Those bastards paved over my childhood. And I still hate them for it.
Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what youve got til its gone
They paved paradise
And put up a parking lot
That's all for now. Later.
Well, the address I used to live in was not an apartment, as the #217 might suggest. No. It was a mobile home in a mobile home park. Yup. Your's truly used to live in a mobile home. I still think that most people don't know that. Even the ones I knew in Manhattan. I never told anyone. You all now can say a couple of jokes about Jerry Springer, white trash, and other ubiqitous jokes about things concerning mobile homes. I've heard them all. In a way, where I used to live fit in with the Jerry Springer jokes. It made Desparate Housewives seem tame, almost like the Brady Bunch.
If you do visit Manhattan and try to see this address, you'll notice that it doesn't exist anymore. Gone. Completely gone. In it's place is an industrial park with lots of asphalt and concrete. No trees. No basketball court. No field. Just asphalt and concrete.
I've always known this since the summer of 1998. It just never really hit me until I used Google Maps and typed in the old address. It's kind of sad to see concrete where your former house used to be. I almost wish I never typed that address in.
How it got to this state is an interesting story. It makes me a firm believer on why Kelo v. City of New London is a bullshit decision. If you haven't read this case, you really should. The following is probably a poorly done and stilted interpretation of the decision. "Public use" now includes tearing down residential areas if replacing them will bring in more "tax revenue." In simpler terms, if it brings in more money, then you are screwed if the city you live in will allow this to happen. Blight means anything. If it is "underdeveloped," it is blight. Supporters of this decision will use this to promote it as "good." They say that WalMart won't tear your house down, unless your city wants to. Ain't that nice. You own a home and your city says WalMart wants it. Here's fair market value. Sounds fair. I guess they didn't consider other things. I digress.
A bit of history. The owner of said mobile home park put it there before the zoning commission called that piece of land commercial use. The city couldn't do jack squat. The mobile home park would stay until the owner decided to sell. It was a residential zone.
Well, one day, the owned did decide to sell for an undisclosed amount of money. Of course, someone found out how much (several million dollars is a rough estimate). Why this sudden change? It so happened that the city of Manhattan had a change in heart with the designation of the land and their views on it changed greatly when a land development company said they could develop it and make it very profitable. Hence, the visions of increased profits came into the picture. Before this time, Dillons left and moved to a bigger store just across the street. It became easier for the company to persuade the owner to sell.
So, everyone had to move out by August. If you left something there and you didn't pick it up by August, it got bulldozed. Of course, you still had to pay August's rent and utilities. It got increased by the way. Did I mention that a substantial portion of the people there were elderly, and nearly all of them were low income. Yeah. You got it. Poor. It was the classic "Love, smooches, and screw you all later, cause I'm going to Europe" maneuver. Oh, I forgot. The owner DID go to Europe with the cash he made.
Considering the situation at hand, and how much we were hating Manhattan by the minute, this was the final straw. We moved to Lawrence.
You know, people will say that this is a really nice sob story. Too bad. Make the most out of the situation. Some might say that "I'll be able to look at this and laugh." Well, those people are fucking idiots. I still ain't finding this amusing. I never will. I still remember the people I met there. I remember shooting hoops. I remember lighting firecrackers on the Fourth of July. I remember playing hide and seek in the field behind my little piece of Manhattan. I have pictures that I look at from time to time. Still doesn't cut it. I spent over 16 years of my life there. It was my childhood, as if I had any. That's another story. I had a really bitter one. One that shaped my life and made me who I am.
I'm reminded of "Big Yellow Taxi" sung by the Counting Crows:
Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what youve got til its gone
They paved paradise
And put up a parking lot
I admit. It wasn't the greatest place to live in. Most would find living there to be depressing. In a way, it was. But it was where I spent a substantial part of my life. It was my home. Those early years where I should have been a child, but for some reason, skipped over due to events beyond my control. That is another story and another post that I might write about.
Most people won't be able to say that the address in which they used to live doesn't exist any more. I'm one of the few who can stand in some random building and say "This is where I used to live. Before they paved it over with asphalt and concrete." That is, if I ever decide to go to Manhattan. I seriously doubt I will any time soon. I can say that with a straight face and know it is the truth. Those bastards paved over my childhood. And I still hate them for it.
Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what youve got til its gone
They paved paradise
And put up a parking lot
That's all for now. Later.
Monday, June 27, 2005
Conjunctivitis and Life
Hello. It's the regularly scheduled update to this blog. As I write this, the lights are dimmed from their normal brightness. Apparently, my left eye has become sensitive to bright lights and looking at such lights cause my eyes to water and causes temporary blindness.
I have bacterial conjunctivitis in my left eye. My right eye is perfectly fine...well, it's somewhat pink, but not as bad as my left eye. I am now taking eyedrops that burn like hell when I put them in. Apparently, it is becoming quite common this time of the year with college students. And they thought their red eyes were caused by excessive drinking and partying the night before.
My left eye looks really creepy, though not as bad as this morning. When I woke up, I thought something like a capillary burst, as my entire eye was an even shade of red. Gross. I finally went to a doctor this afternoon and it took just a few minutes for him to diagnose what was wrong. If I had waited until the next day or later, it probably would have gotten worse, as he noted there was something in my eye. Great. That would have sucked even more. That and it would have cost a lot more. I only had to pay $7 for the eyedrops.
Anyways...I tend to ramble when I write as I like finding tangents and tangents to tangents. I just have too much stuff crammed in my head. Which really confuses people when I explain how the PCR test used for DNA sequencing is related to Sherlock Holmes and bananas. Which, by the way, is a pretty interesting connection.
I like collecting quotes. I also find my life to be somewhat routine. I like my life to be well-ordered. I like many things to be well-ordered, to progress in a logical manner. Which is why I hate the grading system used by law schools, as it tends towards randomness. It still doesn't explain why I ramble off on tangents. Nor does it explain why I am finding this routine life to be dull and tedious. I really need to spice up my life, at least socially. It might help with the social issues I have. I digress too much.
An quote I ganked from the Internet:
"Live life fully while you're here. Experience everything. Take care of yourself and your friends. Have fun, be crazy, be weird. Go out and screw up! You're going to anyway, so you might as well enjoy the process. Take the opportunity to learn from your mistakes: find the cause of your problem and eliminate it. Don't try to be perfect; just be an excellent example of being human."
I think I might live my life a lot differently. It's time for me to experience the world.
That's all for now.
I have bacterial conjunctivitis in my left eye. My right eye is perfectly fine...well, it's somewhat pink, but not as bad as my left eye. I am now taking eyedrops that burn like hell when I put them in. Apparently, it is becoming quite common this time of the year with college students. And they thought their red eyes were caused by excessive drinking and partying the night before.
My left eye looks really creepy, though not as bad as this morning. When I woke up, I thought something like a capillary burst, as my entire eye was an even shade of red. Gross. I finally went to a doctor this afternoon and it took just a few minutes for him to diagnose what was wrong. If I had waited until the next day or later, it probably would have gotten worse, as he noted there was something in my eye. Great. That would have sucked even more. That and it would have cost a lot more. I only had to pay $7 for the eyedrops.
Anyways...I tend to ramble when I write as I like finding tangents and tangents to tangents. I just have too much stuff crammed in my head. Which really confuses people when I explain how the PCR test used for DNA sequencing is related to Sherlock Holmes and bananas. Which, by the way, is a pretty interesting connection.
I like collecting quotes. I also find my life to be somewhat routine. I like my life to be well-ordered. I like many things to be well-ordered, to progress in a logical manner. Which is why I hate the grading system used by law schools, as it tends towards randomness. It still doesn't explain why I ramble off on tangents. Nor does it explain why I am finding this routine life to be dull and tedious. I really need to spice up my life, at least socially. It might help with the social issues I have. I digress too much.
An quote I ganked from the Internet:
"Live life fully while you're here. Experience everything. Take care of yourself and your friends. Have fun, be crazy, be weird. Go out and screw up! You're going to anyway, so you might as well enjoy the process. Take the opportunity to learn from your mistakes: find the cause of your problem and eliminate it. Don't try to be perfect; just be an excellent example of being human."
I think I might live my life a lot differently. It's time for me to experience the world.
That's all for now.
Sunday, June 26, 2005
Female Friends...Not THAT Kind of "Friend"
Hello. It's me again. I was going to post this tomorrow, but I decided to post it up today. I've been thinking a lot lately, maybe too much. I wonder why I even have friends and acquaintances, despite all of the weird quirks and sometimes strange behavior that I exhibit. I'm not too sure as to what makes me so interesting to other people such that they want to associate with me. Megan, a girl I've known since middle school, as well as a person I e-mail from time to time, says that I am intelligent, funny, and interesting. By interesting, she does not mean a codeword for "strange" or one of the numerous synonyms, but I believe in a more nicer way. Hell, this even makes me wonder even more why I have female friends and acquaintances.
Let's see...a quick catergorization of all the female friends and acquaintances I have
1. The MMS Dynamic Duo. These are two girls who are the very best of friends. They e-mail and phone each other on a constant basis. If you see them, dispite the obvious differences in appearance, you would think that they are sisters separated at birth. Totally inseparable. I've known them since my days at Manhattan Middle School, which was nearly 10 years ago. They're funny, kind, sweet, intelligent, interesting, amusing, quirky, and the nicest people you will ever meet. That also, they and their circle of friends are the nicest and friendliest people. I never cease to amaze myself at how I even managed to meet them, let alone stay in contact with them.
2. The Lawrence Girls. These are the girls I know from LHS. Again, they are friendly, funny, and interesting. I see them from time to time while in Lawrence. Ah...I still remember those days at LHS with great fondness. Well, sometimes. The people I met there were really cool. I had some less pleasant moments there, but all in all, it was good.
3. The European Contingent. Ah...women from Europe. I met a large variety of them while spending a summer at Harvard University. It was after my junior year in high school. One of the best times of my life. There is nothing like meeting a European female, especially those from France, Italy, and most Scandinavian countries. Wow. Double wow. Triple wow. They're sophisticated, funny, witty, always fashionable, and they have a certain air, an indescribable something about them. It's a quality that has to be experienced personally to understand it.
They found something interesting about me, as they frequently acquainted themselves at the dorm I was staying in. Maybe it was because one of my roommates was French--a fellow European--and I was interesting because of the almost-mythical aura he had and I was just inside the fringes of the afterglow. I'm not so sure what it was, but it was nice to be recognized by them. They found the manner in which I dressed to be much better than most people, which was a good thing to them. They found it hard to believe I was in high school; they though I was in college or something. They still didn't believe it, even after I showed then the driver's license. Maybe nice isn't the right way to describe it. It was a whole lot better than nice to say the least. Especially when they are attractive females.
Anyways, I would greet them at the door and I would say a greeting in the appropriate language. They liked that. I would give them a chilled drink from the two mini-fridges I had "rented" from the Harvard Housing Services. HHS gave them to me, despite me not asking for them. Never billed me either. I guess they used the "close enough" theory of delivery. It might not be right, but it's close enough to count. Someone is paying for it anyways. The weather was hot and muggy while I was there, almost Kansas-like. They found the drinks to be welcome after being out in the heat. They found the gesture European in a way. Then it would be friendly conversation. Most of the times, they were there to see Jean-Baptiste, the French roommate. Sometimes, they just came there to relax, as in our dorm, there was a premium stereo and speaker system, a DVD player, and other cool items for entertainment. Very nice. Hell, it ain't every day when you regularly see good-looking females outside your door. I miss those days.
4. Women in Law. Law school at KU. Nothing like law school. It's easier to become friendly with people at law school. You have at least two things in common, which makes socializing much easier. You are both alive and you are in law school. Even better, if you like drinking socially or just like drinking in general, you have a third thing in common.
At this moment, I have some ideas why they are friends and acquaintances. I can do impressions. Some very well. My Woody Allen cracks people up every time...especially when I do the "Adoption" bit. I can do a pretty reasonable Macy Gray. I say "hello" to everyone I know. The font of random knowledge can be entertaining, especially when you can pull a totally random case that shoots the established legal rule out of the water. Torts I has never been the same. Oh, and it also can be entertaining when the trivia you pull out is something unexpected like the color of crack-cocaine, how to manufacture methamphetamine, or when exactly did a certain event in legal history occur. Not only the year, but the exact day and month.
I surely have been cursed and blessed in a strange way. I have an improbably high number of females as friends and acquaitances, but an equally mind-boggling lack of luck when it comes to serious relationships. What can I say? Maybe I should just consider myself just lucky to even know them.
That's all for now.
Let's see...a quick catergorization of all the female friends and acquaintances I have
1. The MMS Dynamic Duo. These are two girls who are the very best of friends. They e-mail and phone each other on a constant basis. If you see them, dispite the obvious differences in appearance, you would think that they are sisters separated at birth. Totally inseparable. I've known them since my days at Manhattan Middle School, which was nearly 10 years ago. They're funny, kind, sweet, intelligent, interesting, amusing, quirky, and the nicest people you will ever meet. That also, they and their circle of friends are the nicest and friendliest people. I never cease to amaze myself at how I even managed to meet them, let alone stay in contact with them.
2. The Lawrence Girls. These are the girls I know from LHS. Again, they are friendly, funny, and interesting. I see them from time to time while in Lawrence. Ah...I still remember those days at LHS with great fondness. Well, sometimes. The people I met there were really cool. I had some less pleasant moments there, but all in all, it was good.
3. The European Contingent. Ah...women from Europe. I met a large variety of them while spending a summer at Harvard University. It was after my junior year in high school. One of the best times of my life. There is nothing like meeting a European female, especially those from France, Italy, and most Scandinavian countries. Wow. Double wow. Triple wow. They're sophisticated, funny, witty, always fashionable, and they have a certain air, an indescribable something about them. It's a quality that has to be experienced personally to understand it.
They found something interesting about me, as they frequently acquainted themselves at the dorm I was staying in. Maybe it was because one of my roommates was French--a fellow European--and I was interesting because of the almost-mythical aura he had and I was just inside the fringes of the afterglow. I'm not so sure what it was, but it was nice to be recognized by them. They found the manner in which I dressed to be much better than most people, which was a good thing to them. They found it hard to believe I was in high school; they though I was in college or something. They still didn't believe it, even after I showed then the driver's license. Maybe nice isn't the right way to describe it. It was a whole lot better than nice to say the least. Especially when they are attractive females.
Anyways, I would greet them at the door and I would say a greeting in the appropriate language. They liked that. I would give them a chilled drink from the two mini-fridges I had "rented" from the Harvard Housing Services. HHS gave them to me, despite me not asking for them. Never billed me either. I guess they used the "close enough" theory of delivery. It might not be right, but it's close enough to count. Someone is paying for it anyways. The weather was hot and muggy while I was there, almost Kansas-like. They found the drinks to be welcome after being out in the heat. They found the gesture European in a way. Then it would be friendly conversation. Most of the times, they were there to see Jean-Baptiste, the French roommate. Sometimes, they just came there to relax, as in our dorm, there was a premium stereo and speaker system, a DVD player, and other cool items for entertainment. Very nice. Hell, it ain't every day when you regularly see good-looking females outside your door. I miss those days.
4. Women in Law. Law school at KU. Nothing like law school. It's easier to become friendly with people at law school. You have at least two things in common, which makes socializing much easier. You are both alive and you are in law school. Even better, if you like drinking socially or just like drinking in general, you have a third thing in common.
At this moment, I have some ideas why they are friends and acquaintances. I can do impressions. Some very well. My Woody Allen cracks people up every time...especially when I do the "Adoption" bit. I can do a pretty reasonable Macy Gray. I say "hello" to everyone I know. The font of random knowledge can be entertaining, especially when you can pull a totally random case that shoots the established legal rule out of the water. Torts I has never been the same. Oh, and it also can be entertaining when the trivia you pull out is something unexpected like the color of crack-cocaine, how to manufacture methamphetamine, or when exactly did a certain event in legal history occur. Not only the year, but the exact day and month.
I surely have been cursed and blessed in a strange way. I have an improbably high number of females as friends and acquaitances, but an equally mind-boggling lack of luck when it comes to serious relationships. What can I say? Maybe I should just consider myself just lucky to even know them.
That's all for now.
IgNobel Awards
We have the Nobel Prize, an award given to those who are the best and greatest in their respected fields. Though, I must admit that some of the winners in the Literature department are unknown and not heard of. Come on, I haven't heard of 3/4 of the winners and I was a freaking English major. They didn't give the Literature Nobel to some of the finest writers in any language, but they gave it to notables like Rabindranath Tagore, Patrick WHite, and Odysseus Elytis. Yes, they did honor Kipling, Yeats, and Faulkner, but a lot of the names mentioned are well...obscure. The Nobel committee had to strain to come up with a reason why they were nominated: "because of his outstanding merits as an epic writer," which is as nondescript a reason to give an award to a writer.
Anyways, what about an award for achievements that "cannot or should not be reproduced"? Those monumental achievements that defy logic and sound too bizarre, too strange, or too improbable to be true. Hence, the IgNobel Awards.
Some of the prize winners include a man who did research on the effect of Prozac on the reproductive system of clams, a woman who supposedly lives on nothing but air, and doctors who waded through hundreds of years of journals to write the seminal paper on ovjects found in the rectum. Quite bizarre. Very true. There's also the book, which makes for entertaining reading, especially when read aloud with large groups of people nearby. All in all, pretty funny stuff.
That's all for now.
The IgNobel Website/Annals of Improbable Research
www.improbable.com
Anyways, what about an award for achievements that "cannot or should not be reproduced"? Those monumental achievements that defy logic and sound too bizarre, too strange, or too improbable to be true. Hence, the IgNobel Awards.
Some of the prize winners include a man who did research on the effect of Prozac on the reproductive system of clams, a woman who supposedly lives on nothing but air, and doctors who waded through hundreds of years of journals to write the seminal paper on ovjects found in the rectum. Quite bizarre. Very true. There's also the book, which makes for entertaining reading, especially when read aloud with large groups of people nearby. All in all, pretty funny stuff.
That's all for now.
The IgNobel Website/Annals of Improbable Research
www.improbable.com
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Living On The Edge
Greetings and welcome back to the Un-Zone. It's time for another post in this blog. I hope for those who read this blog, the entries have been entertaining or have given some insight into who I am as a person. Comments are welcome, but please try no to use "Anonymous." At least come up with some name, even if it is dorky. Anonymous is so passe. And another thing. The stuff I write about might be uninteresting to you. It might be amazingly obvious. Deal with it. It's my blog and I will write about whatever the hell I feel like. If you want to comment on how stupid it is or what I am saying sounds obvious, fine. Even if you want to state how self-inflating I am becasue I am a law student and because of that, I must think everything I say must be important, go ahead.
Anyways...back to the topic I am going to write about.
I am having the weirdest dream lately. I'm not exactly sure how to describe it. I hear shadowy voices telling me to come closer and closer. It's total darkness. I can't see anything. I have the feeling that the voices are familiar, but I can't exactly name who they are. I listen to what they say and I follow their instructions. I walk and walk. Then they tell me to stop. I stop.
The voices say, "Welcome to the edge of the world. Come closer. Look over and see what is beyond..." I find myself walking right up to the edge. My toes are just dangling over. Just when I see the darkness disappearing, right at the moment I can see what's beyond, the dream ends.
Then I wake up, wondering what the hell did I dream and what in the world does it mean. It's disturbing, but strangely fascinating at the same time. I want to know what happens, but I don't at the same time. Maybe it's a message telling me to be daring for once and make changes in my life. Live it at full speed. Or it could be something else, something I don't want to know.
I'll find out the ending to this dream, whether I like it or not.
That's all for now. Goodbye from Jayhawk Country.
Anyways...back to the topic I am going to write about.
I am having the weirdest dream lately. I'm not exactly sure how to describe it. I hear shadowy voices telling me to come closer and closer. It's total darkness. I can't see anything. I have the feeling that the voices are familiar, but I can't exactly name who they are. I listen to what they say and I follow their instructions. I walk and walk. Then they tell me to stop. I stop.
The voices say, "Welcome to the edge of the world. Come closer. Look over and see what is beyond..." I find myself walking right up to the edge. My toes are just dangling over. Just when I see the darkness disappearing, right at the moment I can see what's beyond, the dream ends.
Then I wake up, wondering what the hell did I dream and what in the world does it mean. It's disturbing, but strangely fascinating at the same time. I want to know what happens, but I don't at the same time. Maybe it's a message telling me to be daring for once and make changes in my life. Live it at full speed. Or it could be something else, something I don't want to know.
I'll find out the ending to this dream, whether I like it or not.
That's all for now. Goodbye from Jayhawk Country.
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Summer, Towels, and Fighting Losing Battles
Hello. It's an update for the Un-Zone, the blog that has the strange, amusing, humorous, and possibly rational thoughts of yours truly. I'm not exactly sure what I am going to write about today, as nothing very interesting happened. And I don't feel like writing about how isolated I feel in this world. I also don't have any random rants to write about, let alone something funny. I guess I will ramble on nothing in particular until I get tired.
I must remind myself that I should try to limit wearing dark-colored clothes when it is over 90 degrees outside. It may be fine when one is inside a nice, air-conditioned building, but when you go inside a car sitting in the sun for several hours, it is not good.
Ah, the joys of summer in Kansas. High temperatures and high humidity. I hate very hot weather. I wonder why I still even live here, despite my obvious dislike of such temperatures. I also wonder why I must have hot weather for it to be summer in Kansas despite said dislike of hot weather. I guess I am so used to the heat and humidity, that it isn't summer until you hit over 90 for an entire week, then proceed for a couple days in triple-digits. As Gary Lezak would say, "It's HOT, HOT, HOT! Will it hit a hundred? Find out in my forecast!" I really find that intro pretty annoying. I guess I should thank the remote control gods for disabling the "4" button, as I will not see Gary Lezak say this preposterous line in his "excited about the weather" voice. I digress. It is a bad habit of mine.
I like cleaning stuff, but it has to be done in a certain way--my way or it isn't done right. You name it, I like cleaning it. Almost to the point of it being a mad obsession. Laundry, dishes, my room, everything. Well, not everything, but you get the picture. It must be a remnant of my obsessive-compulsive cleaning habits when I was younger. Doing the laundry is conforting in a strange way. It is very calming for me for some reason. Weirdly enough, I get psychotic if the towels aren't folded in a certain way, even when the towels aren't mine. I have to have them folded in a certain way. If not, I have to refold them or I am not happy with how they are. Great. Never invite to your house to do the laundry, especially if you are cleaning towels. Never show them to me or I will refold them so they fit my towel-folding aesthetic.
I find myself fighting battles that I know, ultimately, I will lose. And if I do manage to win, I end up worse off than I started. It's pretty stupid when I think about it. For instance, someone might tell me that they want to "do X" , where X is a certain action that is supposedly important to that person. And yet, they do nothing. They make excuses. They find other things to do, other than what is needed to get X done. I admit, I am guilty of this like everyone else. I do get apathetic and not want to do certain things. In the end, despite such misgivings, I still do what's needed. As Richard Marcinko once said, "Thou hast not to like it; thou just hast to do it." You might not like doing something, but if you have to do it, you have to do it. Of course, there are certain limitations to the action proposed, but it is a good general principle.
I get angry; I get pissed off; I vent and rant and rage and wonder why the hell can't this person see things as I see it, as it is the obviously correct way. I shouldn't get angry about it. I shouldn't get frustrated. I probably shouldn't be involved in it and not be focusing on the subject more than the other person. I can't change the person's attitude, behavior, etc. The only person I can change is myself. The only person who should be angry is the other person. And yet, despite knowing this, I still try to change the other person and get into losing battles. Damn. In the end, I end up screwing myself over by getting angry over something I have no control over. Time to change that little habit, or at least try to temper it a bit.
That's all for now.
I must remind myself that I should try to limit wearing dark-colored clothes when it is over 90 degrees outside. It may be fine when one is inside a nice, air-conditioned building, but when you go inside a car sitting in the sun for several hours, it is not good.
Ah, the joys of summer in Kansas. High temperatures and high humidity. I hate very hot weather. I wonder why I still even live here, despite my obvious dislike of such temperatures. I also wonder why I must have hot weather for it to be summer in Kansas despite said dislike of hot weather. I guess I am so used to the heat and humidity, that it isn't summer until you hit over 90 for an entire week, then proceed for a couple days in triple-digits. As Gary Lezak would say, "It's HOT, HOT, HOT! Will it hit a hundred? Find out in my forecast!" I really find that intro pretty annoying. I guess I should thank the remote control gods for disabling the "4" button, as I will not see Gary Lezak say this preposterous line in his "excited about the weather" voice. I digress. It is a bad habit of mine.
I like cleaning stuff, but it has to be done in a certain way--my way or it isn't done right. You name it, I like cleaning it. Almost to the point of it being a mad obsession. Laundry, dishes, my room, everything. Well, not everything, but you get the picture. It must be a remnant of my obsessive-compulsive cleaning habits when I was younger. Doing the laundry is conforting in a strange way. It is very calming for me for some reason. Weirdly enough, I get psychotic if the towels aren't folded in a certain way, even when the towels aren't mine. I have to have them folded in a certain way. If not, I have to refold them or I am not happy with how they are. Great. Never invite to your house to do the laundry, especially if you are cleaning towels. Never show them to me or I will refold them so they fit my towel-folding aesthetic.
I find myself fighting battles that I know, ultimately, I will lose. And if I do manage to win, I end up worse off than I started. It's pretty stupid when I think about it. For instance, someone might tell me that they want to "do X" , where X is a certain action that is supposedly important to that person. And yet, they do nothing. They make excuses. They find other things to do, other than what is needed to get X done. I admit, I am guilty of this like everyone else. I do get apathetic and not want to do certain things. In the end, despite such misgivings, I still do what's needed. As Richard Marcinko once said, "Thou hast not to like it; thou just hast to do it." You might not like doing something, but if you have to do it, you have to do it. Of course, there are certain limitations to the action proposed, but it is a good general principle.
I get angry; I get pissed off; I vent and rant and rage and wonder why the hell can't this person see things as I see it, as it is the obviously correct way. I shouldn't get angry about it. I shouldn't get frustrated. I probably shouldn't be involved in it and not be focusing on the subject more than the other person. I can't change the person's attitude, behavior, etc. The only person I can change is myself. The only person who should be angry is the other person. And yet, despite knowing this, I still try to change the other person and get into losing battles. Damn. In the end, I end up screwing myself over by getting angry over something I have no control over. Time to change that little habit, or at least try to temper it a bit.
That's all for now.
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
I'm A Celebrity...Who Cares?
I'm surprised at how obsessed people can get with celebrities. Well, maybe surprised isn't the best word to describe how I feel about this love affair people have. The most apt words to describe how I feel probably aren't allowed on the Internet.
It's amazing, almost disgustingly so, how people can revolve their lives around such a trivial thing and make it sound like if they don't know what Tom Cruise or Paris Hilton is doing, their own life isn't good enough. It a way, it implies their own lives have no value unless they can substitute the life of a celebrity to make up for what they are lacking. The logic is siple, if not stupid. My life is boring; it sucks; I guess it isn't that exciting, let alone important. Therefore, I will substitute Brad Pitt's life for mine. If something happens in his life, my life will be more exciting and more worthwhile to live. I find fantasizing about living the life of anyone else to be foolish.
I also find it amazing how the news can turn the most ordinary event into a shocking news story if it involves a celebrity. This is most likely reflective of how many sheeplike people there are in the world. It's like everyone is suckered by the flash and lack of substance and not thinking logically about these things.
A. Famous person dies. News reporters may spend weeks talking about how it is a great loss and the person will be missed. Millions of people cry and vent out more emotions for a person they have not seen in real life, let alone known in real life than for their own friends and family members. If it is an especially famous person like Princess Diana, they might hyperbolize the importance of the person and call the death a "tragedy." No, it is not a tragedy. Innocent people dying in a war is a tragedy. People starving to death due to famine is a tragedy. People living in abject poverty is a tragedy. Getting into a car being driven by a drunk driver taking pills for suicide, driving at a hundred miles an hour in a dark tunnel, and then crashing into a steel-reinforced concrete pole, all while not wearing a seatbelt and leaving your kids in a different country is not tragic. Most would call it pretty stupid.
I'm not heartless. I'm telling it like it is. If it were Joe Schmoe from some podunk farming town in North Dakota, everyone will call him a damn moron. The news will do a thirty second blurb and imply he is another statistic. No one will send a camera crew and spend several hours at the funeral, interrupting it to give comments. A famous rock musician will not write a song to mourn the death. The most the guy can expect is a couple paragraphs in the obituary section. When I heard Diana died, I turned off the TV. Everyone else I knew talked about it and got emotional, calling it a tragedy that she died young. I kept my mouth shut as I probably would have been stoned if I called it like it was.
B. Famous celebrity gets married. Whoopdeedoo. I hope their all happy, cause their marriage will most likely end in divorce. It's some shocking event for some reason. Almost as if celebrities aren't human in some way. Rich, a guy I know from law school is getting married. I find that more important than some celebrity getting married. (Hey, good luck and much love Rich. You're marrying someone special and I hope you are happy for the rest of your life.) Someone famous gets married, and it's some holy shit moment. As much as the respected news media wants to do serious stories (which they don't, as it doesn't get ratings), they will inevitably spend too much time analyzing the event as if it were a nuclear bomb test. Which shows how much I don't like TV media, as it is mindless drivel being driven by equally mindless Americans who don't give a damn about actual news.
C. Famous celebrity gets divorced. Again, whoop-de-fricking-doo. I would have NEVER EVER in my entire life guessed that famous people get divorced. For some reason, if a celebrity gets divorced, it is a "shocking" event that "no one expected to happen." Apparently, in addition to not marrying, celebrities always have perfect weddings and never divorce. Any one else, and they are another statistic for the census bureau or a study.
D. Famous person gets into trouble with the law. Man, I would have never guess that famous people get DUIs, hit people, get arrested, do drugs, see prostitutes, and what other hijinks they get into. If I got into trouble, let alone anyone who is not famous, I would be another statistic and the news could care less. In addition, I probably would get hit with the maximum sentence and immediately tossed into jail because I am a stupid moron without any cash. A celebrity who gets into trouble, most often, will get a slap on the wrist and get community service. If I hit a person with a car, I get a jail sentence. If I were Halle Berry, I can claim I didn't see the person, lost my mind, forgot I did anything wrong, and drive away with a fine and some community service. As they cynically say, "You are innocent until proven broke." Given that fact, I am automatically guilty.
E. Famous person does anything. They could brush their teeth and it becomes a major news event. Famous person is dating someone equally famous or not so famous. On the morning news faster than a story about a mass murderer roaming the US. With more publicity than the killer also. Interestingly enough, it is estimated that there are at least fifty unknown serial killers roaming the US at any given time. One for every state. Most don't know that, but everyone knows that Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise got engaged in Paris. I get a date, which at this moment is highly unlikely to happen anytime soon, and odds are, very few people will notice or even care. Well, there are some people I could think of. Not that many. But there are some.
Go on back and worship another celebrity and put some "real" meaning into your supposedly miserable lives just like all the other people in this world. Kind of makes you feel special, doesn't it?
That's all for now. Later.
It's amazing, almost disgustingly so, how people can revolve their lives around such a trivial thing and make it sound like if they don't know what Tom Cruise or Paris Hilton is doing, their own life isn't good enough. It a way, it implies their own lives have no value unless they can substitute the life of a celebrity to make up for what they are lacking. The logic is siple, if not stupid. My life is boring; it sucks; I guess it isn't that exciting, let alone important. Therefore, I will substitute Brad Pitt's life for mine. If something happens in his life, my life will be more exciting and more worthwhile to live. I find fantasizing about living the life of anyone else to be foolish.
I also find it amazing how the news can turn the most ordinary event into a shocking news story if it involves a celebrity. This is most likely reflective of how many sheeplike people there are in the world. It's like everyone is suckered by the flash and lack of substance and not thinking logically about these things.
A. Famous person dies. News reporters may spend weeks talking about how it is a great loss and the person will be missed. Millions of people cry and vent out more emotions for a person they have not seen in real life, let alone known in real life than for their own friends and family members. If it is an especially famous person like Princess Diana, they might hyperbolize the importance of the person and call the death a "tragedy." No, it is not a tragedy. Innocent people dying in a war is a tragedy. People starving to death due to famine is a tragedy. People living in abject poverty is a tragedy. Getting into a car being driven by a drunk driver taking pills for suicide, driving at a hundred miles an hour in a dark tunnel, and then crashing into a steel-reinforced concrete pole, all while not wearing a seatbelt and leaving your kids in a different country is not tragic. Most would call it pretty stupid.
I'm not heartless. I'm telling it like it is. If it were Joe Schmoe from some podunk farming town in North Dakota, everyone will call him a damn moron. The news will do a thirty second blurb and imply he is another statistic. No one will send a camera crew and spend several hours at the funeral, interrupting it to give comments. A famous rock musician will not write a song to mourn the death. The most the guy can expect is a couple paragraphs in the obituary section. When I heard Diana died, I turned off the TV. Everyone else I knew talked about it and got emotional, calling it a tragedy that she died young. I kept my mouth shut as I probably would have been stoned if I called it like it was.
B. Famous celebrity gets married. Whoopdeedoo. I hope their all happy, cause their marriage will most likely end in divorce. It's some shocking event for some reason. Almost as if celebrities aren't human in some way. Rich, a guy I know from law school is getting married. I find that more important than some celebrity getting married. (Hey, good luck and much love Rich. You're marrying someone special and I hope you are happy for the rest of your life.) Someone famous gets married, and it's some holy shit moment. As much as the respected news media wants to do serious stories (which they don't, as it doesn't get ratings), they will inevitably spend too much time analyzing the event as if it were a nuclear bomb test. Which shows how much I don't like TV media, as it is mindless drivel being driven by equally mindless Americans who don't give a damn about actual news.
C. Famous celebrity gets divorced. Again, whoop-de-fricking-doo. I would have NEVER EVER in my entire life guessed that famous people get divorced. For some reason, if a celebrity gets divorced, it is a "shocking" event that "no one expected to happen." Apparently, in addition to not marrying, celebrities always have perfect weddings and never divorce. Any one else, and they are another statistic for the census bureau or a study.
D. Famous person gets into trouble with the law. Man, I would have never guess that famous people get DUIs, hit people, get arrested, do drugs, see prostitutes, and what other hijinks they get into. If I got into trouble, let alone anyone who is not famous, I would be another statistic and the news could care less. In addition, I probably would get hit with the maximum sentence and immediately tossed into jail because I am a stupid moron without any cash. A celebrity who gets into trouble, most often, will get a slap on the wrist and get community service. If I hit a person with a car, I get a jail sentence. If I were Halle Berry, I can claim I didn't see the person, lost my mind, forgot I did anything wrong, and drive away with a fine and some community service. As they cynically say, "You are innocent until proven broke." Given that fact, I am automatically guilty.
E. Famous person does anything. They could brush their teeth and it becomes a major news event. Famous person is dating someone equally famous or not so famous. On the morning news faster than a story about a mass murderer roaming the US. With more publicity than the killer also. Interestingly enough, it is estimated that there are at least fifty unknown serial killers roaming the US at any given time. One for every state. Most don't know that, but everyone knows that Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise got engaged in Paris. I get a date, which at this moment is highly unlikely to happen anytime soon, and odds are, very few people will notice or even care. Well, there are some people I could think of. Not that many. But there are some.
Go on back and worship another celebrity and put some "real" meaning into your supposedly miserable lives just like all the other people in this world. Kind of makes you feel special, doesn't it?
That's all for now. Later.
Monday, June 20, 2005
The No-News News
The news on television can best be described as mindless drivel. The same stories recycled over and over again, with a few "updates" to keep the news fresh, with little content that redeems from the depths of foolish idiocy that it drinks deeply from. It rarely goes into anything serious, and when it does, it cheapens and dumbs it down into fluff. God forbid interrupting a story about cheap fashions with a newsworthy event like solidiers dying in Iraq, defending America from "the evil terrorist network." I think it is reflective of American society and how it could care less about what happens in the world today, let alone events from their backyard, and more concerned about what happened on their favorite TV show or what happened to their favorite celebrity.
The news begins with an early morning local news show. This show will last from 5:00 AM to 7:00 AM, and will repeat the same 30 minute chunk of news. If anything "new" happens, they will devote additional time telling those watching the news that "nothing new has happened since the last update" which was about two minutes ago. Ah, catering to the needs of "busy" Americans who bring their cellphones to movie theaters.
Then you have your national morning show, which interestingly enough, spends 30 minutes on actual news like national and world events, and spends the other hour and a half on fluff. You wouldn't want to spend the whole two hours of a morning news show with actual news. That would bore the hell out of Americans. No, you want to talk about celebrities, fashions, and other "important" things. You might learn that "diet and exercise is the best way to lose weight." Holy crap, like that took how much money and time to figure that one out? Did you also know that eating bread, grilled food, foods with food coloring, certain vegetables, foods with low carbs, high carbs, low fat, high fat, using shampoo, hairspray, and nearly everything else might be bad for you and you could possibly die? That and the evil terrorists might attack your no-name town with biological weapons? See? It's all mindless drivel that people will consume and store as "fact" without thinking about the preposterousness of it all. The next day, people don't eat certain things, do certain things, etc. just because it was on the news. Yet, people are still fat, still sick, still in the same position as they were before. Just more gullible. And it all came from the news, so it must be true.
You can actually learn what dresses that celebrities wore to the Oscars, what stores to get the best bargains, and you can also listen to a concert from a multi-platinum recording artist with little singing talent(most of the times, none at all), but is good looking and fits the sorely lacking consumer taste of the average American. Which, by most accounts, is none. Interestingly enough, Americans will buy this and buy that because everyone else has it and it must be true because it was mentioned in...guess where...the NEWS! As long as the record company can cash in with the sheep mentality of popular culture, they'll crank out whatever pisspoor hack America wants.
Then comes the news at noon. Just a rehash of the early show news, but with updates like the recent murder victim is still dead and the police have no suspect, that the injured people are still injured, and that the house burned down in the fire is still burned down. Utterly mindless drivel made to be comprehended by people with attention spans of a six-year old who ate a bag of Cocoa Puffs. After all, you might be an adult with adult ADD and not even know it according to the news, but you still can recite perfectly what happened in a two hour long movie without forgetting a single detail and that takes a whole lot of concentration.
The 5:00 PM news is a rehash of the news at noon, but with some more updates that show the dead guy is still dead, there are no suspects in the latest crime, and the weather forecast is still the same, but with some minor changes. You might get some new stories of interest, but it's unlikely.
At 5:30 PM, is the national news on CBS, NBC, and ABC. They actually do the news, but it is diluted with personal interest stories and other stuff that might qualify as news, but is more scare stories than anything else. This includes stories like "You might get this horrible disease if you do this" or "You could have your ID stolen by a hacker, but you probably can't operate a computer" or "The government wasted your money on an amazing stupid thing, but you really don't care what happens anyways since you are apathetic to care." And people will listen and think of it as true. Then they will not care after a while.
You then have the 6:00 PM news. It is the 5:00 PM, but different. Well, not that much.
The last news show of the day is the 10:00 PM news. This is the rehash of the 6:00 PM news, but with a sleazy, gutter-sucking "investigative" news story like child molesters online or scum landlords. After all, Americans don't care about the news, but if it sounds like a Jerry Springer story, then it's interesting. You gotta get the people to "watch" the news during sweeps, cause ratings count. Great. The news is not about reporting the news, but to get people to watch, just like everything else. How do I know? I saw it on the news.
Next up, a rant on mindless American culture and it's foolish obsession with celebrities.
That's all for now.
The news begins with an early morning local news show. This show will last from 5:00 AM to 7:00 AM, and will repeat the same 30 minute chunk of news. If anything "new" happens, they will devote additional time telling those watching the news that "nothing new has happened since the last update" which was about two minutes ago. Ah, catering to the needs of "busy" Americans who bring their cellphones to movie theaters.
Then you have your national morning show, which interestingly enough, spends 30 minutes on actual news like national and world events, and spends the other hour and a half on fluff. You wouldn't want to spend the whole two hours of a morning news show with actual news. That would bore the hell out of Americans. No, you want to talk about celebrities, fashions, and other "important" things. You might learn that "diet and exercise is the best way to lose weight." Holy crap, like that took how much money and time to figure that one out? Did you also know that eating bread, grilled food, foods with food coloring, certain vegetables, foods with low carbs, high carbs, low fat, high fat, using shampoo, hairspray, and nearly everything else might be bad for you and you could possibly die? That and the evil terrorists might attack your no-name town with biological weapons? See? It's all mindless drivel that people will consume and store as "fact" without thinking about the preposterousness of it all. The next day, people don't eat certain things, do certain things, etc. just because it was on the news. Yet, people are still fat, still sick, still in the same position as they were before. Just more gullible. And it all came from the news, so it must be true.
You can actually learn what dresses that celebrities wore to the Oscars, what stores to get the best bargains, and you can also listen to a concert from a multi-platinum recording artist with little singing talent(most of the times, none at all), but is good looking and fits the sorely lacking consumer taste of the average American. Which, by most accounts, is none. Interestingly enough, Americans will buy this and buy that because everyone else has it and it must be true because it was mentioned in...guess where...the NEWS! As long as the record company can cash in with the sheep mentality of popular culture, they'll crank out whatever pisspoor hack America wants.
Then comes the news at noon. Just a rehash of the early show news, but with updates like the recent murder victim is still dead and the police have no suspect, that the injured people are still injured, and that the house burned down in the fire is still burned down. Utterly mindless drivel made to be comprehended by people with attention spans of a six-year old who ate a bag of Cocoa Puffs. After all, you might be an adult with adult ADD and not even know it according to the news, but you still can recite perfectly what happened in a two hour long movie without forgetting a single detail and that takes a whole lot of concentration.
The 5:00 PM news is a rehash of the news at noon, but with some more updates that show the dead guy is still dead, there are no suspects in the latest crime, and the weather forecast is still the same, but with some minor changes. You might get some new stories of interest, but it's unlikely.
At 5:30 PM, is the national news on CBS, NBC, and ABC. They actually do the news, but it is diluted with personal interest stories and other stuff that might qualify as news, but is more scare stories than anything else. This includes stories like "You might get this horrible disease if you do this" or "You could have your ID stolen by a hacker, but you probably can't operate a computer" or "The government wasted your money on an amazing stupid thing, but you really don't care what happens anyways since you are apathetic to care." And people will listen and think of it as true. Then they will not care after a while.
You then have the 6:00 PM news. It is the 5:00 PM, but different. Well, not that much.
The last news show of the day is the 10:00 PM news. This is the rehash of the 6:00 PM news, but with a sleazy, gutter-sucking "investigative" news story like child molesters online or scum landlords. After all, Americans don't care about the news, but if it sounds like a Jerry Springer story, then it's interesting. You gotta get the people to "watch" the news during sweeps, cause ratings count. Great. The news is not about reporting the news, but to get people to watch, just like everything else. How do I know? I saw it on the news.
Next up, a rant on mindless American culture and it's foolish obsession with celebrities.
That's all for now.
Sunday, June 19, 2005
Greetings from the Un-Zone. I haven't felt like posting anything lately. In fact, I haven't felt like doing much of anything lately.
I got an e-mail from a girl I've known since my days in Manhattan, which was a long time ago. I've known her since the 8th grade. She read some of my blogs. She finds them very touching. It's nice to know someone who has a gift for empathy, someone who feels for other people. I can only hope to feel like a child in an adult world. Most days, I like a stranger in a strange land. I did feel much better after reading her e-mail.
I also got another e-mail. It was from a girl I met while I spent a summer at Harvard in 1999. Man, I really miss those weeks there. It was probably one of the few times I didn't feel so lousy about my life. Sure, I had my isolation problems, but I didn't feel so out of place. It was great. I could lose myself in Boston or in the numerous museums and libraries. I learned some fashion tips from the European contingent(girls and guys), sharpened my pool skills, and learned not to call an Israeli girl "hotti ha." That was a painful lesson. Never believe French guys prone to practical jokes. For those not versed in Hebrew, it is a crude term for beautiful, but not as so nice sounding. I digress...
Anyways, I gave this girl the nickname of "Porcelain Amazon." She was the female version of me, but she wasn't Asian and she was a hell of a lot better looking. Beautiful, cool, intelligent, strong-willed, somewhat distant and aloof. It was a shell for an emotionally fragile person. We got along pretty well. I was probably one of the few people who actually understood what she was going through.
She sent an e-mail telling me that she's doing a whole lot better. PA is doing a tour of Europe, visiting all the great cities and places. She's never been happier in her life. She even met a great guy. I'm glad she's doing very well.
At least there is some hope for me. I might find some people I can open up to, short of going to a psychiatrist. I might change my life and be more happy and less lonely and isolated.
That's all for now.
I got an e-mail from a girl I've known since my days in Manhattan, which was a long time ago. I've known her since the 8th grade. She read some of my blogs. She finds them very touching. It's nice to know someone who has a gift for empathy, someone who feels for other people. I can only hope to feel like a child in an adult world. Most days, I like a stranger in a strange land. I did feel much better after reading her e-mail.
I also got another e-mail. It was from a girl I met while I spent a summer at Harvard in 1999. Man, I really miss those weeks there. It was probably one of the few times I didn't feel so lousy about my life. Sure, I had my isolation problems, but I didn't feel so out of place. It was great. I could lose myself in Boston or in the numerous museums and libraries. I learned some fashion tips from the European contingent(girls and guys), sharpened my pool skills, and learned not to call an Israeli girl "hotti ha." That was a painful lesson. Never believe French guys prone to practical jokes. For those not versed in Hebrew, it is a crude term for beautiful, but not as so nice sounding. I digress...
Anyways, I gave this girl the nickname of "Porcelain Amazon." She was the female version of me, but she wasn't Asian and she was a hell of a lot better looking. Beautiful, cool, intelligent, strong-willed, somewhat distant and aloof. It was a shell for an emotionally fragile person. We got along pretty well. I was probably one of the few people who actually understood what she was going through.
She sent an e-mail telling me that she's doing a whole lot better. PA is doing a tour of Europe, visiting all the great cities and places. She's never been happier in her life. She even met a great guy. I'm glad she's doing very well.
At least there is some hope for me. I might find some people I can open up to, short of going to a psychiatrist. I might change my life and be more happy and less lonely and isolated.
That's all for now.
Thursday, June 16, 2005
Privacy and Drinking Tea from an Empty Cup
I recently read Shogun by James Clavell. It's a great historical romp through Japan during the height of the Tokugawa shogunate. A lot of the events happened, but liberties (historical inaccuracies) were taken to make it more exciting. The names are changed. The Christian rebellion occured in 1638 and not in 1600 as the book implies. There are a lot of other mistakes, but it's thoroughly enjoyable. Getting a minor in history does have its downsides, like remembering the tiniest details about a certain era.
It seems as if I have mastered several vital skills necessary to build what the Japanese call "wa," a term that roughly translates to "harmony" or "inner peace." Which is quite ironic, as I doubt that I have any inner peace of any sort. I find myself more confused than anything else. Some day, I'm not sure who I am. Who as in, not my name, but the more deeper who as in identity.
I've built up my walls of privacy. I can recess within myself and block out everything. I once became oblivious to a hailstorm and I was outside. In the rain. It wasn't until someone told me that there was hail that I actually noticed anything.
If I didn't block everything out, I'd go mad. Then again, because I have built up all of these walls, I am going mad also. It's so easy to fool people with the facade of smiles and kindness, the easy-going nature, the bursts of extroversion and sociability. We all deceive people. Some people fool the whole world. Some deceive certain people. A lot deceive themselves. I'm probably one of those who deceive themselves and a lot of other people. For some people, I am honest to them, as I trust them. Trust is hard for me to give.
But the hardest thing is to maintain this deception. From the time I leave my house till the time I get home, I maintain this. It gets tiring too often. I'm drained after I attend parties or other social events. Everything else that happens around me while I am in this little private world is a million miles away. I wonder how I manage to function sometimes. And yet, I keep on putting up the facade.
I can drink tea from an empty cup pretty well. It's quite astonishing that I can do so quite regularly. You have to imagine reality into an empty cup and sip it. It's easy, but difficult to do. To describe the feeling is hard to do. Best put, it gives meaning to life in a strange way.
Supposedly, if you can do that, you can find perfect tranquillity. I don't seem to have found this, even though I can drink tea from an empty cup quite well. Those who have done it say it comes easiest when you are extremely lonely or sad. Well, I must be the loneliest/saddest person out there. Or I can concentrate very well. Or I am good at imagining false reality into a cup. Any of those possibilities is depressing is some manner.
That's all for now. Time for me to drink tea from an empty cup again and to see if I find any inner peace.
It seems as if I have mastered several vital skills necessary to build what the Japanese call "wa," a term that roughly translates to "harmony" or "inner peace." Which is quite ironic, as I doubt that I have any inner peace of any sort. I find myself more confused than anything else. Some day, I'm not sure who I am. Who as in, not my name, but the more deeper who as in identity.
I've built up my walls of privacy. I can recess within myself and block out everything. I once became oblivious to a hailstorm and I was outside. In the rain. It wasn't until someone told me that there was hail that I actually noticed anything.
If I didn't block everything out, I'd go mad. Then again, because I have built up all of these walls, I am going mad also. It's so easy to fool people with the facade of smiles and kindness, the easy-going nature, the bursts of extroversion and sociability. We all deceive people. Some people fool the whole world. Some deceive certain people. A lot deceive themselves. I'm probably one of those who deceive themselves and a lot of other people. For some people, I am honest to them, as I trust them. Trust is hard for me to give.
But the hardest thing is to maintain this deception. From the time I leave my house till the time I get home, I maintain this. It gets tiring too often. I'm drained after I attend parties or other social events. Everything else that happens around me while I am in this little private world is a million miles away. I wonder how I manage to function sometimes. And yet, I keep on putting up the facade.
I can drink tea from an empty cup pretty well. It's quite astonishing that I can do so quite regularly. You have to imagine reality into an empty cup and sip it. It's easy, but difficult to do. To describe the feeling is hard to do. Best put, it gives meaning to life in a strange way.
Supposedly, if you can do that, you can find perfect tranquillity. I don't seem to have found this, even though I can drink tea from an empty cup quite well. Those who have done it say it comes easiest when you are extremely lonely or sad. Well, I must be the loneliest/saddest person out there. Or I can concentrate very well. Or I am good at imagining false reality into a cup. Any of those possibilities is depressing is some manner.
That's all for now. Time for me to drink tea from an empty cup again and to see if I find any inner peace.
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
Computer Crud
Hello. This is another update for this blog. During the summer, I have set a goal of updating this blog every day. So far, I have done a rather commendable job. I even updated twice on certain days. When the school year starts in August, well, this might be a whole lot more difficult. I will be lucky if I update every few days, let alone once a week. Anyways...
I fixed a computer at work today. It wasn't so bad. Though I have to admit that my boss is quite messy. It seems as if he hasn't cleaned anything in a long time. Like never. My God, I have never seen so much crud on a mouse ball and so much dirt in a keyboard in my entire life. I looked inside the case and I found things I never thought could inhabit such a spot. Ugh...
Apparently, his computer wasn't working so well. The keyboard stopped working, the mouse wasn't moving, and some programs were acting funny. The keyboard and mouse were easy. After cleaning the detrius from the mouse ball, it worked much better. The keyboard required a thorough cleaning. Compressed air and a vacuuming to get all the crud out.
Fixing the recalcitrant programs was much more difficult. I went through the basics. Then did some advanced stuff. Damn. Nothing worked. The programs weren't functioning properly. It was time for the Russian Repair Rule.
This is a politically incorrect term, but it is apt from a historical context. Russian computers during the Communist Era--that and many other things built during then--were notorious for breaking down and not working properly. The Rule, in it's basic form states if all else fails, beat the crap out of it.
So, while he wasn't looking, I hit the computer case several times. Then a couple more for good measure. Ah...everything worked properly. A little curious as what was inside, I opened the case (after turning everything off). Let's just say I should have not opened it. Not pretty. Put kindly, it required lots of cleaning. I really wanted to spray some disinfectant in there, but that would have made it worse. You gotta take a victory when you have one, no matter how minor it is. I reminded him to clean the mouse ball and keyboard every so often. And to keep the area a little neater.
So that's all I've got to say from this little part of Kansas, the home of KU basketball and all other things KU. That's all for now. later.
I fixed a computer at work today. It wasn't so bad. Though I have to admit that my boss is quite messy. It seems as if he hasn't cleaned anything in a long time. Like never. My God, I have never seen so much crud on a mouse ball and so much dirt in a keyboard in my entire life. I looked inside the case and I found things I never thought could inhabit such a spot. Ugh...
Apparently, his computer wasn't working so well. The keyboard stopped working, the mouse wasn't moving, and some programs were acting funny. The keyboard and mouse were easy. After cleaning the detrius from the mouse ball, it worked much better. The keyboard required a thorough cleaning. Compressed air and a vacuuming to get all the crud out.
Fixing the recalcitrant programs was much more difficult. I went through the basics. Then did some advanced stuff. Damn. Nothing worked. The programs weren't functioning properly. It was time for the Russian Repair Rule.
This is a politically incorrect term, but it is apt from a historical context. Russian computers during the Communist Era--that and many other things built during then--were notorious for breaking down and not working properly. The Rule, in it's basic form states if all else fails, beat the crap out of it.
So, while he wasn't looking, I hit the computer case several times. Then a couple more for good measure. Ah...everything worked properly. A little curious as what was inside, I opened the case (after turning everything off). Let's just say I should have not opened it. Not pretty. Put kindly, it required lots of cleaning. I really wanted to spray some disinfectant in there, but that would have made it worse. You gotta take a victory when you have one, no matter how minor it is. I reminded him to clean the mouse ball and keyboard every so often. And to keep the area a little neater.
So that's all I've got to say from this little part of Kansas, the home of KU basketball and all other things KU. That's all for now. later.
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
Another Chicago Parody
Hello and welcome. It's another post in the Un-Zone. I think I might change the blog description to something more interesting. What is already up there is fine, but it seems to lack a certain something. I'm not exactly sure. I think I might change it to "Official Site to all things Un, just without the membership fees of most fan clubs. That and the indoctrination ceremony of most cults." Yeah...
The sunlight is doing minor miracles for my brain. I am more creative. I work much better. In fact, I managed to write another Chicago song parody. The all natural vitamin D is good. It's law school based, but it does not focus on beer. That would have been overkill. Instead, it pokes fun at LexisNexis, quite possibly the greatest online research system ever. Some might consider it Westlaw. I like LexisNexis as for me, it is much easier to use. Ah...nothing like a legal research scism. Fans of the musical will recognize it as "Razzle Dazzle 'Em."
This is becoming quite fun. I particularly don't care if you copy it, spread it around, or burn it, thinking it to be sacrilegious to make fun of Chicago. Hey, at least you are finding enjoyment with the song in some way. That's why I write 'em.
Lexis Nexis 'Em
LAW SCHOOL GUIDE(Spoken)
Hey Ryan, this is John. He's a future student
RYAN(Spoken)
Thank you. Just a moment.
You ready?
JOHN(Spoken)
Hey Ryan, I'm scared. What's law school like?
RYAN(Spoken)
John, you got nothing to worry about.
It's all a circus, kid. A three ring circus.
These classess- the whole world- all show business.
But kid, you're with an experienced 3L, the brightest!
(Singing)
Breif cases on LexisNexis
LexisNexis 'em
Westlaw is great professionals use it
In every state and in every Circuit
Give 'em the old legal outlines
Brief and motion 'em
How can they fight with papers in their eyes?
What if your research is just lousy?
What if, it does, make you feel drowsy?
Lexis Nexis 'em
You're guaranteed a C!
Give 'em the old Lexis Nexis
RYAN AND 3Ls
Socratic Method is so tedious
RYAN
Rule after rule they'll go beat into us
RYAN AND 3Ls
Spout out the old legal jargon
Lie and bullshit 'em
RYAN
How can they fail you if you know the rules?
RYAN AND 3Ls
Make 'em think that you're a smart thinker
When instead you're a problem drinker,
RYAN
LexisNexis 'em
And you'll party much more!
RYAN AND 3Ls
Give 'em the old high court cases
Give 'em precedent
They like phrases like juris doctorate
But you know, you'll probably forget it
Who really knows jurisdiction
Is it here or there
Can't read the cases, go log on real fast
Your legal knowledge ain't that pretty
You're out of school before four thirty
LexisNexis 'em
And you always go pass!
3Ls(The same time as RYAN's)
Give 'em the old
LexisNexis
RYAN
Breif cases on LexisNexis
LexisNexis 'em
Regurgitate the Restatements right now
Your legal knowledge may be lacking
You can do well although you're slacking
LexisNexis 'em
RYAN AND 3Ls
LexisNexis 'em
LexisNexis 'em
Because research's a bore!
The sunlight is doing minor miracles for my brain. I am more creative. I work much better. In fact, I managed to write another Chicago song parody. The all natural vitamin D is good. It's law school based, but it does not focus on beer. That would have been overkill. Instead, it pokes fun at LexisNexis, quite possibly the greatest online research system ever. Some might consider it Westlaw. I like LexisNexis as for me, it is much easier to use. Ah...nothing like a legal research scism. Fans of the musical will recognize it as "Razzle Dazzle 'Em."
This is becoming quite fun. I particularly don't care if you copy it, spread it around, or burn it, thinking it to be sacrilegious to make fun of Chicago. Hey, at least you are finding enjoyment with the song in some way. That's why I write 'em.
Lexis Nexis 'Em
LAW SCHOOL GUIDE(Spoken)
Hey Ryan, this is John. He's a future student
RYAN(Spoken)
Thank you. Just a moment.
You ready?
JOHN(Spoken)
Hey Ryan, I'm scared. What's law school like?
RYAN(Spoken)
John, you got nothing to worry about.
It's all a circus, kid. A three ring circus.
These classess- the whole world- all show business.
But kid, you're with an experienced 3L, the brightest!
(Singing)
Breif cases on LexisNexis
LexisNexis 'em
Westlaw is great professionals use it
In every state and in every Circuit
Give 'em the old legal outlines
Brief and motion 'em
How can they fight with papers in their eyes?
What if your research is just lousy?
What if, it does, make you feel drowsy?
Lexis Nexis 'em
You're guaranteed a C!
Give 'em the old Lexis Nexis
RYAN AND 3Ls
Socratic Method is so tedious
RYAN
Rule after rule they'll go beat into us
RYAN AND 3Ls
Spout out the old legal jargon
Lie and bullshit 'em
RYAN
How can they fail you if you know the rules?
RYAN AND 3Ls
Make 'em think that you're a smart thinker
When instead you're a problem drinker,
RYAN
LexisNexis 'em
And you'll party much more!
RYAN AND 3Ls
Give 'em the old high court cases
Give 'em precedent
They like phrases like juris doctorate
But you know, you'll probably forget it
Who really knows jurisdiction
Is it here or there
Can't read the cases, go log on real fast
Your legal knowledge ain't that pretty
You're out of school before four thirty
LexisNexis 'em
And you always go pass!
3Ls(The same time as RYAN's)
Give 'em the old
LexisNexis
RYAN
Breif cases on LexisNexis
LexisNexis 'em
Regurgitate the Restatements right now
Your legal knowledge may be lacking
You can do well although you're slacking
LexisNexis 'em
RYAN AND 3Ls
LexisNexis 'em
LexisNexis 'em
Because research's a bore!
Monday, June 13, 2005
What Light Through Yonder Clouds Break...
Finally. Some sunshine in this part of Kansas. After a morning of rain, the sun finally came out. After today, it will be sunny. Even better, it will be sunny the ENTIRE day! Damn. I will be inside being "productive." Wait...I might be able to look outside every so often. Yeah...now that's the life. Weird. I am placing intrinsic value into a natural phenomenon that has been absent for a while.
Any more rain and I would have turned into a freaking vampire. Or as albino as I turned when I was a Computer Science major. I got out and became an English major. It was one of the best decisions I made. Some people I knew got "monitor skin," a rare occurence where those deprived of sunlight get a strange greenish tone in their albinoid-like skin color. Now that was freaky.
I think that I shall bask in the glorious light and enjoy the sun. Until more rain comes. Whenever that is. Oh well. I shall get some natural vitamin D.
In honor of my English major (traditional emphasis--think British and American Literature with a side of linguistics) and my bizarre sense of humor, Vampire Shakespeare Theater. Enjoy.
ROMEO: But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun...AGHHH! THE SUN!!!
That's all for now.
Any more rain and I would have turned into a freaking vampire. Or as albino as I turned when I was a Computer Science major. I got out and became an English major. It was one of the best decisions I made. Some people I knew got "monitor skin," a rare occurence where those deprived of sunlight get a strange greenish tone in their albinoid-like skin color. Now that was freaky.
I think that I shall bask in the glorious light and enjoy the sun. Until more rain comes. Whenever that is. Oh well. I shall get some natural vitamin D.
In honor of my English major (traditional emphasis--think British and American Literature with a side of linguistics) and my bizarre sense of humor, Vampire Shakespeare Theater. Enjoy.
ROMEO: But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun...AGHHH! THE SUN!!!
That's all for now.
Sunday, June 12, 2005
A 100% Chance of Rain
The weather in this part of the world is getting quite monotonous. Sunny in the morning and rainy in the afternoon and evening. Or raining in the morning, sunny in the afternoon and raining in the evening. Basically, it is going to rain during part if not all of the day. The only good thing is that I know what the weather is going to be like.
I think the basement floor is going to get wet again. The City of Lawrence still has problems with the sewer system. I'm going to get charged God knows how much to get it fixed. Not to mention the time and effort it will take to get the floor dry.
I really hate the rain. Stupid rain. All those people who describe the rain in such poetic terms must have not had a wet basement floor.
That's all for this post.
I think the basement floor is going to get wet again. The City of Lawrence still has problems with the sewer system. I'm going to get charged God knows how much to get it fixed. Not to mention the time and effort it will take to get the floor dry.
I really hate the rain. Stupid rain. All those people who describe the rain in such poetic terms must have not had a wet basement floor.
That's all for this post.
Employment, Drawing, and Darwin Awards
Hello. It's another blog post from me. I never cease to amaze myself on how cynical, depressed, sarcastic, or bitter I can get about describing my life in general and then do a complete 180 and be happy, which is a quite rare occasion. On the rare occasion I express happiness, I can turn it into something depressing. I must have some switch inside my head. Either that, or I am just not normal in any sense of the word.
Anyways, I got some good news, well it could be considered good news. I got a letter from a law firm in Lawrence. The person in charge of hiring stated the firm will need people in the fall and in the summer. I might be able to get future employment. Woohoo! Employment! And I might get paid! Even better!
I made some drawings this weekend. They turned out quite well. Now I'm begining to think I should have just said to hell with law school and done something else. I wish I could show them to you, but I am having some difficulties in finding a functioning scanner, let alone a digital camera. As much as I love technology, I just hate it when it doesn't work, which in most cases, nearly everytime I use it. Time to do some munging until it works.
I like the Darwin Awards. The website and the book series. I have all the books in the series and I visit the website as much as possible. It's nice to know that my life isn't as crappy as I make it out to be. Which might explain the popularity of Jerry Springer and all the other daytime talk shows. You think your life is messed up, but there is at least one person out there whose life is worse. It's great therapy: it's cheap, entertaining, and daily. Odd tangent.
My relatives used to tell me this sad yet unbelievably funny story about one of my male ancestors who was a drunk. Classic Darwin Awards material. The circumstances involved in his death and the unlikely series of bad decisions and coincidences make it funny. It was supposed to be a warning about the alcohol, but they would tell it while drinking Scotch. Ironic. Too good to be true. It probably isn't true. Oh well, either way, it's still a great story.
That's all for now.
Anyways, I got some good news, well it could be considered good news. I got a letter from a law firm in Lawrence. The person in charge of hiring stated the firm will need people in the fall and in the summer. I might be able to get future employment. Woohoo! Employment! And I might get paid! Even better!
I made some drawings this weekend. They turned out quite well. Now I'm begining to think I should have just said to hell with law school and done something else. I wish I could show them to you, but I am having some difficulties in finding a functioning scanner, let alone a digital camera. As much as I love technology, I just hate it when it doesn't work, which in most cases, nearly everytime I use it. Time to do some munging until it works.
I like the Darwin Awards. The website and the book series. I have all the books in the series and I visit the website as much as possible. It's nice to know that my life isn't as crappy as I make it out to be. Which might explain the popularity of Jerry Springer and all the other daytime talk shows. You think your life is messed up, but there is at least one person out there whose life is worse. It's great therapy: it's cheap, entertaining, and daily. Odd tangent.
My relatives used to tell me this sad yet unbelievably funny story about one of my male ancestors who was a drunk. Classic Darwin Awards material. The circumstances involved in his death and the unlikely series of bad decisions and coincidences make it funny. It was supposed to be a warning about the alcohol, but they would tell it while drinking Scotch. Ironic. Too good to be true. It probably isn't true. Oh well, either way, it's still a great story.
That's all for now.
Thursday, June 09, 2005
All That Jazz...
The complete version of my “All That Jazz” parody. You may notice the repeated reference to alcohol. Well, as I have stated in earlier posts, law school events and other social gatherings involve alcohol. It’s an accurate representation. For those who are fans of Chicago, I give no apologies for turning this song into beer-soaked filk.
All That Beer
Law School Student
Tap a keg
Let's visit all the bars
Drink all that beer!
I'm gonna play beer pong
And drive all around town
Drink all that beer!
Drop the books
I know a great night spot
Where the drinks are cheap
But the girls are not
When you're out of Green Hall
Your IQ starts to fall
From all that beer!
Crim Pro
Drink all that beer!
Read the casebook!
Drink all that beer!
Chug, chug chug!
Type your notes
And outline cases too
Drink all that beer!
I know the Contracts test
Is gonna blow your fuse
Drink all that beer!
Hold that cup
We're gonna drink some more
I bought another keg
At the liquor store
Because your B-A-C
Makes you drunk legally
From all that
Student and faculty
Beer!
Student
Got symptoms
Of alcohol abuse
All
Drink all that beer!
Student
Vodka mixed
With some cranberry juice
All
Drink all that beer!
Student
Tap a keg
My liver's gonna fry
I'll get another ticket
It's a D-U-I
Because the problems here
Get worse due to the beer
Drink all that beer!
Faculty
Oh, you're gonna drink alcohol
For three years
Student
Drink all that beer!
Faculty
Oh, you're gonna drink alcohol
every day
Student
Drink all that beer!
Faculty
How do you spend all your money?
Oh, now you think it's funny
That you're here
Just drinking beer
Drink all that beer!
Student
Tap a keg
Let's visit all the bars
Drink all that beer!
I'm gonna play beer pong
And drive all around town
Drink all that beer!
Drop the books
I know a great night spot
Where the drinks are cheap
But the girls are not
When you're out of Green Hall
Your IQ starts to fall
From all that beer!
Faculty
Oh, you're gonna drink alcohol
For three years
Drink all that beer!
Oh, you're gonna drink alcohol
every day
Drink all that beer!
How do you spend all your money?
Oh, now you think it's funny
That you're here
Just drinking beer
Drink all that--
Faculty
Beer!
Student
GPA will fall
Due to the alcohol
Drink all that beer!
Faculty
That beer!
All That Beer
Law School Student
Tap a keg
Let's visit all the bars
Drink all that beer!
I'm gonna play beer pong
And drive all around town
Drink all that beer!
Drop the books
I know a great night spot
Where the drinks are cheap
But the girls are not
When you're out of Green Hall
Your IQ starts to fall
From all that beer!
Crim Pro
Drink all that beer!
Read the casebook!
Drink all that beer!
Chug, chug chug!
Type your notes
And outline cases too
Drink all that beer!
I know the Contracts test
Is gonna blow your fuse
Drink all that beer!
Hold that cup
We're gonna drink some more
I bought another keg
At the liquor store
Because your B-A-C
Makes you drunk legally
From all that
Student and faculty
Beer!
Student
Got symptoms
Of alcohol abuse
All
Drink all that beer!
Student
Vodka mixed
With some cranberry juice
All
Drink all that beer!
Student
Tap a keg
My liver's gonna fry
I'll get another ticket
It's a D-U-I
Because the problems here
Get worse due to the beer
Drink all that beer!
Faculty
Oh, you're gonna drink alcohol
For three years
Student
Drink all that beer!
Faculty
Oh, you're gonna drink alcohol
every day
Student
Drink all that beer!
Faculty
How do you spend all your money?
Oh, now you think it's funny
That you're here
Just drinking beer
Drink all that beer!
Student
Tap a keg
Let's visit all the bars
Drink all that beer!
I'm gonna play beer pong
And drive all around town
Drink all that beer!
Drop the books
I know a great night spot
Where the drinks are cheap
But the girls are not
When you're out of Green Hall
Your IQ starts to fall
From all that beer!
Faculty
Oh, you're gonna drink alcohol
For three years
Drink all that beer!
Oh, you're gonna drink alcohol
every day
Drink all that beer!
How do you spend all your money?
Oh, now you think it's funny
That you're here
Just drinking beer
Drink all that--
Faculty
Beer!
Student
GPA will fall
Due to the alcohol
Drink all that beer!
Faculty
That beer!
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
Another Post
For some reason, I feel like posting today. There seems to be nothing better to do today. Depressing. The most exciting thing I can think of is posting random stuff on a blog that few people, if any, will read. I really need a social life.
One of the few female friends I know e-mailed me today. Note the word "few" in that sentence. She wrote to say hello and to ask how my life was going at this moment. In my traditional form, I answered with a mix of sarcasm, self-deprication, blunt literalism, and some humor. She finds the e-mails I write to be amusing. She wonders why I haven't become a writer yet.
Knowing that I am a decent writer (my Lawyering professor has a different opinion) when it comes to funny stuff, she asked if I could come up with an "All That Jazz" parody. And she wants it by 10 PM Friday. Ah, a challenge.
Well, I have come up with a rough version. I am quite proud of myself. It took about a half hour to get it done. For those who aren't KU alums or KU law school students, Green Hall is the law school building. And yes, law school students like beer. A sample of it:
Drop the books
I know a great night spot
Where the drinks are cheap
But the girls are not
When you're out of Green Hall
Your IQ starts to fall
From all that beer!
I think she'll find it quite amusing. Hell, what I wrote might be the final version. I shall tackle the rest of the songs from Chicago and parodize them. It will be more interesting that what I am doing now.
One of the few female friends I know e-mailed me today. Note the word "few" in that sentence. She wrote to say hello and to ask how my life was going at this moment. In my traditional form, I answered with a mix of sarcasm, self-deprication, blunt literalism, and some humor. She finds the e-mails I write to be amusing. She wonders why I haven't become a writer yet.
Knowing that I am a decent writer (my Lawyering professor has a different opinion) when it comes to funny stuff, she asked if I could come up with an "All That Jazz" parody. And she wants it by 10 PM Friday. Ah, a challenge.
Well, I have come up with a rough version. I am quite proud of myself. It took about a half hour to get it done. For those who aren't KU alums or KU law school students, Green Hall is the law school building. And yes, law school students like beer. A sample of it:
Drop the books
I know a great night spot
Where the drinks are cheap
But the girls are not
When you're out of Green Hall
Your IQ starts to fall
From all that beer!
I think she'll find it quite amusing. Hell, what I wrote might be the final version. I shall tackle the rest of the songs from Chicago and parodize them. It will be more interesting that what I am doing now.
Tax Advice and Copperfield
The oddest and funniest question asked today: "Can I count my son as a dependent on my 1040?"
Not so strange, right? Of course, you can count your son as a dependent on your personal income tax. Mentions it in the booklet. Well, his definition of "son" wasn't as simple.
The lawyer I worked for asked for some followup questions. The son was adopted recently. Fine. He's about two years old. Fine. He's so smart and he's potty trained. Yeah, go on. Did I mention that he has the bad habit of chewing on furniture and barking at strangers? What the...
You guessed it. Her "son" is her Labrador Retriever she adopted last week from a local animal shelter. She considers the dog as one of the family.
Being the skillful lawyer, he kindly and carefully explained that pets do not count as dependents according to the tax code. No matter how much you consider them "family," they do not count as pets are not considered human. (Some girls I know consider their boyfriends are considered "pets.") He told her not to write the dog off as a dependent.
After she left, I mentioned to him that a DJ in Wyoming did this for several years until his accountant found out. The DJ, when he filed his taxes the next year, cleverly stated his "son" was deceased. So what she was thinking about doing had been done before. He was amused by this bit of trivia that I had regurgitated.
I recently read David Copperfield. I now have an answer to the question of what my life is like. The relevant section is in Chapter Sixteen, a snippet of which follows:
"It seemed to me so long, however, since I have been among such boys, or among any companions of my own age. . .that I felt as strange as ever I have done in all my life. . . .I had become. . .so unused to the sports and games of boys, that I knew I was awkward and inexperienced in the commonest things belonging to them. Whatever I had learnt, had so slipped away from me in the sordid cares of my life from day to night, that now, when I was examined about what I knew, I knew nothing."
Being socially avoidant does have it's drawbacks. I can quote Dickens, but I can't fit in socially with other people. I'm beginning to wonder when the facade of social normality will crumble and the well-buried and hidden abnormal side will break loose.
I think I shall set up a betting pool on what day this will happen. A $5 entry fee will be sufficient. So e-mail in the date you think this will happen. In case of a tie, the first entry with the correct date will win.
That's all.
Not so strange, right? Of course, you can count your son as a dependent on your personal income tax. Mentions it in the booklet. Well, his definition of "son" wasn't as simple.
The lawyer I worked for asked for some followup questions. The son was adopted recently. Fine. He's about two years old. Fine. He's so smart and he's potty trained. Yeah, go on. Did I mention that he has the bad habit of chewing on furniture and barking at strangers? What the...
You guessed it. Her "son" is her Labrador Retriever she adopted last week from a local animal shelter. She considers the dog as one of the family.
Being the skillful lawyer, he kindly and carefully explained that pets do not count as dependents according to the tax code. No matter how much you consider them "family," they do not count as pets are not considered human. (Some girls I know consider their boyfriends are considered "pets.") He told her not to write the dog off as a dependent.
After she left, I mentioned to him that a DJ in Wyoming did this for several years until his accountant found out. The DJ, when he filed his taxes the next year, cleverly stated his "son" was deceased. So what she was thinking about doing had been done before. He was amused by this bit of trivia that I had regurgitated.
I recently read David Copperfield. I now have an answer to the question of what my life is like. The relevant section is in Chapter Sixteen, a snippet of which follows:
"It seemed to me so long, however, since I have been among such boys, or among any companions of my own age. . .that I felt as strange as ever I have done in all my life. . . .I had become. . .so unused to the sports and games of boys, that I knew I was awkward and inexperienced in the commonest things belonging to them. Whatever I had learnt, had so slipped away from me in the sordid cares of my life from day to night, that now, when I was examined about what I knew, I knew nothing."
Being socially avoidant does have it's drawbacks. I can quote Dickens, but I can't fit in socially with other people. I'm beginning to wonder when the facade of social normality will crumble and the well-buried and hidden abnormal side will break loose.
I think I shall set up a betting pool on what day this will happen. A $5 entry fee will be sufficient. So e-mail in the date you think this will happen. In case of a tie, the first entry with the correct date will win.
That's all.
Monday, June 06, 2005
This Isn't Sim City
I'm addicted to SimCity. I like the process of designing the city, putting buildings, power grids, water, and other necessary items where I want them. It's quite rewarding to build a city and see it grow. If there's a problem with the powerplant, I can fix it in an instant. If there is crime in a certain area of the city, I can put in a police station. It's too bad real life doesn't work that way.
The city can afford to put in roundabouts, but it can't solve traffic problems on 23rd Street. A roundabout. Like that is going to solve anything on 23rd Street or even Iowa. The city has limited funds to spend on paving the damn roads, but they have enough money to spend on a roundabout AND to put some flowers around it to make it look nice. FLOWERS? Ooops...forgot about the potholes. The damn roundabout needed some FLOWERS to look nice. Sorry. We'll pave them next year when we have funds, but that might not happen because we need to study if 23rd gets congested during rush hour.
Another thing. The bills I pay for water and electricity goes to pay for things like sewers, new electric lines, and other improvements to make the service more efficient. My only question is why the hell can't they get the damn sewer system where I live to work correctly after it rains? I suppose they used the money to do a survey on whether the streets get wet when it rains. The water department have been in my neighborhood fixing the sewers after it rains. Every single freaking time. At least one house has problems with their sewer line when it rains. Their basement floods due to an "unforseen" clog or something else goes wrong. That's not a very good record. Most people, let alone most businesses, would be out of work if they had a miserable record like that. But it's government, so they get a raise and a promotion.
Yes, life is not as simple as point and click and the problem is gone, but one would expect even a real-life city to make better decisions. You would expect them to try and solve problems so they happen less. Ideally, it won't happen again, but I think I can manage with having it occur a lot less than every time it rains.
Yeah, and the City of Lawrence owes me a freaking refund. The floor in my basement got wet. I spend two days getting the floor dry and the mess cleaned up. Something about the "sewer line" backing up due to all the rain.
Until then, I'll be playing SimCity. At least I can get the problems fixed a lot better than the City of Lawrence can.
That's all.
The city can afford to put in roundabouts, but it can't solve traffic problems on 23rd Street. A roundabout. Like that is going to solve anything on 23rd Street or even Iowa. The city has limited funds to spend on paving the damn roads, but they have enough money to spend on a roundabout AND to put some flowers around it to make it look nice. FLOWERS? Ooops...forgot about the potholes. The damn roundabout needed some FLOWERS to look nice. Sorry. We'll pave them next year when we have funds, but that might not happen because we need to study if 23rd gets congested during rush hour.
Another thing. The bills I pay for water and electricity goes to pay for things like sewers, new electric lines, and other improvements to make the service more efficient. My only question is why the hell can't they get the damn sewer system where I live to work correctly after it rains? I suppose they used the money to do a survey on whether the streets get wet when it rains. The water department have been in my neighborhood fixing the sewers after it rains. Every single freaking time. At least one house has problems with their sewer line when it rains. Their basement floods due to an "unforseen" clog or something else goes wrong. That's not a very good record. Most people, let alone most businesses, would be out of work if they had a miserable record like that. But it's government, so they get a raise and a promotion.
Yes, life is not as simple as point and click and the problem is gone, but one would expect even a real-life city to make better decisions. You would expect them to try and solve problems so they happen less. Ideally, it won't happen again, but I think I can manage with having it occur a lot less than every time it rains.
Yeah, and the City of Lawrence owes me a freaking refund. The floor in my basement got wet. I spend two days getting the floor dry and the mess cleaned up. Something about the "sewer line" backing up due to all the rain.
Until then, I'll be playing SimCity. At least I can get the problems fixed a lot better than the City of Lawrence can.
That's all.
Sunday, June 05, 2005
The Culture Test
I'm a geek. Not just any type of geek, but a multi-subject geek. A jack of all trades. I know something about many subjects. Sometimes too much on a certain subject. This gets me into sticky situations where a simple explanation does not work as well as it should. I lack the focus of hardcore geeks--those people who can focus on an inanely small thing and focus on it for their entire lifetime. Like those physicists who focus on nothing but mu-pion decay and get a Nobel Prize. Not very healthy behavior, but it does bring about modern miracles that people take for granted. I do have an awareness of when I am not functioning socially, at least in a commonly accepted sense, so at least I know when to stop digging a deeper hole of embarassment for myself. Well, most of the times.
There's the issue about expressing feelings, controlling the random fits of anger, the social avoidancy problems, the intense dislike of people touching me, being too obvious, being inconsiderate of other people's feelings and a whole host of other problems that I should try to solve. God only knows what other problems I have. At least I recognized some of them. Anyways, I digress.
I used to be an English major before I went to law school. I used to be a computer science major before that and I hated it, despite being there for over two years. I went from Engineering to English and managed to survive that change. It's no surprise that I like English related stuff. Not the literature or other things of that nature, but the hardcore stuff like linguistics, dialects, grammar, usage, etc. Even better, I found this website that talks about these subjects. Oooh....language construction.
There is other stuff that is not related to language and linguistics. Stuff like foreign comics, book reviews, random rants, and the funniest series of "Culture Tests" online. Now you too can tell if you are American, Canadian, French, and other cultures around the world.
I spend way too much time online. That's all for now.
The Zompist Website
http://www.zompist.com/
"Are You An American?" Test and Many Other Cultural Tests
http://www.zompist.com/amercult.html
There's the issue about expressing feelings, controlling the random fits of anger, the social avoidancy problems, the intense dislike of people touching me, being too obvious, being inconsiderate of other people's feelings and a whole host of other problems that I should try to solve. God only knows what other problems I have. At least I recognized some of them. Anyways, I digress.
I used to be an English major before I went to law school. I used to be a computer science major before that and I hated it, despite being there for over two years. I went from Engineering to English and managed to survive that change. It's no surprise that I like English related stuff. Not the literature or other things of that nature, but the hardcore stuff like linguistics, dialects, grammar, usage, etc. Even better, I found this website that talks about these subjects. Oooh....language construction.
There is other stuff that is not related to language and linguistics. Stuff like foreign comics, book reviews, random rants, and the funniest series of "Culture Tests" online. Now you too can tell if you are American, Canadian, French, and other cultures around the world.
I spend way too much time online. That's all for now.
The Zompist Website
http://www.zompist.com/
"Are You An American?" Test and Many Other Cultural Tests
http://www.zompist.com/amercult.html
Friday, June 03, 2005
Movies and Personality Tests
I found this website and it has online personality tests, what one girl I know calls "total bunk." She has picked up some interestingly classic Minnesotan phrases, despite living most of her life in Kansas.
I took some of the tests, and not too surprisingly, they all came up with the same results. I am very good at math and vocabulary (both 99th percentile). I am also introverted, socially avoidant, schitzoid, and possibly anti-social and obsessive-compulsive. Where they get the schitzoid stuff, I am not too sure. The anti-social thing, that seems a little too crazy. The tests gave the results that I have know all along. Nothing too surprising to say the least. I am a walking psychiatric ward.
People shouldn't worry about the schitzoid thing. Most real psychologists do not consider it a real personality disorder. If it were, then most famous minds, geniuses, artists, and other folks of a similar ilk would be schitzoid. That and most of the US population. Supposedly, it's a sign of genius and great talent. I'm comforted by that thought. I'm actually normal in some respect. For a minute there, I thought I was crazy. Probably am, but at least I'm not that crazy.
There's also a "non-serious" movie personality test. By answering some basic personality questions, it will determing what classic movie best represents you. Supposedly, I am Apocalypse Now, the classic Coppola film. I am a "rogue wanderer on the winding river of life, searching after your shadow self." What that means, I have no damn clue. However, if the movie is to be of help, I will end up like Captain Willard. He goes searching for a rogue Green Beret in the jungle and find him. He ends up going crazy, very slowly. Kurtz is his "shadow self," the psychopath that everyone keeps inside. He's the inner demon of darkness that no one want to show. Great. I spend my entire life alone looking for my shadow self and I go crazy looking for it. How depressing. Damn. And I was hoping to find a girlfriend. Well that's been bombed and burned out of existance by napalm. Unless...there's a girl out there who likes a guy like that. Nah. Highly unlikely. I might try and see what other movie choices there are. Tweak some answers a bit.
Enjoy. That's all for now.
General Personaliy Tests
http://similarminds.com/personality_tests.html
Movie Personality Test
http://similarminds.com/movie.html
I took some of the tests, and not too surprisingly, they all came up with the same results. I am very good at math and vocabulary (both 99th percentile). I am also introverted, socially avoidant, schitzoid, and possibly anti-social and obsessive-compulsive. Where they get the schitzoid stuff, I am not too sure. The anti-social thing, that seems a little too crazy. The tests gave the results that I have know all along. Nothing too surprising to say the least. I am a walking psychiatric ward.
People shouldn't worry about the schitzoid thing. Most real psychologists do not consider it a real personality disorder. If it were, then most famous minds, geniuses, artists, and other folks of a similar ilk would be schitzoid. That and most of the US population. Supposedly, it's a sign of genius and great talent. I'm comforted by that thought. I'm actually normal in some respect. For a minute there, I thought I was crazy. Probably am, but at least I'm not that crazy.
There's also a "non-serious" movie personality test. By answering some basic personality questions, it will determing what classic movie best represents you. Supposedly, I am Apocalypse Now, the classic Coppola film. I am a "rogue wanderer on the winding river of life, searching after your shadow self." What that means, I have no damn clue. However, if the movie is to be of help, I will end up like Captain Willard. He goes searching for a rogue Green Beret in the jungle and find him. He ends up going crazy, very slowly. Kurtz is his "shadow self," the psychopath that everyone keeps inside. He's the inner demon of darkness that no one want to show. Great. I spend my entire life alone looking for my shadow self and I go crazy looking for it. How depressing. Damn. And I was hoping to find a girlfriend. Well that's been bombed and burned out of existance by napalm. Unless...there's a girl out there who likes a guy like that. Nah. Highly unlikely. I might try and see what other movie choices there are. Tweak some answers a bit.
Enjoy. That's all for now.
General Personaliy Tests
http://similarminds.com/personality_tests.html
Movie Personality Test
http://similarminds.com/movie.html
Thursday, June 02, 2005
Calling Dr. Evil...
Mad scientists and evil villians have plotted countless numbers of ways to destroy Earth: death rays, super bombs, asteroid collisions, etc. Some people I know are planning Earth's destruction as I write, as they are uber-SciFi geeks. I digress. None of them are complete. In general, they involve death of all humans, but the Earth still survives. None of them are very likely by any stretch of the imagination or with science. Well, forget all of those movie plot devices and visit a website with more scientifically plausible ways.
A British math major at Cambridge has devoted a website to more practical ways of destroying Earth. Ranging from complete existance failure where all atoms break apart into quarks to a massive anti-matter reaction, he lists what you need, a basic outline of what to do, the final state of the Earth and how feasible it is. It's quite comprehensive...scarily so.
As he states in an interview, he doesn't want the Earth to be completely annihilated as he will not have "storage space" for all the stuff he has. Understandable.
Yeah, and his website has a bunch of other interesting stuff like pictures, math, and other randomly geeky stuff.
http://ned.ucam.org/~sdh31/misc/mundicide/index.html
A British math major at Cambridge has devoted a website to more practical ways of destroying Earth. Ranging from complete existance failure where all atoms break apart into quarks to a massive anti-matter reaction, he lists what you need, a basic outline of what to do, the final state of the Earth and how feasible it is. It's quite comprehensive...scarily so.
As he states in an interview, he doesn't want the Earth to be completely annihilated as he will not have "storage space" for all the stuff he has. Understandable.
Yeah, and his website has a bunch of other interesting stuff like pictures, math, and other randomly geeky stuff.
http://ned.ucam.org/~sdh31/misc/mundicide/index.html
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