Exercise

Greetings and welcome back to The Un-Zone, the only site on the Internet that I know of devoted to all things related to Un. It's time for an update on how things are going in my life.

It seems like every year I tell myself that I am going to exercise and lose some weight. And it seems like every year, I start off well and after a while, I fall off the path. And I regain everything back.
But this time, I am not going to fall off the path. No siree, I'm not going to be fat anymore.
It's not that I'm woefully ignorant and I think that I look like a marathon runner or a weightlifter. I know I'm fat. I've been aware of that fact for a long time, may years. I guess that until now, I just never did anything about changing the situation I was in. I used to be thin but I let my weight weasel-creep up to what I weigh now, which is not a very nice number unless you are referring to an IQ that is unhumanly high. The "I'm going to lose weight, but hey, are those chocolate chip cookies...I love cookies. I can lose weight later" problem. My IQ is quite high (one in 5 million have an IQ higher than mine) but not as high as my weight.
Weasel-creep is a bad thing. You look at yourself and you never notice how you're slowly gaining weight. And one day, you wake up and your mind is screaming, "JESUS FREAKING CHRIST, WHERE THE HELL DID THOSE POUNDS COME FROM? WHO PUT ME IN THIS BODY? WHERE DID MY BODY GO?" And I foolishly allowed that to happen. It really sucks since I could have done a whole lot earlier and prevented this from getting to the point it is right now.
Since I started exercising (jogging and lifting weights), I have lost about 15 pounds. Which is a nice start. But I still look the same, but maybe a little thinner looking around the face. It's like taking five gallons of water out of a Olympic-sized swimming pool. "Are those cheekbones? Where did those come from?" At least my clothes fit a lot better and I can wear stuff I haven't worn in several years.
I shall be less of a person (physically) by the end of this summer. Maybe I'll be able to make skinny jokes about myself instead of fat jokes.

That's all for now.

It's Wednesday Again...

Greetings and welcome back to The Un-Zone, the only site on the Internet devoted to all things related to Un. It's time for another update. One that will require little effort from me as I can't think of anything original. So I'll post songs lyrics that have Wednesday in the title.

"Wednesday Again" by the Selfies
"It's a common mistake
Brilliant in most obvious ways
What did you expect
Nutured from your earliest days

You made a perfect circle
All around the world it occured
The sight of inspiration
Then again my vision was .... blurred

Maybe Sunday things will go your way
Maybe Monday you'll wake up
Got too many enemies to make
Maybe Tuesday you'll wake up
Now it's Wednesday again
Thursday is the worst day
So on Friday you can earn your pay
Maybe Saturday

Some say it's surrounding
Some say it's a chemical flaw
False adversting
Knee deep in the thick of it all

Your feeling impaired
Your legs won't walk right
Down the hall at the stairs
You've got a book that you need to read

Maybe Sunday things will go your way
Maybe Monday you'll wake up
Got too many enemies to make
Maybe Tuesday you'll wake up
Now it's Wednesday again
Thursday is the worst day
So on Friday you can earn your pay
Maybe Saturday

Is that what kind of person you are?
Is this what you long to be?
It takes all your time and effort
For a moment of clarity
Is that what kind of person you are?
Is this what you long to be?
It takes all your time and your effort
Is this what kind of person you are?"

Maybe Sunday things will go your way
Maybe Monday you'll wake up
Got too many enemies to make
Maybe Tuesday you'll wake up
Now it's Wednesday again
Thursday is the worst day
So on Friday you can earn your pay
Maybe Saturday


"Wednesday's Song" by John Frusciante
You'll make it through the day
See things another way and behold
Listen to wednesday's song
This night you go home alone
How the sane go upright
How you look another night
You're back under my hat
And even knowing that you're a whore
Nothing ever meant more
That switching rooms through a door
Out into another one
Frames flash inward
And you know
I have seen the world enough
I've drowned in my thoughts alot
I canceled heaven I concede
Another word to say
When everything's O.K you go down
And pulling up the slack
And never coming back
An alarm
Ringing to set the sun
No one ever becomes
What others thought they shoul've been
Inside they're what they can see
You know I do miss this girl
To show I am in a swirl of sun
Being what I've got
The joy
I canceled heaven I concede
Everything that I belive
I canceled heaven I concede


There aren't that many songs with Wednesday in them...unless I'm wrong of course. I probably am.
That's all for now.

I Came, I Performed, I Did OK

Greetings and welcome back to The Un-Zone, the only site on the Internet devoted to all things related to Un. It's time for one of those updates that make this site so wonderfully Un-esque.

As I stated earlier in my last post, I would give an update on how things went with the Open Mic thing at Stanford and Sons. The quick and easy version: It went pretty well. People laughed at my jokes and I used up all three minutes. The end. You now can leave.
But you all probably want something more than that. Well, here it is, in glorious technicolor detail. With some ramblings and tangents to other topics. Buckle up cause it might take a while of your time. As if you have anything better to do. If you did, you wouldn't be reading this blog, now would you?
I arrived there at 6:30, as I am a big stickler on being at places early. Nobody was there except the guy running the place and another relatively new guy at this. Just my luck. When 7:00 rolled around, nearly everyone was there (at least those who were going to perform). The pre-comedy meeting should have started by then, but then again, nothing ever starts on time. So I got to talk to a lady from Arkansas who became a Tibetan Buddhist and a guy who was perpetually drunk. I always seem to manage to meet the strangest yet nicest people around.
A quick tangent. Stanford and Sons is smoky. People smoke cigarettes like they're about to disappear the next day. And the booze flows. Real gritty place. It's not the nice spic and span places you find in New York or Chicago or Los Angeles. Which makes it so declasse. God, I sound so weird right now. Anyways...
It's finally showtime and people are giving me advice. This crazy guy who has the nickname of Chicken and who starred in cinematic classics like XXX and Blackhawk Down. The dude is crazy and will do anything for a laugh. And did he make people laugh by bumping and grinding in front of a guy's face and pretending he was having sex with Bigfoot. Go figure. Some of the people were not so funny and some were funny. One girl had a lighter shaped like a penis. Strange. Real strange. Yadda yadda yadda. Blah blah blah.
It's my turn. So I go on stage and begin with the classic of: "I've got three minutes to make you laugh. Just like having sex. But with an extra two and a half minutes." After that, it went swimmingly well. At least so I thought and so did the rest of the audience.
Some comedy tips. At least stuff I've figured out. Jokes that are too cerebral (i.e. jokes about stuff like the Bhagavad Gita) are not funny. It is a subject that few people will understand. Jokes about sex, however, are pretty funny. You can't go wrong with them unless you're in Westburo Baptist Church. That's a different story. Making fun of yourself is a good thing as if you can laugh at yourself, people can laugh at you. If you do go into matters that are racist or even stereotypical, well, be careful. Some people get offended by that. If, however, you are making Asian jokes and you are Asian, well, that's different. You're making fun of yourself technically so the audience thinks it's cool to laugh. The use of the certain four letter words is fine. But using them over and over again in the same sentence like "I'm like what the is that is doing? Is that on crack?" gets tedious and therefore not as funny as you think it is. I do use profanity, but using it that much to "sound" funny, no. And finally, be yourself, plow on through, and have fun. That's the important thing. If you're confident and you're having fun, the audience will laugh sooner or later. Maybe it might be when you walk off stage because you stunk worse than a runover skunk in the middle of the highway during a summer day.
Yes, I made jokes about Asian stereotypes like eating dogs, having an Asian mother, and other stuff of that ilk. But I made it funny. I did, however, reached the time limit of three minutes. The emcee said that I did a damn good job for a first-timer at Open Mic. And he got into the act by thanking me for not doing three minutes of calculus jokes. Oddly enough, I could make three minutes worth of calculus jokes, but that's not funny. Unless you're a mathematician.
It was a fun, albeit way too smoky experience. I will have to wash my clothes thoroughly to get rid of the stench of cigarette smoke out of them. That's the only downside.

That's all for now.

Performing at Stanford and Sons

Greetings and welcome back to The Un-Zone, the only site on the Internet devoted to all things related to Un. It's time for an update. A quick and short one.

I called Stanford and Sons five minutes ago and I'm on the list. So I am performing tonight at 8:00 PM. This will be the first time I try some stuff out. So this will be interesting. I will either be funny or not funny. That's it. Please come and watch. I beg of you. Will report what happens.

That's all for now.

Open Mic at Stanford and Sons

"Humor is just another defense against the universe."
-Mel Brooks

Greetings and welcome back to The Un-Zone, the only site on the Internet devoted to all things related to Un. Or so what I have been led to believe given the Internet searches I have done lately.

Tomorrow, I embark on something that I have wanted to do and that is called stand-up comedy. I am signing up to perform a three-minute stand-up comedy routine at Stanford and Sons, located in Overland Park, or the OP. It's an open mic night where wannabe comedians go out on stage and prove they've got a sense of humor.
In all reality, I should be more focused on getting a job for next summer, studying for the MPRE and the Bar Exam--activities I have not done so well on. My track record is not so great. Given that I should graduate from law school (assuming I don't fail or get expelled) next year, these activities should be a number one priority in my life. But I've got to perform and this seems like a safer and much better alternative than cracking jokes while cross-examining a witness in a trial or trying to weasel my way out of a future traffic ticket.
I don't know what's going on in my head at this time. I have this urge to be a comic instead of a lawyer despite my dislike of talking or doing anything in front of large(two or more) groups of people. And being a comic requires just that.
If I do make it on the sign-up list, the showtime is 8:00 PM. And there will be the nervous waiting. And the lingering doubts of whether or not I have decent material and if I will bomb. Hopefully, if I do make it on the list, I will do well and make some people laugh. If not, there is always the June 27th date. And I shall have to suppress the urge until then.

That's all for now.

I Can't Dance, I Can't Walk

"No, I cant dance, I cant talk.
The only thing about me is the way I walk.
No, I cant dance, I cant sing
Im just standing here selling everything."
-Genesis, "I Can't Dance"


Greetings and welcome back to The Un-Zone, the only site on the Internet devoted to all things related to Un, which is my favorite topic. It's time for an update to this little blog.

You may have noticed the song lyrics posted so prominently on the top of this post and there is a reason for it. I went out and took dance lessons in various forms of country dancing like the two-step, the polka, the waltz, etc. This is despite the fact that I have no rhythm, no sense of timing, no sense of balance, no grace, and well, let's just face it, I have two left feet.
I've always known that I can't control my body very well. I was always the kid who got picked last in sports. I have no hand-eye coordination. Physical activities are not my forte. Give me a physics problem to solve and I can give you an answer in no time at all. Give me the task of learning how to dance a waltz, let alone walk in a straight line, I'm pretty much hopeless. OK, put bluntly, I am S-C-R-E-W-E-D. No way is that possible. I think some of it is due to my time in the school of engineering when I was in college. If you look at the feet of engineering majors, they walk with one foot sticking out, generally the right one. Honest to God, it's true. I've noticed it. Just look carefully the next time you see an engineering student or an engineer for that matter.
And yet, despite this, I actually signed up for a dancing class. I'm not exactly sure why I signed up. Maybe some irrational part of my brain thinks that this will be a good experience and it will prove to be useful later in life. Like when, if it does happen, I get married. Whenever that happens. Or maybe earlier, like if I happen to meet a girl who like doing the two-step and I'm the only person around. Or the only one willing to go on the dance floor. And I sweep her off her feet with my natural charm and suave dance moves. Yeah right. Yes, that's another event that seems unlikely to happen in my life. Do you note the sarcastic/depricating humor that infests these posts. I digress.
I don't have lofty expectations. I don't expect, once I've taken all the lessons, to walk upon air or to move with the grace of Fred Astaire. If that happens, that would be a major miracle. Nope. If I come out of the classes without knocking out, killing, maiming or injuring a person, that's good. I would be happy with that, as hospital bills can be so expensive. If I come out of the classes with even the tiniest iota more of grace and ending up with 1.99 left feet, that's an accomplishment.
To summarize what happened at the dance class, I did not injure or kill anyone due to my clumsiness. Quick-quick-slow-slow. Triple step. Ten step, which involves lots of heel tapping and stomping. I do, however, tend to drift to the left, but I generally have good form. Which is a start...somewhat. Hey, I can't complain too much. All in all, it was a fine experience. I actually kind of liked it.

That's all for now.

Standup Comedy

Greetings and welcome back to The Un-Zone, the only site on the Internet devoted to all things related to Un. It's time for one of those updates that make it seem like this site is still active and not becoming stale like a week-old loaf of bread left out on the counter.

I seriously thinking about doing stand-up comedy. Yes, you heard me right, a stand-up comic. In addition to being a lawyer. Go figure.
And why, you may ask? For several simple reasons. One, I am funny. Well, many people have told me that they find me funny (humorous, not crazy, though I've been called that also). This is after listening to me perform at two Pub Nights and an amateur comedy competition. Two, I find being funny and performing in front of people to be something I enjoy doing. One could say that I find the experience of performing funny material in front of people less of a stressful event than arguing a summary judgment in front of a law school professor. This does not bode too well for a future legal career in front of juries. And three, well, did I mention I get this high when I perform. While I'm being funny, I can't stop it. Everything just goes away and I can do what I want. It's this weird feeling.

One of these days, I'm going to an open-mic night at Stanford's Comedy Club. Just perform a three minute routine and if it goes well, it goes well. If not, hey, that's how it goes. It should be an interesting experience.

That's all for now.