Physical Contact

Hello. It's me again. Time for another update to the Un-Zone. I have managed to depress several people yesterday with yesterday's reflection on my past. Wait, it's not "I guess," it's more of "I know" I depressed them. I've become good at noticing all the bad stuff that happens in my life and I fail to find the good stuff that happens. Once you've gone throught what I have, you probably would have this outlook on people and life in general.
I can now add one more name to the "I Understand What You Meant" list. Welcome aboard. It's going to be one hell of a ride. The Un-Express is now travelling to a new destination. There are many more stops on this journey. Some of them good; some of them bad. If you do decide to leave, you'll leave as a different person.

I have an aversion to physical contact. I'm not a very touchy-feely person. Most of the times, I do not like people touching me in any way, shape or form. I particularly dislike physical contact of a more affectionate nature. There are several people in which I do allow this to happen, but they are people who I have known for quite a while, and the list is very short. I literally cringe when people touch me. Some times, I get cranky and lash out at them. Most of the times, I do a good job of hiding my discomfort, but sometimes, people notice. They say I look "unhappy" or "uncomfortable." Then they ask why. I don't answer. They know who they are. And there is a very long list of them.
This causes problems, especially with females. Body language does not lie. I can like a person and it can be a pleasurable contact, but a part of me just does not like it. I become withdrawn and it shows. The results of these encounters are obvious.

You know that phrase 'That which does not kill me, makes me stronger"? It's true in a way. All of those encounters where people have manipulated affection and kindness to get what they want have just made me build stronger walls to hide everything in. I've become a person where I don't get into those situations by avoiding people and having actual relationships with them. I think I should have become stronger in more constructive ways emotionally and socially.

That wasn't as sucky as yesterday, now was it? That's all for now.