Tuesday, May 31, 2005

1000 Bars in a Year

I found this on Fark.com, probably the most irreverant news website. For those not familiar with it, it's a site that collects strange, weird, funny, and crazy news stories off the web and collects them all on one page. It's amusing, though the cognosetti consider it so three years ago.

Anyways, the story from the Associated Press talks about a guy who is on a quest to visit 1000 bars in one year and order one drink from them. He has guidelines and rules, but that's the gist of the idea. In a different life, he could have been a great law school student. At least in the devotion to alcohol department.

To read his exploits, go to the following site:
http://thousandbars.blogspot.com/

Friday, May 27, 2005

A Basic Guide to Women

Like the Styx song goes, "I've got too much time on my hands." Which is why I am writing stuff to put onto this blog. Way too much time.
I like watching people. It's a fun activity to do while you are outside and you have some time to kill. In Europe, particularly in France, it is something you do while drinking coffee or any time for that matter. I find humans amusing. Their conversations say nothing yet everything in a few words.
Women are masters with words. This makes them hard to understand if you are a normal guy. But, I believe that I have listened to enough conversations to interpret what they are saying. This has probably been done before, so appologies to anyone who has written something like this.

1. Never use "FINE" to describe how a woman looks. Be honest, but in a nice way. Never be blunt and say "You look " This will guarantee her wanting to rip your head off. If they look good, complement them sincerely, without excess flattery. Crude comments are generally not welcome. That will generally result with a slap in the face.
2. "NOTHING" is a dangerous word as it means "something." When a woman means "something," it means RUN LIKE HELL! If you hear these words, make sure you have a plante ticket, a passport, credit cards, and an ID in a different name. Avoid provoking her. Lying will get you nowhere, except the hospital.
3. If a woman says "OH," be careful. Most likely, she has caught you in a lie that you cannot get out of. Women have built-in lie detectors and they can spot BS instantly. Remember, it is best to be honest at all times. Lying after hearing the "OH" will lead to an argument about "NOTHING".
4. When a woman says "PLEASE DO," she is offering you a chance to give whatever pathetic excuse you have for what you have done. Tell the truth. Avoid lying. If she catches you, there will be hell to pay.
5. "GO AHEAD" with raised eyebrows is dangerous. It is not meant as an offer to do what you want. It is an offer for you to do what SHE wants. Remember birthdays and anniversaries so you don't plan a fishing trip 0n that day.
6. There is difference between "THANKS A LOT" and "THANKS." "THANKS A LOT" means she is angry. "THANKS" is the compliment. Never confuse the two. If you do confuse the two, may God save your soul.

Law School = Three Years of Beer

My next door neighbor commented that she worked for a law firm for ten years and her boss said that law school was three years of hell: "The first year, they scare the hell out of you; the second year, they work the hell out of you; the third year, the bore the hell out of you." I commented that this was a fairly accurate representation, but flawed in a fundamental way. Most law school students are scared, worked like hell, and bored within the first couple weeks of law school. A more accurate representation is three years of beer, as alcohol and lawyers go well with eachother.
An interesting note. At a book sale held at the law school, I found a video about drug/alcohol addiction and lawyers. I almost bought it. I really should have.
Anyways, law school based upon beer and not hell. After all, as Benjamin Franklin is claimed to have said, "Beer is God's way of letting us know that he loves us." So enjoy this with a drink or two. After all, it's as close to the law school school experience you can get without being in there or the mental aftertaste.
The first year, you find the beer. One of the first places a 1L finds is a place to live. The next place is the nearest bar/club by the law school or their place of residence. Then it is the endless search for all the best places to drink in the surrounding area. The 1L also discovers that nearly all law school events have alcohol involved. Yes, the 1L find law school daunting, but at least they are comforted by the solace of beer.
The second year, you drink the beer. Of course, you are already drinking by this time, but more and more time is devoted to hiting the bottle than the books. It is inevitable. After the first year of law school, the second and third years are relatively easier. After a long day of inanely boring classes, one wants to relax by drinking. At this time, the 2L knows of what events to attend to maximize beer consumption and civic-mindedness. Examples include multiple fundraising events, diversity banquets, and other similar activities.
The third year, you think the beer. At this time, the law school student should be thoroughly bored by the law school process. Classes are the farthest thing from their mind. Making beer money and finding a job are the most important things. It is safe to assume one will graduate as long as one takes the finals and puts coherent and related answers on the page. Other things loom like the Bar Exam and finding work after graduating, but that can wait until after one has a beer with some friends.
This is, of course, overly simplified and based solely upon observation, but it is a fairly accurate look into the law school student's life based upon beer. Enjoy.

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Observations About Law School

Some observations about law school...

1. It is damn near impossible to fail law school. Once you're in, you're in. I guess the underlying logic is as following: You busted your ass to get in there, so it's assumed that you are smart. Since you are smart, we'll cut you some slack with actual studying. Therefore, we won't fail you unless you:
A. Not show up for class every day, thereby ruining your chance to take the final
B. Not showing up for the final, thereby giving the professor no basis to give a grade
C. Showing up, but not putting any answers down. However, you still might get a C, just for showing up.
D. A severe violation of the honor code like plagiarism or some ethical violation.
Professor DeLaTorre confirmed this after a final. However, a very determined person could prove me wrong. Are there any takers?

2. Nearly every sanctioned law school event has alcohol involved in some way. Whether it is a formal event or a fundraiser, you are sure to encounter alcohol in its many forms. This is good in some respects. If you do come home drunk and your significant other starts complaining, you can always claim that is was for a good cause: "Yeah, I'm drunk. But I helped raise funds for the Red Cross!" or "Yeah, I got drunk. But I got an interview with a law firm for a summer job!"

3. Everyone, well nearly everyone gets drunk at a law school function, as well as social events hosted by law school students. Alcohol and lawyers seem to go well with each other. This must be a social remenant from the old days of English common law. It must be, as the lawyers in common-law England used to meet at Inns of Court. You had to be a lawyer to be a member of an Inn of Court. Obviously, the alcohol came with the membership.

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Greetings from the Un-Zone

Welcome to the Un-Zone, a look into the mind of a KU Law School student. I hope that this will be an interesting blog for those who read it, and if not, well, that is your problem and not mine. Obviously, you do not have the same tastes as I do. If you do not, please visit somewhere else.

From time to time, I shall post whatever comes up that I find interesting, random musings, and any mental debris that I can sweep up from my mind. The amount of useless facts and random trivia that I can pull up is quite startling, even to myself. I've gotten myself into several sticky situations where bringing up such knowledge is not at all helpful. Like knowing information about illegal drugs in a Criminal Procedure class. When the professor asks, "Do you know what color crack-cocaine," it is most likely a rhetorical question. There are many other episodes, but I shall not bore you with recalling them all. This is just the most recent one.

So, for those who happen to stumble on this blog, please enjoy. If you have any comments or suggestions, please comment freely.

Do not make your comments obscene or act like a jerk in your comments. If you do, I shall have to send the robots out on you. It is not a pleasant experience.

Thank you. That is all.