Murphy's Love Laws

Say, I ain't got nobody, and nobody cares for me!
That's why I'm sad and lonely,
Won't somebody come and take a chance with me?
-Cab Calloway, "I Ain't Got Nobody"


Greetings and welcome to the Un-Zone, the official site to all things Un. You get 100% of the government's recommended daily allowance of Un and other nutritious elements in just one simple visit. Not enough people are getting their Un. Visiting this site: it's a good thing. OK, I've probably violated some copyright law there. Then again, that phrase is probably a household name by now. Any copyright lawyers out there? I could check on Lexis-Nexis, but I'm too lazy to log on and do actual research.

You know Murphy's Law? Pretty much, it goes as follows: "If anything can go wrong, it will." There are many variants of this law, but the idea is the same. Bad stuff happens at unopportune times. I'm a big suscriber to Murphy's Law and I apply it to most aspects of my life. I might be a bit pessimistical, well, maybe quite pessimistical or just apathetic and this a consequence. Then again, people say Murphy was an optimist and life is much worse than we think it to be.
So why am I prating on this subject? I found a website about Murphy's Law and the many applications in other aspects of life. Things like police, technology, politics, and love. I was interested in the Murphy's Laws of Love as I don't seem to have any semblance of what people call a "relationship." Those who randomly stumble onto this blog may wonder on my peculiar use of "people" and putting things in quotes as if I'm sort of alien who is fascinated by this subject. I am.
I found them to be amusing and a large number of them to be applicable in my own situation. Well, I've culled out a few of them and have given a short explanation on why they are applicable. Yes, I am going to make a fool out of myself or make you say, "I've been through that before!"

1. You'll think of a great line to say to someone the moment after your chance is gone.
We've all been through this before. You meet a guy/girl you like and you can't think of anything to say to them except "Hello" and a cheesy pickup line. Odds are, you didn't make a love connection and got the groove on. Or you got too scared to say "Hello" and you hid in a corner and thought of things you would have said to them. At least things that wouldn't mark you as a stalker, serial killer or total idiot. And when your opportunity to sweep 'em off their feet fades away, you come up with a great line to say. I've been through that too many times. I don't get past the "get out of the corner" stage most times. And if I do, I can't really say anything. No, I literally can't say anything. For some reason, I express myself better with the written word than the spoken word. It's too bad I can't write down what I want to say. It's pitiful.
2. Brains x Beauty x Availability = Constant. This constant is always zero.
I have to partially agree with this. Not totally, but partially. It's possible to find someone who has a nice combination of all three. People I know have accomplished this feat. Then again, it's "THEY" found somone and not "ME." There's the difference. I've had many occasions where I've found someone I've actually liked and discovered that they were seeing someone else. On the rare occasion that they were single, I never got the nerve to tell them. Which leads to Law #3...
3. Availability is a function of time. The minute you get interested is the minute they find someone else.
Maybe this should be reworded differently. It should read, "The moment you want to tell them that you're interested in them is the minute they find someone else." It's possible to be interested in them, but at the same time, you haven't told them that you are interested in them. Which might be related to the following: "The amount of love someone feels for you is inversely proportional to how much you love them." Which might explain the " I don't want a guy who is a total jerk" or "I've been f***ed over by a guy" syndrome that certain women get. These syndromes can be explained as follows...
Guy likes a girl but girl has little interest in them. She reconsiders such proposition. She accepts having a relationship with guy who likes her but she does not have much liking for him. Things fall apart and she leaves the unhappy relationship emotionally and physically screwed. This leads to bitter hatred of guy and quite possibly, wary of men. This includes those who are actually nice most of the times and those, well, who are scum most of the times. The number of guys who are actually nice most of the times is larger(I hope. If not, well...) than those who are scum and are wondering what's up with women.
I don't consider myself to be one of the "total jerk" guys and I don't think I've f***ed a girl emotionally. I'm absolutely positive(110% sure) I haven't f***ed a girl physically. Considering that I haven't had that much experience in having an actual relationship with a female might be a good factor in why I haven't done such things to females. Well, that was a nice digression...for the last law.
4. The ABC rule: If A is attracted to B, and you are attracted to C, A has a better chance with B than you do with C. B and C are often the same person.
This happens quite often. I generally lose out for many reasons. See previous three rules. One could also add in the following as well. The nicer someone is, the farther away she is from you. If you think a girl is beautiful, her boyfriend will always be there to confirm it. Being told that someone doesn't want to date you because you're such a good friend, is like being told that you didn't get the job because you're overqualified. The best women are always taken--or crazy. Then again, I don't a little crazy. The woman with 93 cats in their house...well...not that crazy.

I hope you have what I have written. It's time to go back to being single. That's all for now.


Murphy's Law Site
www.murphys-laws.com