The Handyman's Secret Weapon

We're going to use the handyman's secret weapon...duct tape.
-Red Green

Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the Universe together.
-Carl Zwanzig

Greetings and welcome to the Un-Zone, the site for all things Un and a handy source for information relating to alien invasion plans and inevitable world domination. If you would like to know when you'll be assimilated, please check this site on a regular basis. It's now running Mind Control/Reading Language(MC/RL). After two or three visits, you'll be able to see these plans on the site. They're hidden like the word "fnord" in newspapers, magazines, news broadcasts, etc. I'm not that stupid. Like I'm going to type them and show them to anyone...

Now that you know I'm the leader of an alien invasion force, let's go on a strange and wonderful trip through the recesses of my mind. This journey will be on the Duct Tape Express. This post is all about duct tape. It is, quite possibly, one of the most useful substances ever. From taping things to patching bullet wounds to the chest, duct tape is a multi-purpose tool. You just can't leave home without it.

Patching bullet wounds to the chest? You can't use duct tape to patch a bullet wound. Or can you? If you read any EMT/first responder textbook, they tell you how to patch a sucking chest wound with duct tape and a plastic bag. Of course, calling 911 and getting the person to a hospital is the best course, but in a pinch, this might keep a person alive long enough to get them there or at least until an EMT gets there. Military medics keep several rolls of duct tape handy in their first-aid kits. If you run out of bandages or surgical tape, duct tape will work. It sticks and it is waterproof. I use it to keep Bandaids on awkward places like ankles, elbows, and fingers. Those pesky places where they seem to fall off no matter how hard you try.
Most people don't get shot in the chest. That is an extreme example on the usefulness of duct tape. There are many everyday medical uses for duct tape. For more common uses, blister prevention and emergency splints. If you are an outdoors-type of person, you get blisters on your feet from all the hiking and walking. You could buy shoe inserts or moleskin, but one of the best things to use...duct tape. Just wrap a couple layers around your heels and the balls of your feet. You'll be able to walk for miles and miles. If you already have blisters, they're painful when they pop. Use a sterilized needle to release the pus and then wrap in duct tape. Polar expeditions use this method.
Got a sprained ankle? Wrap with a towel and apply several layers of duct tape. Got a broken finger? You immobilize it with a popsicle stick, and wrap with several layers of duct tape. Cracked or bruised ribs? Wrap with duct tape. Even doctors use duct tape. It works, it's cheaper, and it's found everywhere. Surgeons know that razor blades are sharper than surgical scalpels. They have a machine called a blade cutter that cuts razor blades for surgical use. Bet you didn't know that. Duct tape is an HMO on a roll, but a whole lot cheaper. Of course, professional medical help is the best. However, if you are in the middle of nowhere and you don't have a doctor nearby, duct tape is a good thing.

The United States Army. The most advanced and well-equipped military force in the world. Multi-million, multi-billion dollar equipment loaded with computer chips, lasers, and Lord knows what else is in there. When something breaks down or doesn't work that well, what does the Army do to solve these pesky problems? They use duct tape. What? They use duct tape? It's not just any kind of duct tape, but green duct tape. Lots and lots of duct tape. It's scary to think that the Army, let alone the military would not be albe to function without a steady supply of duct tape. A list of several military uses for duct tape. Some of them, quite surprising.
1. Blindfolds, gags, and restraints. This is the classic use of duct tape. Criminals, thugs, and terrorists use this method. Of course, a military built of professional solidier can't be caught using duct tape like common criminals. Some may argue that being stuck on old methods may be detrimental as it develops into stagnancy. Yes, they have newer methods of restraint, but few things beat this classic method.
2. Grenades. If you need firepower in a small package, you can't beat a hand grenade. They're useful, as long as the arming pin isn't pulled prematurely. You have five seconds to throw it as far as you can, or you will become a human pin cushion. Those pins get snagged on clothing real easily. To solve this problem, you wrap the arming pins in a layer or two of duct tape.
3. Bullet holes. Medics using duct tape for bullet wounds, but what about shot-up equipment? Well, you patch them up with duct tape. Some soldiers call green duct tape as "100 MPH tape" because you can fix fabric wings on old planes and fly up to 100 MPH. One person writes of fixing a gas tank with duct tape and some other stuff. He managed to drive 250 miles with this jury-rigged system.
4. Biohazard suits. Remember when Homeland Security told everyone to buy duct tape? And everyone laughed. You won't be laughing after you read this. People involved with biological and chemical weapons use duct tape to prevent themselves from getting infected with deadly bacteria and viruses. The CDC uses duct tape. USAMRIID(United States Army Medical Research Institute of Infectious Diseases) uses duct tape. It's almost scary. To ensure a proper seal on biohazard and chemical weapons suits, they use duct tape, but a brown-colored one. You wrap several layers around the joints to make sure your suit doesn't leak. You also wrap tape around your ankle just in case. If you get a leak in the field suit, you use the duct tape wrapped around your ankle to seal the leak. After all, getting anthrax or some Level Four disease due to an improper seal would be bad and all because you didn't use enough duct tape.

That was just a short listing of what you can do with duct tape. There are many more uses for duct tape. So if you got a problem to solve or something to fix, just reach out and grab the roll of duct tape. You'll be surprised at what it can do.

That's all for now.


The Duct Tape Guys Site
http://www.octanecreative.com/ducttape/index1.html

Medical Uses of Duct Tape
http://www.octanecreative.com/ducttape/hmo/

Military Uses of Duct Tape
http://www.octanecreative.com/ducttape/PX/index.html