Who's Your Daddy?

"You are not the father!"
-Maury Povich

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I'm a man of extremes or I have enjoy a wide variety of things. For instance, I enjoy listening to classical music, but I also enjoy listening to classic rock. I enjoy reading books on particle physics, but I also enjoy reading humorous books on not-so-bright criminals. I enjoy watching shows on...public television...like Nova and Battlefield Britain. On the other end of the TV spectrum, I enjoy watching daytime talkshows.

I enjoy watching daytime talk shows like Jerry Springer and Maury Povitch. I'm not very current with teleision tastes. I've only seen two or three episodes of Desparate Housewives and maybe an episode or two of any reality television show, even American Idol. I've always wondered why I enjoy watching daytime talk shows. It might be becasue they're entertaining. Or it's cheap therapy, reminding you that your life can't be as strange or as bad as theirs. Or maybe because it reminds me of my former life in Manhattan, KS. Anyways...
My life before I moved to Lawrence was a live version of Jerry Springer, but without Steve the security guard and the rest of Jerry's Kids. Now that I think about it, I should also include sex with family members. Trailer park? Yes. Located right by the ubiquitous Walmart? Yes. Drug dealers? Yes. Drunk people? Yes. Illegal immigrants? Most likely yes. A girl who got child support from five guys who might be the father? Yes. A mother/daughter prostitution team? Hell yes. I could go on with more details, but this should be sufficient to portray what was going on where I used to live.
As much as I enjoy Jerry Springer, I enjoy Maury Povich much more. It's because of the paternity test shows. You know those shows. The ones where they bring out a girl who claims "This guy is the father and I never had sex with anyone else" or they had sex with multiple people (sometimes four or five or even more) and they want to know who the father of their child is. It's quite enjoyable to hear Maury Povitch say, "You are not the father!" I don't know. I shouldn't feel enjoyment at this, but I can't help it.

Which brings me to the topic of this blog. The phrase "Who's your daddy?" People use it for some strange reason, particularly when having sex. I don't know of anyone in real life who uses that phrase. Supposedly, some people actually use this phrase. Then again, I haven't asked anyone and I doubt that I will any time soon. Well, at least people use it in television shows and movies.
The guy asks, "Who's your daddy?" The girl responds, "You are! You are!" Supposedly, this is a sign of satisfaction with the act of intercourse. It sounds incestual when a person responds with "You are! You are!" It ruins the mood. In my opinion, there are sexier phrases to use and "Who's you daddy" isn't one of them. Unless of course, both of you like that phrase. Why, I'm not exactly sure. Even then, you can come up with something a lot better.
This is not based upon actual, personal experience. It's based upon mental thought. It's how many people come up with great ideas. Einstein came up with his ideas on relativity with his elaborate thought experiments. Good 'ol imagination. Not that this is going to win me a Nobel Prize or anything.

Just think about it. No, really. Just think about it for a few seconds. Yeah. The mental picture wasn't all that good. The sex was so good, you're her father. Or that's what the answer implies. Um, that is, if you're taking it literally, which most people don't. It's not what most people are thinking about at that particular moment. Well, at least most people don't. Some people think about housework or what they're going to do the next day. It's odd how the mind wanders off on other things. I'm guilty of that. But even then, it sounds creepy. Now that I think about it, maybe you shouldn't think about it. Too late.
Now that I've got you shuddering or wanting to take a shower or wondering what the hell goes on in my mind or a combination of all three, let's move on with this topic.

The phrase has the meaning of domination or respect, when fathers actually got respect from others. If you beat someone, like really beat someone, you might say, "Who's your daddy" while miming spanking motions. This is the most canonical use of this phrase. When done properly, it can be humiliating to the person who got beat, or if you prefer, got their proverbial ass whooped. However, some people just can't do this properly. When they do this, they look funny. One might be mistakenly identified as a boy band backup dancer reject. Um...that came out sounding wrong. I have no knowledge about boybands or being a backup dancer for a boyband. They're better off saying "I won" and leaving it at this.
Then again, when taken in the sexual connotation, it can be appropriately freaky. As long as you don't think about the creepy incestual connotations. It has to do with how you say it. Like many things in life and in law, it all depends on how you say it.
If you do it with a Barry White/Shaft baritone with the right amount of sexiness, it sound good, really good. Then again, Barry White can say anything and make it sound sexy. Nearly everything. Certain languages, no matter how hard you try, sound like you're retching into an airsickness bag. I can think of a few languages off the top of my head. Certain words sound weird too.
A good way to get a quick laugh. Say "Who's your daddy" while sounding like you've inhaled helium or like a chipmunk (a la Alvin and the Chipmunks). However, some might find it, none the less, creepy or scary. Especially if you do it while miming spanking motions. I should know. I've done it before. That's another story. Another digression.
If you haven't questioned my sanity earlier before this post, maybe this post has got a seed of doubt in your head. I'm gonna mess with your mind a whole lot more. One more question before I end. Who's your daddy?

That's all for now.