Platform 9 and 3/4 and Carrel 3-31

Greetings and welcome to the Un-Zone, the official site where you can read the random, yet coherent thoughts that float in the mind of a KU Law School student. Unless you possess mind reading equipment or you are naturally telepathic, this is the only verified source. If you do happen to have such technology or this "gift," the US government will abduct you and perform experiments. In traditional fashion, they'll deny it ever happened. I know. My relative's UFO was repossessed at Roswell, New Mexico in 1947. Anyways...

One of the supposed benefits as a KU Law School 2L is the study carrel. Instead of a small pseudo-cubicle in the slightly-stuffy law school basement (commonly called "The Dungeon"), one gets a small pseudo-cubicle on the 3rd through 5th floors of the law school library. That's a MAJOR improvement over a small pseudo-cubicle in the basement! Excuse me for that moment of sarcasm. I can't help myself. Despite being told about all the great things of law school, it isn't halfway close to how people describe it.
If you haven't seen these pseudo-cubicles, it isn't as great as people describe it. For those who have not, imagine a utilitarian desk made of an unholy composite of plastic and something that wants to be wood. Put up three walls of this same material covered with fake cherry paneling. Place a "shelf" made of the wall material above the desk. For added spite to students, toss in a chair upholstered in a funny blue material that's closely related to burlap. That's the supposedly vaunted "study carrel," the pinacle of form, function, and efficiency in study that 2Ls and 3Ls all want. I think I'd rather find a quiet corner in the law school and study. Either that or the informal commons which has much better chairs but looks like a lobby in a modern art museum. In my opinion, there's way too much earth tones and recessed lights. One would also think the administration would spend a little more money in getting the heating/cooling system upgraded. It is inconsistent. Some rooms are sweltering and others are frigid. I digress.

As a 2L, I decide to sign up for a study carrel. Lo and behold, I see a signup list for study carrels. Noting that nearly all of them are signed up for with two names, I find an empty one. Carrel 3-31. Interestingly enough, when the SBA posted the official list of carrel assignments, they misspelled my name. I'm now "James On." Go figure. There's also a sheet for "phantom carrels" or carrels that do not exist. If your carrel does not exist, you sign this sheet with your name and your "phantom carrel" number. So I check to see if my carrel exists. I check the third floor very carefully. They have 3-25, but nothing past that. My carrel doesn't exist, just like a parking space in the Yellow parking lots after 9:30 AM. I take that back. The parking lots exist, but they're full.

Excuse me for a moment while I go into The World of Make Believe...

My carrel does exist, but in a magical dimension like Train Platform Nine and Three-Quarters in the Harry Potter novels. All I have to do to get there, that is my study carrel, would be to extrapolate its location if it were to exist in the real world and walk towards it with absolute confidence. Or I partake of illegal drugs. Once I do that, I will magically arrive at study carrel 3-31 and all my problems will be solved. To accomplish this goal, I'll need to calculate the length of an average carrel and the spacing between them.
I've taken rough measurements of these distances and averaged them out. One of the major assumptions I have made is that the carrels continue unimpeded by other foreign objects. This is based upon the description in Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone. In the book, the Hogwarts Express platform is located where a solid wall is. I have approximated the location of the mythical study carrel 3-31 and it is located in a corner directly across from Room 309. In this corner are a table and several chairs. This might be a poor spot for a carrel, but it's ideal. It's in a corner that few people go to and this reduces the chance someone will see me pop out of a wall.And study carrel 3-31? What will it be like? Quite possibly, the damn best place to hang out at ever. Not some pseudo-cubicle, but an expansive space. Ideally, it would be akin to an Armani suit. Something stylish, a timeless blend of modern and classic.
A large leather sofa and not just any ordinary leather. Leather with a buttery texture that will make you melt into the seat. Five or six comfortable chairs. You need some sort of entertainment. A plasma TV with DVD player. A multi-format CD player. Dolby surround sound system. An eclectic assortment of books, newspapers and magazines. A dart board. Maybe two. An XBox and a Playstation 2. A pool table or two. A ping-pong table for ping-pong and Beer Pong. What else should be in there? A high-quality European coffemaker for various coffee drinks. Soda. A fully stocked bar with all sorts of alcohol. That will be perfect. Ahh...a piece of law school heaven.
I've got to share the wealth with others. It won't be any fun if I'm the only one enjoying all of this stuff. I'll invite people over. It'll be invitation only. We'll watch movies and listen to music as loud as we want. Play videogames. Eat, drink, and be merry, for law school can be a very taxing experience. No hassles, no worries, no problems.
We all need to relax. Put away the books for a few moments. Time will slow down to a near perfect stop. All of this will be possible in study carrel 3-31, the Shangri-La of Green Hall. All I have to do is find it, walk in and take possession in Fee Simple Absolute for eternity(My former Property professor says the three most romantic words are fee simple absolute). I can just imagine it right now...

Damn. Time to get back to reality. Most likely, I'll get one of those pseudo-cubicles that all the 2Ls and 3Ls get. It's too bad reality won't be close to what I imagined, at least with respect to study carrel 3-31. However, while I'm studying or if I'm bored, I'll imagine I'm in the mythical 3-31 of my dreams. It will make the experience much more pleasant.

That's all for now.