Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Happy Halloween

Greetings and welcome back to The Un-Zone, the only site on the Internet devoted to all things related to Un. It's time for an update...

Happy halloween. Have fun dressing up in costumes.
If you're a female, you're probably going to wear a costume that is more risque than what you normally wear in real life. This goes for everyone, as even the regular church goers(Sundays and possibly Wednesday naight), will be dressing up this year. Unless you are an ultra-conservative and instead of dressing up in a costume and giving out candy, you will be passing out anti-Halloween tracts saying it is a sin and Halloween is a trap made by Satan as seen in this Chick Tract. We're all going to burn in Hell and there are evil Satanistic covens who want sacrifices and candy is filled with razor blades:


Just remember this, if you are a guy, do not dress up like a woman every year. It is not a good thing. Sure, you may get laughs, but seriously, consider the following. People will begin to wonder if you are questioning your gender. This goes double if you decide to go all the way and decide that everything has to make you feel the part...yeah. You're one lipgloss tube away from the sex change operation. Now that is evil.
Or you could be like this man and be Steve Irwin:


I just found out that the stand-up Open Mic contest is not on November 15th, but on November 8th. Apparently, there is a KU basketball game on November 15th. At KU, basketball wins out. So, I now have a week less to make some funny stuff up and make people laugh. I can handle that. I'm a law school student. I've been trained to make up stuff in short amounts of time.

And just in case you haven't seen this, it seems appropriate for today.


That's all for now.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

The Madness Begins Soon...

Greetings and welcome back to The Un-Zone, the only site on the Internet devoted to all things related to Un. It's time for an update.

Despite being a 3L in law school, and with all of the other very important things associated with it (Trial Ad Final Trial, Law School Finals in December, MPRE), I am going to plunge forward and do NaNoWriMo again for 2006. For those who do not know what this is, basically, you write or attempt to write a 50,000 word novella during the month of November.
Normally, I would make and use a separate blog to keep everything straight in my mind as well as ease of use and reading. This year, however, I am going to do this online novel posting on this blog.
You may have noticed the NaNoWriMo tracker thing on the bottom of the page. It will keep track of everything until this ends. Assuming I update this often enough.
OK, during the month of November, you might notice some really strange stuff (and I do mean strange) on the home page for the month of November. It's all NaNoWriMo related because I am too lazy to make a new blog using Blogger.
I wonder how many people will come on to this site and wonder what the hell happened to the normal spiel on here...


And for a different type of madness, an Indian version of Michael Jackson's music video, Thriller straight from Bollywood, India's version of Hollywood. I saw this during my International Trade class and boy, at 9:00 AM, it was entertaining in an over-the-top ridiculous way. There is nothing like seeing Indian zombies dressed in saris doing synchronized pelvic thrusts and the Frankenstein/wereworlf walk, lip-syncing in Hindi, and well, doing what is considered a music video in that part of the world. If you've seen it, doesn't the guy look somewhat like Richard Pryor?
That's all for now.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Political Ads

Greetings and welcome back to The Un-Zone, the only site on the Internet for all things related to Un. It's time to get another update on this site. For it seems like I won't be able to come up with much time or any ideas very soon. Nothing like preparing for a Trial Ad mini-trial...oh the joys. That and getting pre-trial orders and jury instructions printed off..all 48 pages. Nothing like making triplicate copies. I digress.

You've probably seen all of those political ads on TV. It's probably the only ads you will see on the major networks. It's kind of pathetic that I am longing for ads for useless consumer products right now. Just for some sanity. I don't think I can stand another Missouri Senate or a Kansas AG ad right now. I actually cheered when the reception went bad during a campaign ad involving one of the candidates. Not sure who it was...all the ads are so alike.
If you believe what all the ads are saying, you can summarize the "important" races and the candidates invovles as follows...
For the Missouri Senate, you can either choose between:
A. A woman who says a bunch of hot air to get votes, but does little or nothing while marrying a corrupt nursing home owner and getting money from the nursing home cronies.
OR
B. A Bush-following robot who votes 94% of the time for Bush-supported measures, who is lining his pockets with money from Big Oil and the pharmaceutical companies, and is screwing the people of Missouri by cutting their Medicaid/Medicare support, votes against raising the federal minimum wage, all while giving himself 6 pay raises.
For the Kansas Attorney General:
A. Someone who would violate your privacy by looking into your medical records and who would be so desparate by using "bottom-feeding" ads that talk about unfounded allegations that are 15 years old and says this speaks highly of the questionability of his opponent.
OR
B. Someone who might be a sexual-harasser, someone who is not tough on crime, who would use scare-tactics to get votes, and who is, quite plainly, an all-around evil person that you should not trust to be attorney general.
Given choices between those two, in both races, I would choose "neither" and put in a write-in candidate, assuming that is actually possible. Well, if those were the only choices, and I had to choose one, it would be like looking at two dirty, nasty pairs of underwear and deciding which one was, theoretically, the cleanest. Yes, doesn't this speak highly of American-style democracy?

On a related (well, kind of related note), the fun you could theoretically have while watching such ads. You've probably seen or even actively played a drinking game of some sort. Basically, the premise of the drinking game is to take a certain number of sips (or cans of beer or shots or...) whenever an action is done. For example, if you were watching the show 24, a drinking game rule might be as follows:
"Any time that Jack Bauer survives an assassination attempt, drink one shot of tequila."
With the November midterm elections coming up, it seems like nearly every ad you see on TV is a political ad determined to get you to vote a certain way or to question how good the other candidate is. Afeter enough commercials of that nature, you probably want to have a drink or two or shoot your TV. Why not make this a bit more enjoyable by playing a drinking game? NOTE: this is not meant to advocate the consumption of alcohol in an unreasonable manner. If you do drink, do not operate anything at all.

THE RULES
ONE DRINK
1. If the candidate says "I approve this message"
2. If the candidate says "family values"
3. If the candidate says "amnesty for illegal immigrants"
4. If the background is black and the letters are white
5. If "terrorism," "9/11," or "freedom" is mentioned
TWO DRINKS
1. If the ad plays corny music that you wouldn't listen too, even when you're drunk and feeling nostagic because you know it's pure, unadulterated crap
2. If the candidate says their opponent will "cut and run" from Iraq
3. If the candidate says their opponent is wrong on the issues
4. If the candidate says their opponent voted for Bush-supported measures X% of the time
5. If "stem cell" is mentioned in any way during the ad
6. If "paid for by the Repulican Senate Committee" or "paid for by the Democratic Senate Committee" is printed in small print at the bottom and quickly spoken by a serious-sounding female voice
THREE DRINKS
1. If an ad says "to be continued" anywhere
2. If bad, grainy, unflattering pictures of the opponent that make them look like an evil monster or a criminal is used
3. If carefully edited statements from newspaper clippings are used making the opponent look bad are used (EX: "misleading," "exaggerates," "wrong," "using office for political gain")
4. If the ad mentions allegations of criminal activity by the opponent or people related to the opponent
5. If the ad mentions "child pornography" and "crimes against children"
6. If the ad mentions tax cuts or anything related to the economy
THE ENTIRE BOTTLE, 24-PACK, OR AN ENTIRE LIQUOR STORE
1. After seeing one ad
2. Any time you feel like before, during, or after the ad
ABSTAINING FROM DRINKING ALCOHOL FOREVER
1. Any time the ad doesn't mention anything negative about the opponent
2. Any time the ad doesn't misrepresent the facts in any way
3. Any time you have the slighest inkling in your mind that you would want to vote for either candidate
4. The ad talks about real issues that actually affect real people in a plain, rational, non-sensational manner

I think this is quite comprehensive, but feel free to change these rules and add in any changes you would like.

That's all for now.

Monday, October 23, 2006

Random Stuff

Greetings and welcome back to The Un-Zone, the only site on the Internet devoted to all things related to Un. It's time for an update.

1. The KC Chiefs nearly proved me right yesterday. I was watching the Chiefs play the Chargers and the Chiefs were ahead 20-6 at halftime. There was a look of pleasant surprise on my face as the Chiefs actually had an offense and defense (mainly defense) playing on the field. Getting three turnovers in the first quarter against a pretty good team is an accomplishment. I was discussing the game with someone and this person said, "You were too hard on the Chiefs. It looks like they are going to win."
Um...this is the Kansas City Chiefs we're talking about. They have a history of well, putting it politely, ENDING UP BEING THE DAMN LOSER, whether or not they have the lead. Remember last year when they scored an average of nearly 40 points a game but their defense allowed the other team to score 42? And when the Chiefs had a nearly insurmountable lead but due to sheer incompetence, blew it all away in the second half, let alone the fourth quarter? Or how they had to rely on last second heroics (or stupid mistakes by the other team) to win a game they should have won much easier?
So I tell this person, "This is the KC Chiefs. They can manage to lose a game, and I mean any game. They'll find a way."
And I was being proven right. The 20 to 6 lead turned into a 27 to 27 tie...with Sand Diego with the ball and two minutes left. Yes, the perfect way to show how bad the Chiefs can get. Especially the defense. The solid Red Wall in the first half somehow developed holes. The Chargers were playing a lot better.
Then the Chiefs finally got back-to-back sacks and actually stopped the offense. For once. And the Chiefs win by three.
Yes, they won. But in an ugly way. The special teams were horrible. The defense went from an A to a C-, maybe a D. I think that the KC Star is overestimating the Chief's defense. They still have major problems with blown coverage and allowing big plays when the Chiefs have a lead of any sort in the second half. I mean, if you're going to go 9 on the line, they you've got to cover everyone and not let the other team to waltz into the end zone. The offense was doing fine. Tony Gonzalez had a fine day. Larry Johnson had a more typical running day with two touchdowns. Huard did well, but he has a problem with not releasing the ball fast enough.
A good game, but kind of ugly near the end. But a win is a win...I guess. If they were only more consistent, though.

2. What party do you belong to if you can rip holes into both party's ads. I mean, I have a field day shredding Phil Kline's ads (cause he has a problem with mistating stuff...think about the medical records ad). Paul Morrison, his ads are suspect, because I don't trust any politician when they say they are going to be honest, let alone do what is best for the citizens.
The Missouri senate race ads are just bad. Both sides exaggerate and frankly, if I lived in Missouri, I would vote for neither party just due to how crappy their ads are. Come on Talent, if the best mud-slinging ad is pulling up stuff from what, nearly ten years ago, you need better campaign strategists. I can think of a hundred better ad topics than the nursing home bit. Just like the Kansas Tourism Board's slogan, "Think big!" And Claire, why are you running ads with schmaltzy music? It's getting to be annoying.
Dennis Moore, most deadbeat dads don't go leave the country if they don't want to pay child support. They travel across state lines and hide. It's much cheaper. A lot of people don't have passports, because, unlike politicians who get junket trips to exotic locales, they stay in the country.
When you see all of the ads, you end up with the feeling that voting for either party will screw you badly. It's like choosing between getting a stick of lit TNT or an armed anti-personnel fragmentation hand grenade forcefully shoved where the sun don't shine. Even when the ads are positive and they talk about what good they're going to do for the common folks, it's most likely a lie. Once they get voted in, it's a lot of benefits for them and the rich. Screw the constituents, and get a check from the lobbyists. Your vote may count, but a hundred thousand dollars here and there speak a lot louder.

3. Anyone who runs fifty marathons in fifty days is scarily superhuman and is most likely a robot. If they consider it fun, that's even more scary. Enough said.


That's all for now.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

In The News...

It's time for that thing I'd like to call the update to this blog. This time, I will take a look at the news and offer some comments.

First up is the terrorist plot to attack Major League football stadiums on Sunday. Apparently, Kansas City and Arrowhead Stadium are not on the list. Apparently, according to Tony at Tony's Kansas City, Kansas City is not "major league" enough. I offer the following explanation: Watching the Chiefs "play" football is like being attacked every single week. Consider the following...
1. The plot involved a dirty bomb exploding.
The Kansas City Chiefs defense bombs every single week and allows the opposing team to launch guided missiles into the end zone. Therefore, the Chief's defense can't clean the reputation for having more holes than a US convoy driving down the streets of Baghdad. Heck, considering how often the defense got burned against Pittsburgh, all their credibility got blown away, just like a nuclear bomb exploding.
2. A dirty bomb includes radioactive material.
The Chiefs aren't radioactive, but there is an apt metaphor for how well they are playing right now. Like Three Mile Island, they are suffering from a serious meltdown that is endangering their season as well as fan support. Who wants to pay money to see mediocrity on the field? Wait, that describes voters in Jackson County who go along with this every time the Chiefs want more money...
3. Bomb explosions create lots of smoke and fire.
As stated earlier, the Chiefs get burned every Sunday they play. Hell, we might as well include Monday Night games. The fans are on fire, mainly because they are angry that the defense is beyod suspect and into the "beyond a reasonable doubt" level of bad, the offense needs Jesus to raise them up from the dead, the coaching is questionable, and the team owner won't pony up for better players. Every week, the Chiefs somehow manage to underperform in some aspect. Whether it is getting blown out or barely managing to win. Add to this the smoke and fire from the tailgaters, and hell, it looks like a massive fire is occuring there every time the Chiefs play at Arrowhead. You can spot that while flying over from at least a mile away. Or smell it.

Second, this article posted on a blog was well worth posting. I really can't make any sarcastic comments about this because it is so true. Very good use of math though. Hey, I've got one. You can change a person's heart and mind by shooting 275,00 bullets, but it normally kills them.

Third, 4 US soldiers are being court-martialed for raping and killing a 14 year-old girl and then burning her body to cover up the incident. That's not a way of winning the hearts and minds of Iraqis. And no, this is not an evil tactic used by the biased media to attack the war against terrorist being fought in Iraq. The Fark comment thread to this article is quite amusing.

Finally, C.J Giles can add to his list of bad off-the-basketball court behavior. In addition to academic troubles, he can now add failure to pay child support to this list. Giles can shoot and score (some might not up to his potential abilities), but this time, even if he did shoot and score poorly, by playing with a different set of balls, even a poor performance can lead to unexpected consequences.


That's all for now.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Corporate Donor Naming Ideas

Greetings and welcome back to The Un-Zone, the only site on the Internet totally devoted to all things related to Un. It's time for an update.

Recently, actually, about a week ago, the KU Law administration said that instead of repairing the faulty air conditioning equipment, they have decided to buy a brand new system. Which is greatly needed, as they old system was breaking down at least once a semester and always when it was at least 90 degrees outside. The bad news is that it will take at least March 2007 before the system in bought and installed and fully (hopefully, fingers crossed) functional.
It would suck worse than a cheap $2 whore in a seedy Bangkok brothel(no personal knowledge about this experience) if the heating system broke down during the winter, but I doubt that will be too much of a problem. After all, this is a law school and copious amounts of hot air is produced every day. There should be plenty of hot air to heat the entire law school and I doubt production would decrease.
It's probably due to budget cuts and counting every penny that has led to this problem. You've got to have enough funds to pay for everything and well, if you're a state funded school, sometimes, you have to suck up and accept a cut in your budget. Then you pass it on to the students who pay an increase of 20% in tuition costs to make up for the deficit. And it is still not enough.
The law school has corporate donors and recently, several law school classrooms were named after these generous donors. I've got some other objects and places in the law school that can be named after corporate donors.

1. CLOCKS
Clocks are a metaphor for lawyers. Both ruthlessly keep track of minutes and both are produced in large numbers. Once could add in usefulness, but that is highly debatable. At least for some lawyers.
There is another bonus. Law school students will look up at the clock constantly, named or unnamed. Most count down the time until a particularly boring class is over. None shall be named. Hey, it is the only time anyone, especially law school students, look up to lawyers for anything. Maybe if they want to know how to be unethical according to a recent poll.

2. FLOOR TILES
This may look like a totally useless suggestion, but think about this. If people are willing to pay a hundred bucks for a brick with their name on it, a law firm can pony up a thousand bucks for a measly floor tile that may or may not be made out of real stone. Unless you are a real penny-pincher or you are that poor. If you fall into one of those categories, the law school definitely does not want you as a corporate donor.
Floor tiles are highly symbolic, just like clocks. It provides a level of immense satisfaction for angry people to stomp on a law firm once in their lifetime instead of getting run over by a law firm. We all have heard of these stories before or have been part of such story. Think of this action as building positive community relationships with lawyers.

3. HVAC SYSTEM
Considering the state of disrepair and how often the HVAC system breaks down (not scheduled to be up and running until March 2007), a brand new HVAC system would be welcome right now. Seriously, as it gets hot in the law school. Very hot. Hotter that you can possibly imagine, unless you live in the Sahara.
If you can generously donate enough money to buy an HVAC system, that would be great and would save money budgeted for overpriced and distincly modern looking furniture that are boxes designed by a bald Scandinavian working for Ikea with a doctorate in an arcane field like body ergonomics and kinesiology.
Until this happens, the law school may connect your name with the current HVAC system and you shall be known as the law firm that blows out large amounts of hot air throughout the year and breaks down constantly.

4. BATHROOM
This option can be a mixed blessing. You get a room named after you but it is the bathroom. Who wants to have a bathroom named after your firm? Nothing is safe from crude jokes. Even the most straight laced adult can make up bathroom jokes. The sinks aren’t safe. "Washing our responsibility away like Pontius Pilate." Paper towel dispensers are not safe. And you can come up with a lot of jokes about toilets and urinals. “Don’t pass up this opportunity: work for (insert law firm name). Call now by flushing.” or "Pissing your dollars away" or “Just like this toilet, the law may look crystal clear, but we all know both are full of...”
By paying a small sum, your law firm can have a naming ceremony plus an additional commemorative plaque installed with a 500-character limit. No restrictions in what you can say at the ceremony or what you can engrave on the plaque. First Amendment Rights and restrictions on free speech apply. The possibilities are endless unless your firm actually has impeccable ethics, plays fair and would not even think about ruining the reputation of other law firms.

5. SPECIAL OPTIONS
By paying an additional ad valorem fee, currently pegged at 10% of your donation, your law firm can hold a naming ceremony. At the naming ceremony, your law firm is allowed 30 minutes for any remarks that your law firm may want to make. Since this is a law school, the law school is a public forum and all opinions, no matter how inflammatory, are welcome.
In addition to the naming ceremony, by paying this fee, your law firm will have to opportunity to have an additional decorative plaque installed. This plaque can be engraved with 500 characters of your choice. As with the speech, anything is allowed, but within applicable First Amendment restraints.


That's all for now. If you have any other suggestions, please feel free to include your suggestions in the comments section.

Monday, October 16, 2006

Dude...That's My Song

Greetings and welcome back to The Un-Zone, the only site on the Internet devoted solely to all things related to Un. It's time to post an update to this site. Because I know that you all can't live a day without your semi-regular post. Just kidding.

I've never been much of a fashionable or trendy guy. Though I find it funny that people pay money to keep their hair up permanently in a spiky style, whereas I pay money to keep it down. Technically, I have been stylish and trendy by doing nothing at all but succumbing to genetic makeup. And by being my non-trendy, not-fashion-conscious self, I have been fashionable several years later. I guess the "wearing clean clothes that don't make you look ugly" works and is quite timeless. Go and figure that one out.
Yes, I have become a fan of blogging and Facebook, though relatively late on the trendiness curve. That's OK. But one thing I am definitely not doing is jumping onto the "hip hop/rap" bandwagon. The one where people try to look cool and edgy by dressing up like hip-hop/rap artists and portray that they are living the gangsta' lifestyle. The ones who suffer from a serious melanin deficiency (think Vanilla Ice) and listen to Snoop Dogg and Jay-Z and other legit rappers to make up for a lack of street credibility.
You probably have seen some of them where you live, especially if you live in such hardcore gangster places like Johnson County. If I tilt my head correctly, I can hear some white guys in Olathe shouting the following phrases:
"What's up? I'm representin' the home turf 'casue I'm a OG from the OP down in Johnson County!"
OR
"We go loco in JoCo!"
OR
"Dude, THAT'S MY SONG!"

Sorry. Though I lack any street credibility, I think I know enough to know that white boy from Overland Park in Johnson County ain't an original gangster from the hood. Maybe he's representing the Country Club Plaza crowd at the strip mall hot spots, but he ain't no thug or soldier or pimp with a limp. Next time, try that little routine on someone from let's say, Cabrini Green or East Saint Louis or maybe one of the less-visited places in downtown Detroit. Ghosty Gangsta from the Shady Side of the tree won't last two seconds.

Which brings me to the main story. Ahem. I think you might recognize people in your own life who act this way...

MAIN STORY
I'm going to the gym to exercise when I see this white guy wearing a white shirt. The stereotypical wifebeater kind you get from Hanes in a three pack from WalMart. Classic. And he is bobbing and weaving his head like he's in a 15 round prize fight for no particular reason.
Maybe he's listening to some music. I've done that before, but not in the energetic fashion that this guy is doing it. I mean it's really energetic. Like his neck is a spring for a bobblehead doll.
Then it becomes worse. He does the spastic white boy breakdancing arm movements. You've probably seen them done before. The spastic arm roll. The "Wave Your Hands in the Air" and the classic Trustifarian Arm Pump. All while bobbing his head along erratically.
I'm not exactly sure what song this poor soul was listening to, but I'm sure that when he heard the song, the guy was screaming, "DUDE, THIS IS MY SONG!" And he probably pumped the volume up on the I-Pod or the radio and started to do said erratic dance movements that would get him laughed off the dance floor. Even in vanilla Johnson County. Or get his ass kicked if the tried to pull off those same moves in a Soul Train dancer audition.
But the best part, is while I'm making the left turn to go where I want to go, I take a look at the driver. He has a pained look on his face. Embarassed that his passenger is dancing like a fool and everyone is probably watching him do his sixty seconds of God-knows-what form of dancing. Comic gold.
If I only took some pictures to immortalize him on the Internet. Ah, I guess that is how things work sometimes in life.

So, remember these important life lessons:
1. Don't pretend to be cool by dressing like a hip-hop/rap artist because odds are, you look like a fool and people will laugh at you. Maybe not in your face, but they are laughing.
2. Learn how to dance hip-hop and get a sense of rhythm. It may fool the JoCo highschool crowd, but it ain't gonna pass the test in places where such forms of dancing is an art form.
3. If you suffer from "Vanillaiceitis" or the tragic disease of suffering from a melanin deficiency and trying to make up for such lack by trying to look like you're from the tough streets of Compton, get cured. This disease is easily spread and one person with it is enough.
4. Be yourself, even if it means being uncool. At least you are being yourself. God forbid you change and try to be something you're not. You'll probably fail in your efforts and they will laugh at you even harder. Spare yourself the indignity of this.


That's all for now.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Some Thoughts on Elections

I'd like to preface this by saying that the following are the personal views of this blogger. Personally, I don't trust that either party is good for the United States and no matter who we vote in, things will be the same in Washington. They all talk the talk we want to hear and then they cut and run. That is, get a check cut for them and they run with it to the bank. Or they cut off from their constituents and run away from responsibility. Or they cut off from their constituents and run again for office. You get my point. Oh well. What follows will seem like a total waste of time and absolutely contradictory from my little spiel above.


There are going to be midterm elections in November and there are many issues that will play a part in how people vote. I'me going to offer some thoughts on some of the issues that will play a part this November.

TERRORISM AND NATIONAL SECURITY
1. The No-Fly List
The No-Fly List, instituted after 9/11, was supposed to be a comprehensive list of people who should not be allowed to fly on airplanes and anyone with a name matching a person on that list should be taken out and questioned (legally of course, what ever that means to the current administration). Guess what. It doesn't work and there are serious problems.
If you have seen Sixty Minutes lately, you would have known that the government isn't doing a good job with that list and how to implement it.
It's supposed to be updated. Nope. Dead hijackers from 9/11 are still on that list. The official reason is that someone might assume those names and well, we really don't know if they are dead or not. This is coming from the person who was responsible for updating the list. Um...I think that if you are in a plane and you smash it into a building and the results are near-total incineration, it's safe to assume that they are dead. Unless they are immortal and have fast-regeneration powers, there is little chance they are alive. The British bombers who were recently arrested weren't on the list. And they were being investigated for an entire year. And it was compiled in a random way. Known terrorists are not on the list because it might be a breach of national security. They might find out and not fly on airplanes because of that. Um, Bin Laden survived so long because he AVOIDS getting caught. Go figure out that logic.
Oh, by the way, the airlines are only given a list of names. The official government list has date of births included and other relevant information like pictures. So if you happen to have a name on the list, be prepared to wait for six hours until you can prove you are NOT a suspected terrorist.
Why aren't these pieces of relevant information given to the guys working at the airport? National security. Yes, national security. The same reason why we have the list. Supposedly, the information is "TOP SECRET" and the airline people don't have sufficient clearance. The terrorists might find out they are on the list. So, national security says we have the list, but we can't help the nice airport people out because national security says that it would be a breach of national security to put in date of birth and a damn picture. OK...and I thought that the IRS code made no sense. This takes the cake.
2. Classifying Documents
This also makes no sense. Stuff that was in textbooks is now considered top secret. Again, it's for national security reasons. Anyone with a library card or an Internet connection can find formerly top secret information. Go figure out that logic. Hell, they still have World War I battle plans that are still top secret. Don't want the terrorists to find out how we'e going to liberate Europe in 1918. It might give them an unfair advantage.
Wait. Anyone can figure out top secret plans just by looking at non-clasified documents. They've done this in the fifties. It's how the Soviets knew which persons were people of interest. They just looked at Washington DC phonebooks, Who's Who, and other publically available information. Hell, a group of college professors involved in statistics deduced stuff so well about the Department of Defense's budget and military plans, that it matched the official plans in every single aspect.
3. The Blame Game on North Korea and 9/11 and Everywhere Else
Which party can make the United States safer? Don't believe the ads you see on television or the news. It's all BS. That's it. Neither party can. Unless they work together to solve the problems with real solutions instead of trying to make the other party look bad.
Who's to blame for 9/11? Both parties are. The CIA gave weapons and training to the mujahadeen in the 1980s because the Soviet Union was bad and an enemy of an enemy was a friend. Oddly enough, the mujahadeen became Al Qaeda and the Taliban. After the attacks on the US embassies, the first World Trade Center bombing in 1993, and the USS Cole attack, Al Qaeda claimed responsibility. Not enough was done back in the Clinton years. When G.W. Bush took over, don't you think that those previous attacks were enough to make a person think that Al Qaeda really hated the US? That something should have been done? Guess it took 9/11 to do something about the situation. Not good enough.
The CIA and FBI hate eachother. They couldn't work together to stop the threat. Hell, both intelligence agencies tried to work as little as possible with translating Arabic so they could get more money. That shows a level of competence we can trust on.
Who is to blame for the current situation in North Korea? Again, everyone is to blame. Neither side did enough. We appeased North Korea before and gave them the rights to have nuclear reactors AND we ignored them later. They actually had WMDs and we ignored them. Did nothing and invaded Iraq based on a gross misapplication of faulty intelligence.
4. Intelligence Gathering
You've probably heard about the tussle over how we can gather intelligence from suspected Al Qaeda members or from terrorists in general. The current White House administration wants to give the CIA some leeway. After all, sometimes the situation requires some more forceful methods. And to make sure it is legal, we will define what is legal or not. The President will decide what's good or not depending on the situation.
Hey, a few hits will do them good. That's fine. Simulated drowning? Well, it worked before and these are terrorists. How about sleep deprivation? What about simulated sex. Barking attack dogs? It just depends. And it can be perfectly legal as long as the President decides so. Geneva Conventions don't apply. Abu Graib was an unfortunate but disgusting mistake.
The terrorists are using reprehensible methods when they behead people and mistreat them by beating them, but when Americans use simulated drowning, sleep deprivation and other similar methods, it's OK since we are "civilized" people. It's a battle of saving the free world of democracy from the Islamofascists.
On a related note, we don't need to bother about giving them habeas corpus, the chance to show that they aren't guilty and they have not commited a crime. Why would we want to give suspected terrorists that right? They don't deserve it. Tell that to the unfortunate Canadian citizen who wasn't a terrorist, extraorinarily rendered to Syria for interrogation, and was beaten for an entire year. Oops, we made a mistake. Go back home and don't tell anyone. Isn't that what civilized people do?
Either way, both parties will skew the facts to suit their needs, thereby making little if any progress on solving such problems. In the end, the people lose and the politicians win.
Now, based upon everything, which party can make the US safer?

TAXES
People don't want to pay taxes. It's a given. President G.W. Bush knows this fact and so he gave people tax cuts and the refunds. Did you really prosper from these actions? Odds are, you didn't. Guess what. All the real benefits went to the extremely rich.
The estate tax. Everyone talks about this. Guess what? It doesn't apply to you unless your net worth is at least a million dollars, if not more. Are you worth a million dollars? I'm thinking you're not. It only applies to 1.5 percent of the population. The super-rich people making at least six-figures every single year. Joe Schmoe ain't making that much.
In fact, all of the tax cuts that are good for the US citizens only apply if you define "citizen" as "those who fall in the uppermost tax brackets, namely those making at least six-figures every year in taxable income."
When was the last time you saw a person living in a trailer park doing itemized deductions like paying property taxes on their house? Or for that matter, a middle-class citizen taking itemized deductions on business expenses? Owner occupied housing tax subsidies cost $157 billion each year. If you happen to own two houses, you can get a deduction on the second house also. They're all great subsidies costing tax payers hundreds of billions of dollars. Most of the money is going to the rich, not the average person.
Anytime the government or anyone says that the Bush Tax Cuts are good for the nation, seriously ask yourself who is benefiting from them. The chances are high that you're not benefiting at all. After all, the more money you have, the more influence you have in the political world.

SOCIAL SECURITY
You're all probably thinking that the taxes you pay for Social Security is kept safe from the greedy palms of the government. It's put in the Social Security Trust Fund and kept separate so when you retire, you can take your portion out. yeah right. Welcome back to planet Earth.
Guess what. Once it reaches Washington DC, it's indistinguishable from all the other cash the government gets. If Congress needs a billion dollars to pay from a day in Afghanistan and Iraq, poof, it's gone. Basically, it is an IOU. The government will "promise" to pay it later.
You might be wondering why the government comes up with different numbers for the budget deficit/surplus. Now you know wy. It plays the numbers game with the money it has. That's why the budget deficit this year changed from 470 billion to only 320 billion. Your Social Security taxes helped make up the difference.
In a related note, the national debt is about 8.6 trillion dollars. Most of it is IOUs to Social Security, Treasury Bills and Bonds, and other assorted ephemera. The US government is like a consumer with a massive debt, but worse. It was 5.6 trillion G.W. took over and it is now the number today. Oddly enough, it coincided with the tax cuts and refunds mentioned earlier. In March of this year, the ceiling was raised to 9 trillion and that will be reached very soon. Once 9 trillion is reached, it's either raise the ceiling or have government shut down. Don't you all feel better about your future and the future for unknown generations years later? I guess not.

To sum, what am I trying to say? Choose wisely and get informed. The best weapon is knowledge. Get involved and vote.


That's all for now.

Monday, October 09, 2006

Blow, Finger, and Squeeze

Greetings and welcome back to The Un-Zone, the only site on the Internet devoted to all things related to Un. It's time for an update to this site so I can tell you all about things that I find important right now. About the events that happen in my so called life. As if I had one to talk about. Anyways...

I like books. I've got piles of them. A large portion of them are law school textbooks, which I don't intend to read very closely any time soon. At least until I have insomnia and I want to knock myself out in less than five minutes...make that five seconds.
So when I hear there is a free book giveaway, I will go to the free book giveaway early and not the KU football game. Yes, it was Homecoming and it promised to be an entertaining game. But come on, I've seen enough KU football to know that the Jayhawks, to mangle a quote by Lincoln, can pull a defeat out the jaws of victory. Which they managed to do. Like their game against Toledo. Or...well...I could go on for a while.
Whiel going to the giveaway, I was listening to a Scottish music CD involving bagpipes. Yes, bagpipes. They're a much maligned instrument. People think they sound like dying sheep.
Ah, even the people responsible for the CD made fun of Scottish music. The first song had a funny intro:
"Five hundred years before Christ, a blue-faced Pict was walking along the Highlands when he stepped on a bloated sheep carcass. And thus, the bagpipes were first born."
And there was more Scottish humor involving bagpipes and bagpipe music. But the best one was the "A lassie has to admire a man who can blow, finger, and squeeze, all at the same time."
Which brings me to the following, a bagpipe song properly entitled "Blow, Finger, and Squeeze."

Blow, finger, and squeeze! Blow, finger, and squeeze!
Just remember these three steps
And you'll be playin' the pipes with ease.
All the pretty lassies listenin' to Highland music
Will be beggin' on their knees...
To have a chance to play with your pipes
Cause they'll want to learn how to blow, finger, and squeeze!


That's all for now.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Robbery Is an Honest Crime...

Greetings and welcome back to The Un-Zone, the only site on the Internet devoted to all things related to Un. It's time for an update to this site, as I will be not into the updating mood this weekend. Might as well get it over now.

Despite being not a fan of speaking in public, um, speaking in general, it seemed crazy of me to get involved with a class that requires a lot of speaking. As in arguing cases in front of actual judges for a grade. For a person with a severe lack of public confidence, taking this class is a major step up. This may seem odd, even paradoxical, considering how I write about doing stand-up comedy and saying strange stuff in law school classes. Actually, it's not.
During those times, I act my socially inept self and start saying things that are on my mind. I turn off the "socially correct" button and let loose because I particularly don't care what you think at those times. There is a very fine difference. In Trial Advocacy, you have to follow the "lawyerly correct" way of doing things. This mode does not consider sarcasm, deprication, and other Un-ways of humor or speaking as proper legal decorum. Unless you're outside of the court drinking heavily after a long day at work. Even then, there's somebody watching how you behave.
Anyways...I digress from the point of this post.
So, I did my Trial Ad small section. To add a little difficulty and to reflect the real world, the adjunct decided that, as witnesses, we would assume a personality. You know, the drunk dude, the crazy dude, the overly-talkative girl, and so forth. I got to be the hard-of-hearing man who can't hear anything at all and misinterprets words. That was fun, though I wanted to be the crazy-delusional guy. I think that acting like a crazy-delusional guy suits me very well. I guess I'm a natural at that. Acting, that is. Being crazy, that's a different story.
I guess I was having a lot of fun seeing people do strange stuff like pretend to be drunk, see imaginary people, and other funny things. This lack of legal decorum probably affected me in a negative way. It did.
During my direct examination, I am going very well. That is, until I ask my witness (the overly-talkative girl who likes to ramble) to describe and identify the person who shot a sheriff(but did not kill a deputy). This is where Stupid Mistake Number One rears in its ugly head.
This is, quite possibly, one of the worst mistakes any attorney can make, other than being totally unprepared for a trial.

STUPID MISTAKE NUMBER ONE
While asking said witness to ID the shooter, I inadvertantly turn around and point in the general area of the Defense table. Damn. Not good.

As if the thing can't get any worse, I go straight into Stupid Mistake Number Two during the Defense's Cross Examination. They decide to go to the Prior Conviction impeachment route, where you try to make the witness look liike an evil criminal who can't be believed. It's an easy route towards making the witness look bad. But I am prepared to counter such an attack. During the direct examination, I cover the bases by talking about the plea bargain. And I also know my Federal Rules of Evidence very well. The opposing counsel can't use it. It's considered improper impeachment. Consider this post a free legal education to impress your friends and laugh at legal shows like Law and Order, Boston Legal, Injustice, or any other shows of the same vein.

EXPLANATION OF LEGAL STUFF
Under the Federal Rules of Evidence, prior convictions can be used to impeach a witness with some qualifications. To get a prior conviction in, you must show that the crime was a felony and you must pass the Rule 403 Balancing Test on truthfulness. That is, you must show that the relevance to truthfulness of the crime outweight the prejudicial value.
A crime that is more probative of truthfulness would include crimes that involve deceit or lying as an element. Examples of such crimes are perjury, fraud, false statments, embezzlement, tax evasion, etc. Under most jurisdictions, burglary and robbery are not examples of such crimes. Deceit and lying are not elements of the crime, so it fails. Yup, robbery is not a crime involving lying or deceit. If you're a prosecutor, that sucks. If you're a defense attorney trying to show the witness is a damn liar, this sucks also cause most likely, it won't get in.

Wasn't that informative? Now you know. You can quit yawning right now. The funny stuff follows. This leads me into Stupid Mistake Number Two.

STUPID MISTAKE NUMBER TWO(The final one)
When you are arguing that it is improper impeachment, you should never do the following as I did. Conversation that follows in verbatim with some summarization done to make this sound good for me. Except for that last bit:
Me: "I object. Improper impeachment."
Judge: "Your legal reasoning?"
Me(confidently): "According to the Federal Rules of Evidence, in order to get that in for impeachment, it must pass a two pronged test. Since it is a felony, it must be withing ten years of the date of trial and it must pass the Rule 403 balancing test involving truthfulness. Because it is robbery, the felony is not a crime of truthfulness. It obviously fails this test."
Judge: "Response?"
Other Side basically said that it passes and that it is a crime involving truthfulness.
Judge: "Your answer?"
Me: "A crime of truthfulness is any crime that involves deceit or lying as an element. This would include crimes like fraud, perjury, and such. Robbery is not a crime that involves deceit or lying." (I'm doing well, so well, I'm getting cocky and I should have reined myself in at this point. Dumb mistake follows.) "With robbery, you steal money face up. It's one of the more honest crimes that doesn't involve deceit."
People laugh. Wait, I was having fun. Damn. I seriously did a SNAFU there. Maybe a TARFU.
IMPORTANT LESSON LEARNED FROM THIS
Remember, there are better ways of saying robbery is not a crime involving truthfulness than saying "It's one of the more honest crimes that doesn't involve deceit." It may make for an entertaining transcript quip, but in the real world, it is a pretty f-ing serious no-no. There is always the "Federal Rules don't define it as a crime involving truthfulness" or even better, cite a case or two that proves this point. Nice bells and whistles instead of the 100 megaton nuclear warhead that wipes your credibility clean away.

Well, things wen't very well after this. I got a pretty good grade, despite the pretty glaringly, moronically stupid mistakes I made. I'm an amateur at this, so it wasn't too bad. OK, it was bad, but not the worst thing I could have done.
I had a good laugh and I'm still laughing about it. This might go down into the Trial Ad history books. The people in my small section got a kick out of it. Oh well. There's next week to rehabilitate my image. As if I had a positive one to begin with...


That's all for now.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Pay Up or the Air Conditioning Gets It...

Greetings and welcome back to The Un-Zone, the only site on the Internet that I know of devoted to all things related to Un. I am going to attempt to type this as quickly as possible because the air conditioning might go out while I type this. Why should I be worried about this happening?. The AC went out yesterday.
You might note that it's October and there really is no need for air conditioning during this time of the year. After all, it is fall, and that generally means cooler temperatures. Yes, that would be right, but this is Kansas, and in this part of the world, Mother Nature, like Clark Gable in Gone With the Wind, doesn't give a damn.
It was 94 yesterday. Under any circumstances, that is hot. For October, it is beyond hot, but into the realm of ridiculous.
You would expect that the law school would do their best in maintaining the temperature inside the building at some comfortable constant. After all, comfortable students and faculty mean happy students and faculty. Happy people mean people who won't complain and ditch the law school. That means high quality. That means better rankings, right? Better rankings are good. Slippery slope, but it's pretty decent logic.
Constant temperature? It doesn't happen at all. Even when everything is working fine, it's not all the same in every room. Some rooms are consistently hot. Some rooms are always cold. Some rooms have multiple personalities and can't decide what temperature to be.
So, when the HVAC system went down yesterday, it was quite surprising to discover that the entire law school was hot when it was so nice earlier in the day. Then again, I was probably failing miserably in trying to fool myself. This has happened before, many times before. It seems like once a semester, something in the HVAC system breaks down. Last year, it went down twice. And it was down for a long time, making it awful inside. It was a hundred outside and near a hundred inside for most of the day. Not nice.
Not to sound critical, but you would expect the machinery to work a little bit better. I mean, if you have to fix it at least once a year, something is up. You probably should cut losses and buy some new equipment. It might be expensive right now, but it should pay for itself when you don't have to fix it every semester. Then again, I'm not running the University or the law school.
Not to sound cynical, but I think it's a subtle way of the University telling the students something. And a little dramatic interlude to illustrate:
University (while sobbing): "We don't have enough money to pay for these things. The State won't pay for it, so we will get it from the students who attend colleges and universities here in this state. It's a shame."
University puts on black mask and pulls out a pistol. Points pistol at air conditioner. "Pay up or the air conditioning gets it!"
That sounds about right.

That's all for now.

Monday, October 02, 2006

Random Thoughts Floating In My Head

Greetings and welcome back to The Un-Zone, the only known site on the Internet devoted to all things related to Un. It's time for a lovely and well-needed update to this site.

I really should remember that you should always greadually break in new running shoes. I had recently bought new running shoes since the old shoes were getting ratty (soles worn out). So I try several pairs on to see how well they fit and if they would cause any problems later. And I did some walking and jumbping in them just to make sure. I find a pair and I buy them.
Yesterday, I decided to seriously test them out by running faster and longer than I normally do. Which, if you don't know, is a seriously dumb mistake. I'm up around 6.5 to 7.0MPH and the problems begin. When I am done with my running, I notice that my right foot feels funny.
I'm thinking, "Must be a cramp or something. It will go away once I stretch and walk a bit."
Nope. So once I'm done exercising, I check my foot out and there is a nasty blister on my right foot. Not fun. The only good news is that it didn't burst. I'm now beginning to see why that first aid class I took was useful.

If you've ever seen Boston Legal, you'll know that one of the many unusual characters that populate the show has Asperger's Syndrome. It's characterized as a "condition marked by impaired social interactions and limited repetitive patterns of behavior. Motor milestones may be delayed and clumsiness is often observed." Which is interesting in itself as someone I know asked if I might have Asperger's. Go figure.
I'm not sure. Maybe I do given the list of symptoms:
Abnormal nonverbal communication, such as problems with eye contact, facial expressions, body postures, or gestures
Failure to develop peer relationships
Being singled out by other children as "weird" or "strange"
Lack of spontaneous seeking to share enjoyment, interests or achievements with others (a lack of showing, bringing, or pointing out objects of interest to other people)
Markedly impaired expression of pleasure in other people's happiness
Inability to return social or emotional feelings
Inflexibilty about specific routines or rituals
Repetitive finger flapping, twisting, or whole body movements
Unusually intense preoccupation with narrow areas of interest, such as obsession with train schedules, phone books, or collections of objects
Preoccupation with parts of whole objects
Repetitive behaviors, including repetitive self-injurious behavior

Do I have any of them? Actually, to be honest, several if not most of them. It might explain a lot about what's up with my head and the way I show a lack of interest in interacting with people. If you can consider what I do "interaction" with others. I kind of wonder why the hell am I in law school if that requires interacting with people and I show a certain dislike for such social interaction. Or I am not a naturally sociable person. Ah, the joys of the Internet in making a person doubt their mental condition.

The law school bathrooms smell bad. Really bad. Nauseously bad. They smell like an animal died in them and to add to the stench, someone decided to dump some raw sewage on top and let is sit for a week under the sun. The first floor bathroom is the prime offender to the nose. I'm not using the bathrooms in the law school due to the smell.

Time to go to International Trade Law. Maybe I can find some time to study for Federal Income Taxation as I have this bad feeling that I will be up very soon to solve some particularly evil tax problems.


That's all for now.