I've never been much of a fashionable or trendy guy. Though I find it funny that people pay money to keep their hair up permanently in a spiky style, whereas I pay money to keep it down. Technically, I have been stylish and trendy by doing nothing at all but succumbing to genetic makeup. And by being my non-trendy, not-fashion-conscious self, I have been fashionable several years later. I guess the "wearing clean clothes that don't make you look ugly" works and is quite timeless. Go and figure that one out.
Yes, I have become a fan of blogging and Facebook, though relatively late on the trendiness curve. That's OK. But one thing I am definitely not doing is jumping onto the "hip hop/rap" bandwagon. The one where people try to look cool and edgy by dressing up like hip-hop/rap artists and portray that they are living the gangsta' lifestyle. The ones who suffer from a serious melanin deficiency (think Vanilla Ice) and listen to Snoop Dogg and Jay-Z and other legit rappers to make up for a lack of street credibility.
You probably have seen some of them where you live, especially if you live in such hardcore gangster places like Johnson County. If I tilt my head correctly, I can hear some white guys in Olathe shouting the following phrases:
"What's up? I'm representin' the home turf 'casue I'm a OG from the OP down in Johnson County!"
OR
"We go loco in JoCo!"
OR
"Dude, THAT'S MY SONG!"
Sorry. Though I lack any street credibility, I think I know enough to know that white boy from Overland Park in Johnson County ain't an original gangster from the hood. Maybe he's representing the Country Club Plaza crowd at the strip mall hot spots, but he ain't no thug or soldier or pimp with a limp. Next time, try that little routine on someone from let's say, Cabrini Green or East Saint Louis or maybe one of the less-visited places in downtown Detroit. Ghosty Gangsta from the Shady Side of the tree won't last two seconds.
Which brings me to the main story. Ahem. I think you might recognize people in your own life who act this way...
MAIN STORY
I'm going to the gym to exercise when I see this white guy wearing a white shirt. The stereotypical wifebeater kind you get from Hanes in a three pack from WalMart. Classic. And he is bobbing and weaving his head like he's in a 15 round prize fight for no particular reason.
Maybe he's listening to some music. I've done that before, but not in the energetic fashion that this guy is doing it. I mean it's really energetic. Like his neck is a spring for a bobblehead doll.
Then it becomes worse. He does the spastic white boy breakdancing arm movements. You've probably seen them done before. The spastic arm roll. The "Wave Your Hands in the Air" and the classic Trustifarian Arm Pump. All while bobbing his head along erratically.
I'm not exactly sure what song this poor soul was listening to, but I'm sure that when he heard the song, the guy was screaming, "DUDE, THIS IS MY SONG!" And he probably pumped the volume up on the I-Pod or the radio and started to do said erratic dance movements that would get him laughed off the dance floor. Even in vanilla Johnson County. Or get his ass kicked if the tried to pull off those same moves in a Soul Train dancer audition.
But the best part, is while I'm making the left turn to go where I want to go, I take a look at the driver. He has a pained look on his face. Embarassed that his passenger is dancing like a fool and everyone is probably watching him do his sixty seconds of God-knows-what form of dancing. Comic gold.
If I only took some pictures to immortalize him on the Internet. Ah, I guess that is how things work sometimes in life.
So, remember these important life lessons:
1. Don't pretend to be cool by dressing like a hip-hop/rap artist because odds are, you look like a fool and people will laugh at you. Maybe not in your face, but they are laughing.
2. Learn how to dance hip-hop and get a sense of rhythm. It may fool the JoCo highschool crowd, but it ain't gonna pass the test in places where such forms of dancing is an art form.
3. If you suffer from "Vanillaiceitis" or the tragic disease of suffering from a melanin deficiency and trying to make up for such lack by trying to look like you're from the tough streets of Compton, get cured. This disease is easily spread and one person with it is enough.
4. Be yourself, even if it means being uncool. At least you are being yourself. God forbid you change and try to be something you're not. You'll probably fail in your efforts and they will laugh at you even harder. Spare yourself the indignity of this.
That's all for now.
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