Political Ads

Greetings and welcome back to The Un-Zone, the only site on the Internet for all things related to Un. It's time to get another update on this site. For it seems like I won't be able to come up with much time or any ideas very soon. Nothing like preparing for a Trial Ad mini-trial...oh the joys. That and getting pre-trial orders and jury instructions printed off..all 48 pages. Nothing like making triplicate copies. I digress.

You've probably seen all of those political ads on TV. It's probably the only ads you will see on the major networks. It's kind of pathetic that I am longing for ads for useless consumer products right now. Just for some sanity. I don't think I can stand another Missouri Senate or a Kansas AG ad right now. I actually cheered when the reception went bad during a campaign ad involving one of the candidates. Not sure who it was...all the ads are so alike.
If you believe what all the ads are saying, you can summarize the "important" races and the candidates invovles as follows...
For the Missouri Senate, you can either choose between:
A. A woman who says a bunch of hot air to get votes, but does little or nothing while marrying a corrupt nursing home owner and getting money from the nursing home cronies.
OR
B. A Bush-following robot who votes 94% of the time for Bush-supported measures, who is lining his pockets with money from Big Oil and the pharmaceutical companies, and is screwing the people of Missouri by cutting their Medicaid/Medicare support, votes against raising the federal minimum wage, all while giving himself 6 pay raises.
For the Kansas Attorney General:
A. Someone who would violate your privacy by looking into your medical records and who would be so desparate by using "bottom-feeding" ads that talk about unfounded allegations that are 15 years old and says this speaks highly of the questionability of his opponent.
OR
B. Someone who might be a sexual-harasser, someone who is not tough on crime, who would use scare-tactics to get votes, and who is, quite plainly, an all-around evil person that you should not trust to be attorney general.
Given choices between those two, in both races, I would choose "neither" and put in a write-in candidate, assuming that is actually possible. Well, if those were the only choices, and I had to choose one, it would be like looking at two dirty, nasty pairs of underwear and deciding which one was, theoretically, the cleanest. Yes, doesn't this speak highly of American-style democracy?

On a related (well, kind of related note), the fun you could theoretically have while watching such ads. You've probably seen or even actively played a drinking game of some sort. Basically, the premise of the drinking game is to take a certain number of sips (or cans of beer or shots or...) whenever an action is done. For example, if you were watching the show 24, a drinking game rule might be as follows:
"Any time that Jack Bauer survives an assassination attempt, drink one shot of tequila."
With the November midterm elections coming up, it seems like nearly every ad you see on TV is a political ad determined to get you to vote a certain way or to question how good the other candidate is. Afeter enough commercials of that nature, you probably want to have a drink or two or shoot your TV. Why not make this a bit more enjoyable by playing a drinking game? NOTE: this is not meant to advocate the consumption of alcohol in an unreasonable manner. If you do drink, do not operate anything at all.

THE RULES
ONE DRINK
1. If the candidate says "I approve this message"
2. If the candidate says "family values"
3. If the candidate says "amnesty for illegal immigrants"
4. If the background is black and the letters are white
5. If "terrorism," "9/11," or "freedom" is mentioned
TWO DRINKS
1. If the ad plays corny music that you wouldn't listen too, even when you're drunk and feeling nostagic because you know it's pure, unadulterated crap
2. If the candidate says their opponent will "cut and run" from Iraq
3. If the candidate says their opponent is wrong on the issues
4. If the candidate says their opponent voted for Bush-supported measures X% of the time
5. If "stem cell" is mentioned in any way during the ad
6. If "paid for by the Repulican Senate Committee" or "paid for by the Democratic Senate Committee" is printed in small print at the bottom and quickly spoken by a serious-sounding female voice
THREE DRINKS
1. If an ad says "to be continued" anywhere
2. If bad, grainy, unflattering pictures of the opponent that make them look like an evil monster or a criminal is used
3. If carefully edited statements from newspaper clippings are used making the opponent look bad are used (EX: "misleading," "exaggerates," "wrong," "using office for political gain")
4. If the ad mentions allegations of criminal activity by the opponent or people related to the opponent
5. If the ad mentions "child pornography" and "crimes against children"
6. If the ad mentions tax cuts or anything related to the economy
THE ENTIRE BOTTLE, 24-PACK, OR AN ENTIRE LIQUOR STORE
1. After seeing one ad
2. Any time you feel like before, during, or after the ad
ABSTAINING FROM DRINKING ALCOHOL FOREVER
1. Any time the ad doesn't mention anything negative about the opponent
2. Any time the ad doesn't misrepresent the facts in any way
3. Any time you have the slighest inkling in your mind that you would want to vote for either candidate
4. The ad talks about real issues that actually affect real people in a plain, rational, non-sensational manner

I think this is quite comprehensive, but feel free to change these rules and add in any changes you would like.

That's all for now.