As a satirist/humor writer/gadfly, I tell the truth that some people do not want to listen or recognize. In an earlier time, I would have caused trouble and ended up being branded a warlock or a heretic or considered treasonous. I'm the little boy who tells the emperor that he has no clothes and writes about it. As I said, it's pretty fun.
Then again, you know that you've hit an iffy topic. Like writing a satiric article about the ABA accreditation process and the newsletter being published the same week the ABA visits. That's something that you don't want to publish...at least until next month. Well, since I am a gadfly, I've decided to "publish" the article that would have come out in March had the ABA not decided to visit this month on this blog. It will (according to the Brief-Brief editors) come out officially in April. But who can wait that long?
Every seven years, the ABA sends a team to evaluate the law schools for the purpose of accreditation. This is important as without accreditation, a degree from that law school isn’t worth the paper it’s printed on. That means all that money you’ve spent ($319.25/$618.80 per credit hour) has been for nothing. Well, at least you got many opportunities to drink beer, so your time at law school wasn’t totally wasted. Unlike you after a TGIT at one of the many fine drinking establishments in Lawrence.
After evaluating the law school, this team talks to administration and sends their findings to the ABA Accreditation Committee. I’ve never seen a report made by them, but I’m sure I could come up with phrases that would be used. Like any document written by former law school graduates, it’s well-written legalese. As a public service, I’m offering this handy translation guide.
Every seven years, the ABA sends a team to evaluate the law schools for the purpose of accreditation. This is important as without accreditation, a degree from that law school isn’t worth the paper it’s printed on. That means all that money you’ve spent ($319.25/$618.80 per credit hour) has been for nothing. Well, at least you got many opportunities to drink beer, so your time at law school wasn’t totally wasted. Unlike you after a TGIT at one of the many fine drinking establishments in Lawrence.
After evaluating the law school, this team talks to administration and sends their findings to the ABA Accreditation Committee. I’ve never seen a report made by them, but I’m sure I could come up with phrases that would be used. Like any document written by former law school graduates, it’s well-written legalese. As a public service, I’m offering this handy translation guide.
The Easy Translation Guide
1. “This law school has (adjectives here) facilities.”
Translation: “The law school actually exists and is structurally sound. There is electricity, plumbing, and running water. Lots of books in library. Heating and cooling work…most of the times. Well, it worked while we were here. Actual conditions may vary.”2. “The atmosphere is conducive for learning.”
Translation #1: “The classrooms have chairs and flat, level surfaces suitable for writing notes or the place a laptop on without fear of it sliding off and breaking into a million little pieces.3. “Students are well prepared for classes.”
Translation #2: “Students have told us that rooms are generally freezing cold or sweltering hot. By some miracle, the rooms are at an acceptable temperature.”
Translation #3: “By learning, we mean playing computer games, surfing the web, and sending Instant Messages.”
Translation #4: “They are actually listening (we think) to the lecture because the wireless network is down.”
Translation #1: “By well prepared, we mean well prepared for classes in learning how to make fries for McDonalds as this school should lose its accreditation.”4. “Students actively participate in class.”
Translation #2: “Very few people were engaged in learning (see “The atmosphere is conducive for learning”, Translation #3). We think the administration and professors told the students to look good. Any time this behavior shows up, it’s a suspicious sign.”
Translation #3: “Students are not hungover from a weekend of drinking.”
Translation #4: “Since you are a low ranked school according to US News and World Reports, we had extremely low expectations of your school. You’ve somehow managed to exceed our expectation. Then again, they weren’t that high to begin with, so don’t pat yourself on the back too much.”
Translation #1: “The professor calls on people randomly and asks questions in the traditional Socratic Method.”5. “The school provides a wide variety of activities for its students.”
Translation #2: “They were awake due to large amounts of caffeine. I can’t manage to stay awake.”
Translation #3: See “The atmosphere is conducive for learning,” Translation #3.
Translation #4: See “Students are well prepared for classes”, Translation #2.
Translation #1: “A student can pad their résumé to look attractive for future employers, assuming future employers hire students from this school and the rankings don’t drop any lower.”6. “This site evaluation team recommends that
Translation #2: “Attend a club meeting and get free pizza! Free stuff is good.”
Translation #3: “There were numerous flyers posted informing students aboutTGIT at.”
Translation #4: “How in the world do students here learn the law in a proper manner to pass the bar exam?”
Translation: “It’s highly unlikely a school fails to receive accreditation unless they are repeat offenders in being a lousy school. Please resume operation of your lawyer processing plant until we meet again in seven years. Have a nice day.”
I hope the ABA doesn't see this one. That's all for now.
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