Comedian

Greetings and welcome to The Un-Zone, the site for all things related to Un. It's also the homepage for the growing number of The Cult of Un members. You all should join as there are no initiation fees or embarassing ceremonies. Plus it's a whole lot cheaper than therapy and without the guilt.
I'm off on one of those philosophical/rambling post-type moods, so you are all warned. This might be a real long one. As if my other posts were short in any fashion. Not that it really matters. I digress.

According to Voltaire, the noted French author of Candide, "God is a comedian who performs to an audience too afraid to laugh." I tend to agree, though my choice of analogy would be different. I think of God as a playwright directing an absurdist-existentialist comedy. We're all audience members and actors wondering why the plot makes no sense and if the instructions we're receiving are real or made up. Every so often, there's a moment of clarity when everything makes sense, but it's quickly consumed by the mass confusion.
I'm not sure where I belong in this crazy comedy called life. Am I one of those bit players who has a few brilliant lines and quickly fades away, or am I a passive audience member or am I a guy with a more important part but doesn't realize it? I can't even tell if this is a moment of confusion or clarity. Then again, this might all be an elaborate practical joke. I expect God to appear, showered in a blazing halo of light. When God finally shows up, God will act like Alan Funt and say "SMILE! YOU'RE ON CANDID CAMERA!" or whatever the equivalent is called in Heaven. Yeah. God would explain that this is all a giant mixup and I was supposed to be a handsome billionaire dating a supermodel. Either that, just like in the Book of Job, this was all a wager he made with Satan and I had proven God to be correct. "Hey, no tough feelings. Because you've done so well, you're getting big rewards."
Even under that situation, I get the feeling that there's something missing, like the even bigger and crueler punchline. You know. Just when I get the feeling that life will be a whole lot better, it gets taken away. "April Fools! Gotcha!" Not that God has that kind of humor, but you've got to wonder.
I've got a good memory and that is an understatement. I also have the particularly bad habit of dwelling on the past and well, it gets to be problematic sometimes. I also tend to be cynical. I also tend to get angry at things that really shouldn't bother me but do. Things also trigger things in my mind and I wander off and the situation gets so bad that I have to post my mental train of thought onto this blog that seemingly, for some reason or another, at the end, makes some sense. Or at least has some kind of underlying theme.
You would think having a good memory is a good thing. it is, but it gets to be a hinderance when you have a habit of being cynical and you dwell a lot and brood alot and you think as much as I do. Especially when you think about how the most unlikely people get together and you're wondering how is it that you're single. Just liek the following from Michael Buble's "Anyone to Love":

Seems like I'm living a lie
So there's a game I just won't learn
And I wonder will I always be alone
I take a sip and wonder
Why I haven't anyone to love

Yeah, I've figured out why. Only because I've thought about it and when I think about things, I'm usually right about such things. I can list them off, but I don't want to bore you, if I haven't already. I have this nagging feeling that even if I changed what I thought was hindering me (and I'm sure of what the problems are), it wouldn't make that much of a difference. Sore of like what Billy Joel sings in "A Minor Variation":

More of the same thing
Don't even hurt it's been part of the pattern
But still in all it's a small consulation
I just define it as a minor variation

Or in "That's How it Goes" sung by Michael Buble (a great crooner in the style of Sinatra):

But I don't know life will get better
I am sure they know,
Sooner or later it shows, I know
That's how it goes

I don't know. I'm just hoping that this path isn't leading me to a giant practical joke. If it is, I'm wondering what the punchline is. Hopefully, the laugh comes like this when I'm looking back at how pitiful things were and how much better they are now as in Buck Owen's "Save The Last Dance For Me":

And don't forget who's takin' you home
And in whose arms you're gonna be
Oh, darlin' save the last dance for me

I think I've done enough for today. That's all for now.