Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Finals Are Coming...
It's that time of the year again. A little more than one week before the semester is over and that means one thing...the dreaded law school finals. And I have a very, how does one say this politely, bad final schedule. I have a final on a Saturday (Business Associations II), two on Monday (Payment Systems and Land Transactions), and two on Tuesday--the next day (International Economic Law and Professional Responsibility). Having two finals on the same day should make for a real mind-screwing when they are on two totally unrelated topics. Nothing like four tests in two days. For some strange reason, I have a knack this semester for picking classes with atrocious scheduling. This should make for a very fun finals period. I should be thankful that I'll have lots of time to prepare for the onslaught. No prom dinners in the law school or any other noisy social event sprung upon unsuspecting students. Though one of the many variations of Murphy's Law might come into play. With the weather right now and how unpredictable (normal for Kansas) it's been, I wouldn't be surprised if something happened like a thunderstorm cutting off power during the middle of a final...
Then again, when I was an undergrad, I once suffered from the same situation, but the finals were a whole lot easier, unlike the hell that law school finals are. Law school finals, unlike finals as a normal college student, are a different breed of test. Those formerly and currently in law school should know what I am talking about. They make a person, after seeing the grade one received, curse the entire law school experience of "mandatory curves" and "grade distribution." It's no wonder that law school students and lawyers go into drinking and become "functioning alcoholics". I digress again.
Well, that' all I've got to say about finals, which, in the end, didn't amount to much. I think I might study for my finals. I think.
That's all for now.
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
The Noise at KU Law
I arrive at KU Law School really early, like around 7:20 AM, give or take a few minutes. For some reason, I am crazy (possibly dumb) enough to take classes that begin at 8:30 AM on most days of the week. But I make use of that time by reading newspapers, demolishing the New York Times and Wall Street Journal (on Fridays) crossword puzzles, and surfing the Internet when the library opens. It's quite nice as it's probably the only time when the law school is quiet.
Or so it has been until about two weeks ago. Let the griping begin...as there is always something here to annoy me at the law school. It used to be the lousy HVAC system that broke down and caused Green Hall to heat up to a preposterous temperature. It used to be the Internet service that went out every so often. The debacle called the Informal Commons renovation that still has a few bugs like the microwave oven that randomly sparks and sends out noxious smoke. And so it goes. Now it's the weird noises that start at exactly 7:30 AM.
Recently, I've noticed at 7:30 each morning for the past two weeks, there has been this really strange noise. It's a peculiar grinding/clanking sound. I'm not sure what it is, but it is really annoying and really loud.
It's most likely the pipes leading to the semi-functioning water fountains located by the first-floor elevator. Which reminds me of some other stuff that doesn't work at the law school and could be fixed. The water from the water fountains is of very questionable quality and color. It sometimes looks and tastes chalky (which happens at Wescoe often). Or it looks fine, but tastes rusty or metallic (don't drink the water at Lindley or Learned if you don't like metallic tasting water). I'm hoping there aren't any other reasons to question the water quality on campus...
I suspect that it most likely the water fountain for several logical reasons. One, they rarely work properly and two, the water fountains on the third floor make that same noise on certain occasions. Sometimes, I want to kick the water fountains just to stop the noise. Hey, if that doesn't work, it at least provides a conduit for letting out aggression.
That's all for now.
Monday, April 24, 2006
A Night at Baylor Law School Library...
I admit that I've made many comments about law school on this blog and in The Brief-Brief, but every so often, I find something that puts everything back into a more complementary perspective about everything. At least our interim Dean isn't like the law school dean over at Baylor University, home of a former men's basketball coach who was lying scum and tried to protray a murder victim as a drug dealer just to save his butt.
And what has inspired this temporary change of heart? At least the administration at KU Law School, despite being ranked #70 in the US News rankings, has the common sense not to schedule noisy events during finals period or to close down the law school libraty so his son could host a pre-prom dinner party. Yes, a prom party in a law school library. During finals period. I'm not sure why anyone would want to host anything in a law school library, but after seeing some pictures of their library, it is quite attractive and aesthetically pleasing site:

Of course, some of the parents involved in this effort thought that the law school students who complained were whiny and suggested that they could study somewhere else in the library. After all, according to their "logic", it was only temporary (four hours) and only "half" of the law school library was shut down. Brilliant logic, but NOISE travels.
“I study on the first floor of the library regularly . . . and I can hear clapping and a constant buzz through the earplugs I use,” Duesler said. “There is also a lot of traffic in and out, the high school kids and their parents.”After getting complaints from faculty and students and after the event occurred, the law school dean came to the shocking conclusion that it was an amazingly idiotic decision on his part. Not that studying for finals really matters, especially when it's your son who wants to use the building. A quote from an article describing this mess. Please note that the material in brackets was not part of the original article and were inserted by the blogger:
For his part, Toben, who was in Dallas for a dinner Saturday night, acknowledged the concerns of students and some faculty, and apologized for the decision...
“I have come to the conclusion that my judgment in this matter . . . was poor,” [as if that wasn't obvious when the suggestion was made] Toben said via cell phone. “I have discerned [um...common sense?] very clearly [after hearing complaints and getting this story in the newspaper] that some of my students and one or more of my colleagues are very upset about the use of this space, especially during exam time. They are right.”
“I am very sorry for this, and I apologize, and I understand that I have no doubt lost the confidence of many [obvious], and I will move forth accordingly [like give up the dean position],” the law school dean said.
Then again, this would never happen at the KU School of Law as the the library isn't that good looking...just like the other law schools around the nation built in the concrete-box style.
That's all for now.
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Office Supply Store in a Backpack
I've generally operated on the idea of "Be prepared," though I've never been a Boy Scout. With law school however, this idea has slowly degenerated into "Be prepared only if it's your day to answer questions in class." It's amazing how quickly this has happened, but I digress. I also have a tendency when it comes to maintaining a certain level of cleanliness, though it used to be almost OCD-ish when I was much younger, like before highschool, which seems like a while ago. I digress. It tends to happen a lot.
One day, during Land Transactions (where I seem to pull out brilliant answers out of nowhere), the Professor passed a handout which corrected one of the many errors rife in the supplement due to careless editing. What better way to keep organized by stapling this "correction sheet" to the page it belonged in the Supplement? So I pulled out a mini-stapler from my backpack and stapled it to the page. Nothing weird with that...right? I hand the stapler to the person sitting next to me and he looks at me funny. So I carry a stapler with me.
I've always carried a stapler with me during college as I wrote a bunch of papers for my classes and there was never a stapler around in the classroom when it was time to turn stuff in. I was an English and History major. So I began to carry a mini-stapler with me (along with a box of staples) so I would have one...just in case. You never know when a stapler will be handy, which it did. I got bonus points for being the staple-packing savior on a day when NOBODY stapled their ten-page reearch papers (except for me). I've gotten other things (much better than bonus points) because I've carried that stapler with me. That's another post. No pickup lines were involved.
Along the same lines, I carry several pencils with me (both mechanical and regular) because if I run out of mechanical pencil lead, I have something else to write with. I also carry a pencil-sharpener also (for obvious reasons). I also carry several pens because if the pencils don't work, I have something to write with. Whiteout? Check. Notebook paper? Check. Legal pad paper? Check. Graph paper? Check. Calculator? Highlighers? Protractor? Ruler? Eraser? USB Flash Memory? Floppy disk? Black's Law Dictionary, pocket sized? Newspapers? I've got it somewhere in my backpack. I possess a miniature office supply store in there.
I might not be prepared, but I might just be a packrat who has this stuff in my backpack as I am too lazy to take it out. There's a very good possibility that is true. But it does come in handy. If I need a stapler or a calculator or an extra pencil, I can be confident in knowing that I already have one in possession. You never know when you'll need something.
So if you ever are in Green Hall and you need a stapler and one isn't handy, you now know where to go.
That's all for now.
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Campus Scenery
The following may be considered one of the less politically correct posts on this website, as well as one that might offend those with more "liberated" tastes, as in the modern "everyone is beautiful" school of thought. You know, the "beauty is subjective" people.
To begin, the Onion used to have an article making fun of the phenomenom that occurs at college campuses when the weather gets warmer, as in spring and summer. Ah yes, that ritual of warm weather...the increased exposure of breasts and other body parts covered up during the winter. I told you, this article was going into such topics. It's not on the Onion website, but several blogs have preserved this article. It's a great article as it inflates language into preposterous sounding academic tripe:
“At schools in warmer climates, the vast quantities of breasts tend to take on a diminished significance, because of overexposure,” says Professor Hiram Milchan of the Hebraic Studies department of the Greater Miami Divinity School. “The campus populace tends to become jaded toward breasts, as they are nearly always visible even to a casual onlooker.”
Pointing out his office window at an impromptu dormyard game of bikini volleyball, Milchan adds, “This does not move me. The undulating,the bouncing, the firm upraised globes leaping skyward, then back downagain with a resounding bounce–all of this has become com monplace here in Florida.”
Milchan went on to explain that in northern climes, the ebb and flow of the seasons creates a corresponding ebb and flow of breast visibility. At the University of Wisconsin and other northern universities possessing lengthy winters and a left-leaning, socially liberal student body, the recent preponderance of breast displays has brought student traffic to near-gridlock, with heterosexual males and both closeted and out lesbians gawking at the near-unbelievable levels of mammarian visibility.
Which, at the University of Kansas, happens quite often during the spring and summer. Just look at the Free For All in the University Daily Kansan and you'll find one of two comments about this display.
This brings me to the point of this post. When an in general, quite pleasurable display, well, becomes eye-pollution and should be banned before other people cause accidents. Not because of stunning beauty but sheer ugliness. A fashion designer once said about the wrong people wearing miniskirts: "Never has so little been raised so much to show too much that should not be shown." You probably know where this is going to...
That said, while driving home, I stopped at a four-way stop on Naismith by Robinson and Allen Fieldhouse. The usual parade of females exhibiting their warm-weather "wardrobe" (if it can be called that) was crossing the street. Not too bad. Then along came a female with more rolls than a bakery wearing a halter top and I believe, short-shorts. Not a pretty sight. Certain people should not wear tight-fitting clothes or clothing that exposes large amounts of flesh. I know that it was eighty-something today, but that wasn't exactly the best thing for her to wear or for anyone to see. Nobody wants to see that. I'm not the most fashionable person, but I know what clothing I should wear as not to offend people with sights they do not want to particularly look at or cause people to want to shut their eyes and vomit.
At that moment, I kind of wished that the weather wasn't so warm. Either that or this person wore some more flattering clothing. Whoever came up with the maxim of "Don't judge a person by their cover" must have been deluding themself. They probably saw stuff they didn't want to see.
That's all for now.
Monday, April 17, 2006
Some days, I feel like I can't express what I am feeling without going off the deep end and making comments that place me into the zone of social awkwardness. The point of no return where you can't go back in time and take back what you said. The instandt conversation-killing stuff. Sort of like setting yourself on fire and letting everyone see yourself burn. Guilty on all charges. It's either that or mumbling out incoherent phrases that make me look like a total moron. Some days I just wish I could be brilliant and not so much a total fool.
And so, fragments from songs that best explain what I was going to say about myself wihtout the social awkwardness of me trying to explain it myself. Extra credit if you can figure out the name and artist.
Oh-oh, yes I’m the great pretender
Adrift in a world of my own
In the real world
There are things that we can’t change
And endings come to us
In ways that we can’t rearrange
Listened long, tried to take it in
All these facts leave me in the swim
It’s down and down there is no up
I think that I’ve run out of luck.
I hear them saying
Tomorrow’s just another day
I hear them saying
And it gets better every day
I hear them saying
Tomorrow’s just another day
Tomorrow’s just another... day
Oh I’m never speaking up again.
Starting now
One more thing.
Why is it my fault?
So maybe I try too hard
But it’s all because of this desire
I just wanna be liked, I just wanna be funny.
Looks like the jokes on me
So call me captain backfire
I’m never speaking up again it only hurts me.
I’d rather be a mystery than she desert me.
Oh I’m never speaking up again
Starting now
Out of the darkness, into the light
Leaving the scene of the crime
Either I’m wrong or I’m perfectly right every time
Sometimes I lie awake, night after night
Coming apart at the seams
Eager to please, ready to fight
Why do I go to extremes?
Darling I don’t know why I go to extremes
Too high or too low there ain’t no in-betweens
And if I stand or I fall
It’s all or nothing at all
Darling I don’t know why I go to extremes
That's all for now.
Thursday, April 13, 2006
Statcounter
It's been a very nice week of weather out in this part of the world, Lawrence, KS. Warm, sunny, a little windy, but wonderful weather to sit outside. Spending a lot of time inside the law school is not healthy or very fun. Yes, I could use the computers or read a newspaper or something like that, but sometimes, you just got to go outside for a few moments. At least my International Economic Law and Development professor recognized this scientifically recognized fact. We had class outside today. Very nice.
Anyways, if you haven't noticed already, I have a counter on the bottom of this webpage run by a marvelous webiste called StatCounter. It seems a little Orwellian, but it's pretty interesting to see who comes to this site and where they come from and how they got to this little piece of property on the Information Superhighway. I've looked at this information and well, some of it is pretty interesting...put in the most carefully crafted language possible.
Well, for instance, I've had visitors stumbling in from various countries like Malaysia, Bulgaria, the UK, Israel, Italy and Malta. Which isn't such a bad mix of people from around the world. Though I wonder why anyone from Bulgaria would want to come here. Not that I have top-secret information on this site...just the random ramblings of a KU Law student.
I can understand people coming to this site from other blogs like the Kansas Law Student or Tony's Kansas City. If you're coming from SBC Broadband or even the local university, that's understandable. But if you're from the Department of Health and Human Services and you're doing a search on how terrorists can exploit a hurricane, my blog necessarily isn't the best source of information. Try FAS or some other website. Please, it will be a much better way of keeping your job duty of keeping America safe.
I have to admit that some of the searches that led people here were a little strange. I guess the search engine algorithm works differently than I thought. Why the user chooses this site instead of something else, that's a different thing. The search terms they used, well, some of them defy description. A small listing of phrases that got people here:
"paperclip crossbow"
"its the media fault"
"terrorists exploit a hurricane"
"quinn snyder cocaine"
"act like a ninja day"
"hillmon humor"
"breaking into a million little pieces lyrics"
"towel folding funny story"
Apparently, someone from the University of Michigan is interested in finding out more about a certain person attending KU Law. This person's name shall go unidentified. His identity (not me) shall be kept secret and not posted on this blog. If you meet me, I might tell you some salient clues and have you guess from there. It shouldn't be too hard to guess who this person is, as they have a well-known trait/characteristic/habit.
That's all for now.
Monday, April 10, 2006
Another Update
I went to the public library on Saturday and got some(a very loose term) books during their book giveaway. Yes, I have no real social life per se and I like books a lot. But you probably don't want to read about this mundane stuff going on in my life. On to other stuff. Though I have to admit that some psychologists have a strange sense of humor. I would have never guessed that one can poke fun at vegetarians so well...
This is quite possibly, one of the more obvious stories coming from Louisiana. People are sending a lot of complaints to the the state board regulating contractors. Nearly 60,000 of them every month. Which reminds me of a joke involving contractors. Which I will not mention here, but the punchline involves their propensity to give nothing but estimates.
Something interesting for all those people who are interested in dialects and American English. Basically, those people who like knowing where people say certain things, like "What do you call a long sandwich containing cold cuts, lettuce, and so on?" I'm one of those people and well, here's a handy site that examines these questions and places results on maps.
And some research that shows that some people have too much time on their hands. Or a fascination with Kylie Minogue. I'm not sure what to make of it, but I think the scientist who came up with this had more than time on his hands. Only an Englishman would do research like this.
And yet more research that shows people have too much time on their hands. Something Easter-related in a morbid way. Scientists debating on how the Romans crucified people during Biblical times. It doesn't really matter how it was done, but who it got done to. No matter how it was done, it was a painful way to die.
That's all for now.
Monday, April 03, 2006
NCAA and Opening Day
It's the championship game for Men's March Madness and it's between UCLA and Florida. Both teams are very talented, but I'm thinking that UCLA will win a close one. By close, I mean three points or less. Yes, UCLA isn't the most offensive-minded team, but they have a very good defense. They shut down LSU's Big Baby. Then again, Florida's Noah, in my opinion, is a totally different animal. UCLA, I think, with their perimiter defense will push Florida's guards way past the three-point line and might force Florida to take a couple forced shots. What bothers me about UCLA is their propensity for turnovers. That might hurt them if the game gets into trading-shots mode.
I'm thinking the following score:
UCLA: 63
Florida: 61
The Royals begin their season with a game against Detroit. Interestingly enough, the big (and I mean big--$500 million dollars at stake) stadium improvement vote is coming up tomorrow. As much as I like watching Chiefs football and Royals baseball, I doubt that the new sliding roof will make Kansas City a "big league" city by any stretch of the imagination.
The only thing that is "big league" about the Royals is the number of losses they've had. It's like seeing a Kansas weather forecast in the middle of July. Several years of triple digits and we aren't talking about the win column. And the Chiefs aren't exactly "big league" either. Their defense is aggressive but it has more holes than a Dick Cheney hunting victim. They have great potential, but aren't exactly living up to it. They don't make it to the playoffs due to clutching defeat out of the jaws of victory.
The Chiefs were nearly 20 million over the salary cap and they still can't make it to the playoffs. Their defense still sucks, despite having a few moments of brilliance. The Royals won't spend serious money to get players with proven talent. When they do get great players like Johnny Damon, Jermaine Dye, and a list of others, they trade them off since someone doesn't want to pay more money. What happens? They play for teams that win World Series(Damon and the Red Sox, now with the Yankees) or teams that can legitimately compete in the postseason. The Royals, quite possibly, is the best place in the league to develop talent and sell it off for cut-rate prices.
If the Chiefs can pay that much for that much mediocre talent and the Royals have saves millions by selling off real talent, one would think that they would have enough money to chip in a little more for the stadiums. And the owners use scare tactics(if you don't pay up, we'll leave to a richer city) to drum up support for a roof that looks like a giant Pringles potato chip on wheels.
The incentives for this new rolling roof are what? KC might get to host the All-Star Game, a possible Super Bowl, and if the Sprint Center and the improvements are made, a possible Final Four in 2013. That's assuming the city sewers are still working by 2013, as it will cost nearly $1 billion to fix that little problem and that will most likely be another tax increase.
So, cheers to Kansas City, a place with ill-placed priorities. Heres to a city that is willing to shoulder over $600 million dollars for an upside-down punch bowl Sprint Arena and stadium improvements for two exceptionally mediocre teams that use scare tactics to drum up support for a sales tax. And a final hurrah for a city that considers sports more important than minor details like a working sewer system instead of the current one using pipes laid down in the US Civil War. Not that a functioning sewer syster really matters anyways. Who doesn't like ruptured pipes shooting out geysers of filthy water?
When Kansas City host these events (assuming they do), let's hope the event aren't marred by stories of ruptured pipes spewing out geysers of filthy waste water or even clean water for that matter. Then again, it would be fitting, as Kansas City is the self-proclaimed City of Fountains.
That's all for now.
Friday, March 31, 2006
Lucky Guess and Law School Rankings
In Land Transactions, I read the two cases he assigned, but failed to read the law journal excerpt that followed the cases. I distinctly remember the professor stating that we would be doing two cases in the textbook the day before. I was probably wrong. As you may guess, based upon that assumption, I didn't read the article. Well, imagine my surprise when he asked me a question about the law journal excerpt in the textbook. Some people in the class might find it hard to believe that I didn't read the article but came out with such a great answer to his questions. Rough approximation of conversation follows...
Professor: "Mr. Un, what is the chain of title theory."
Me: "If you can trace the chain of title back to the beginning, then it's presumed to be good title."
Professor: "That's correct. Now, Cross' article is very hard to understand and students have trouble understanding it. Now Mr. Un, can you give a one or two sentence summary about his article?"
Me: "Um...Cross' article states that the chain of title system is bad."
Professor: "Could you expand on that?"
Me: "A person could have possession of the land and have legal right to it, but lose because they didn't file..."
Professor: "That's exactly right. A brilliant summary of the article." (Goes on about the article.)
John (while professor is talking): "Did you even read that article?"
Me: "Um...no. I just saw the title and just made a common sense guess at the answer."
I couldn't have answered the questions he asked any better, even if I had read the article. I was pretty lucky today. At least I read the cases, which is more preparation that most law school students put into class.
US News and World Report have finally come out with their new rankings for universities and graduate schools. Apparently, the University of Kansas School of Law has risen up from its lowlier position last year of 100. Now it is in a seven way tie for 70th place along with such illustrious schools like the University of Oregon and the University of Denver. I've never heard of the University of Denver before this. At least it's better than last year when we were ranked with even more schools I've never heard of.
I still don't understand how in the world they figure out these rankings every year. The magazine gives their general methodology online on how they figure out this stuff, but I seriously doubt they rank law schools in this manner. In my opinion, I think they use a random number generator and produce lists in this fashion. It's the most viable hypothesis I can come up with.
For instance, two years ago, KU was ranked 63. It then suddenly changed to 100. This year, it's now 70. The administration at the School of Law blamed it on the formula and how it calculated the employment rate. Apparently, this accounted for the dramatic drop in the rankings. If you look at the formula the magazine uses, employment rate accounts for 18 percent of the total score. I seriously doubt that this is a viable reason. A change in that number, when everything else was the same or similar, caused a drop of nearly 40 places? I don't think so. This year, due to an increase in people finding jobs meant a jump of 30 places? I don't think so. That's a bunch of bull.
And now, Harvard University is now number 3, when it had the number one spot last year. What was the reason for that drop of two places? Bar passage rate? Highly unlikely. I seriously doubt any of those reasons caused the drop in the rankings. They only dropped down two places. If it were Kansas, it would be what, twenty? Harvard still has a magical reputation, a high employment rate, and disgustingly high GPAs and LSAT scores. They can afford to lose a little bit, whereas a school that's not Harvard-level loses big time.
My conclusion is that magazine rankings are a bunch of bull and the methods they use to calculate them have the same stench.
That's all for now.
Thursday, March 30, 2006
Random Websites
This first is a self-described site devoted to "stuff you'd never need to know but your life would be incomplete without." You get to learn about Aspirin, Q-Tips, a man who made things out of matchsticks, and why being a male honeybee is not a good thing (after you mate with the female, your genetalia explode). Just so you know.
This site is well...strange yet useful, if you ever wonder if that jar of peanut butter is "safe" to consume, despite it sitting in the fridge for several months. I do not vouch for the accuracy of this table, but it might prevent food poisoning of a most painful sort. It's a lot more accurate than the "is it growing fuzz" test that some might use. There's other weird stuff on this site also. Something about Discordianism...
A look at security guidelines from the National Security Agency. Enough said. There's some other interesting stuff on that site also.
Need some information about Urban Legends? Then check this site, which has information about lots of hoaxes and urban legends. Or you could go to Snopes.
That's all for now.
Friday, March 24, 2006
Friday Update
March Madness is coming closer to the end. I didn't expect Duke to lose to LSU, but other than for Bradley and George Mason (big surprises) making it as far as they have done, things are going as I thought they would. So I spend a lot of time watching college basketball. When it comes to students attending KU, it's quite common. I still think Connecticut will win, though UCLA is playing very well right now. My Final Four at this moment are Texas, UCLA, UConn and Villanova. I probably will be wrong. Just what I am thinking right now.
The College Board still can't get it done right again. I guess "SAT" stands for Sucking (at) Administrating Tests. Yes, the acronym isn't totally correct, but it will work for now. I guess the high school seniors who took it in October will have to go through the nightmare again. What fun it must be to be an admissions officer at a colege right now...or the company responsible for grading the SATs. How hard is it to grade Scantron tests?
According to the current Bush administration, there is no conclusive evidence that global warming exists. But there is quite a bit of evidence to show that global warming it does exist and humans aren't helping. Like the "magically" disappearing glaciers. Of course, glaciers go through cycles, but this is a little too much. I guess Glacier National Park will have to be renamed one of these days...
The DMV gives you a little booklet that tells the rules of the road. Like what a certain sign means and how to make turns. Apparently, people are so confused when making left turns, the Department of Transportation is considering new guidelines on making this process easier to understand. I'm not sure how it can be made any easier. Let the confusion begin...
Obvious news. Playing your music so loud that other people can hear it is an annoying thing when at work. It's even worse if you sing the song out loud. Other obvious things mentioned in the article:
1. It makes for a bad office environment
2. It might be a safety hazard, especially if one works in a factory with dangerous machinery like forklifts
3. It's distracting to others
Lawyers behaving badly in Australia and here in the United States. One is a plagiarizing magistrate and the other was indicted on charges of bankruptcy fraud, child pornography, and obstruction of justice.
That's all for now.
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
It's the Media's Fault
President George W. Bush now blames the media for the low poll numbers supporting the War in Iraq That Supposedly was a Mission Accomplished but for Some Reason is Still Going On, but Technically Isn't a Military Conflict Despite Soldiers and Civilians Getting Shot At or Blown Up or Etc. Apparently, because the media focuses too much on the violence that is going on over there, and not enough on the progress like schools being rebuilt and other improvements made. Great logic. The media is to blame for the low poll numbers. If it weren't for the pesky media, Iraq would be a much better place and everybody would support me in everything I do. It's obvious liberal bias. What the...?
So, when the media states a fact like 2,318 (at the last count) American soldiers have died and nearly 20,000 were wounded and the government does less for them when they come back home (due to budget cuts), the Pentagon has messed up on giving them armored vehicles and body armor, and the US gets caught torturing (not according to the administration) Iraqis at Abu Graib, it's the media's liberal bias? When a soldier gets injured by a roadside IED, it's the media's fault that gets broadcasted? OK...let's flip coins here.
If the media only reported things like schools were being built and didn't point out US casualties, what would G.W. Bush say? That there is a conservative bias in the media? Um...no. He would praise the media for their even-handedness and their obvious care for reporting the facts (Something G.W's administration can't handle or find like WMDs).
Let's be "fair and even-handed" with sharing the blame (This is meant to be sarcastic.) If it weren't for those pesky terrorists, there would be no IEDs. If it weren't for those Iraqi citizens who just can't dodge bullets and shrapnel and who can't select a place that's safe from car bombs, there would be no civilian casualties. Hey, if it weren't for those US soliders who can't magically detect bombs and who can't deflect flying metal, there would be no military casualties. No casualties, no stories about the quagmire in Iraq that's turning into a civil war between Shiites and Sunnis. There is absolutely no blame to be placed on the Bush administration, as President G.W. Bush, in his own words, does not make mistakes.
The last time I checked, only God is perfect and therefore, does not make mistakes and G.W ain't God. Though he pretends to be in his consistent state of arrogant hubris and vanity that pathetically covers up his ignorance and inability to face the truth, despite it not going the way he wants it to be. Arrogant pride and vanity, aren't qualities in a born-again Christian or a Christian of any sort. Then again, I might be reading the Bible wrongly or I got the incorrect version.
How is the media supposed to sound fair and even-handed? Just fail to mention the pesky little details like US casualties? Ignore the truth? Pretend it didn't happen and cover it up just like Abu Graib (though according to the administration definition, it isn't torture unless the pain level approaches that of organ failure or death. Then again, dead people don't feel anything. If an American suffers the same as those in Abu Graib, it's called torture and barbaric behavior. If it happens to an "enemy combatant," then it's not. How do you explain the difference? Just change the definitions)? I can imagine the news...
"Today in Iraq, a new elementary school was opened in Karbala. Please ignore the following, as it may cause you to think poorly of the administration. In other news, a car bomb killed 33 children who were attending the opening ceremony of that school."OR
"The new power station in Baghdad is functioning at 100 percent today. The citizens of Baghdad are now able to use the electricity without six-hour blackouts for the first time sinceIt ain't the media that's causing Americans to doubt the Iraq War. It's what the administration is doing that's causing the problems. Even if the media didn't broadcast casualties, people, both US and Iraqi are still dying in Iraq. You can't stop that from happening. Unlike the plastic soldiers that you and Rumsfeld play with (and probably played with to plan this mess), real people die and don't come back to fight again.
the beginning of the war. If you would like to know more about any US military casualties, the media is unable to broadcast this news as it is undermines the US military policy in Iraq."
That's all for now.
Sunday, March 19, 2006
Spring Break Update
It's March Madness...and there are quite a few irate KU men's basketball fans. The Jayhawks got knocked out in the first round to Bradley, a team from the Missouri Valley conference. I know the team is young, but come on...first round...again? To a team beginning with a "B" again, I might add. I hope this doesn't become a reoccuring pattern next year. And another thing, the KU band should not play Fall Out Boy's "We're Going Down". I know the song is catchy and all, but they lyrics are describing the basketball team's NCCA tournament: "We're going down, down in an earlier round/Sugar we're going down swinging..." It might become the official Choke Song of KU Men's Basketball. I'm sure that next year, the NCAA selection committee will put KU as a 5 seed playing some team beginning with a B like Belmont or Ball State. The only good thing I can think of (and it is sarcastic, mind you) is that going out in the first round means that it eliminated the chance of losing to Bucknell again (who is still in the tournament). Go figure.
I wrote a question to my Professional Responsibility professor (required for the participation grade). It somehow managed to get turned into the question posted up by my professor as the discussion question on the PR forum. I apologize for submitting this question as it is a real mind-twister. I should have sent in a much easier one, but then again, I have a habit of asking the tough questions...
The weather in Kansas is messed up. It's supposed to snow quite a bit on Monday and Tuesday. Enough for the weather service to issue a Winter Weather advisory. It's officially spring on Monday. Last week it was a freaking microburst and this week it's going to be snow. Two weeks from now, who knows what will pop up next? I'm guessing a momentous deluge of near-Biblical proportions. Either that or a heatwave...
Oh, the ABA will be coming to school. Accreditation check. We'll get accreditation...barring some mishap of immense magnitude. I'll keep the blinds down and neatly dusted, keep the furniture in the same spot, do a litter-watch, and...list goes on. Or I could just show up to class, pay attention, and ask pertinent questions. Not as if that mattered with the ABA Accreditation people...It's common sense, you know.
That's all for now.
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Early Publication
As a satirist/humor writer/gadfly, I tell the truth that some people do not want to listen or recognize. In an earlier time, I would have caused trouble and ended up being branded a warlock or a heretic or considered treasonous. I'm the little boy who tells the emperor that he has no clothes and writes about it. As I said, it's pretty fun.
Then again, you know that you've hit an iffy topic. Like writing a satiric article about the ABA accreditation process and the newsletter being published the same week the ABA visits. That's something that you don't want to publish...at least until next month. Well, since I am a gadfly, I've decided to "publish" the article that would have come out in March had the ABA not decided to visit this month on this blog. It will (according to the Brief-Brief editors) come out officially in April. But who can wait that long?
Every seven years, the ABA sends a team to evaluate the law schools for the purpose of accreditation. This is important as without accreditation, a degree from that law school isn’t worth the paper it’s printed on. That means all that money you’ve spent ($319.25/$618.80 per credit hour) has been for nothing. Well, at least you got many opportunities to drink beer, so your time at law school wasn’t totally wasted. Unlike you after a TGIT at one of the many fine drinking establishments in Lawrence.
After evaluating the law school, this team talks to administration and sends their findings to the ABA Accreditation Committee. I’ve never seen a report made by them, but I’m sure I could come up with phrases that would be used. Like any document written by former law school graduates, it’s well-written legalese. As a public service, I’m offering this handy translation guide.
Every seven years, the ABA sends a team to evaluate the law schools for the purpose of accreditation. This is important as without accreditation, a degree from that law school isn’t worth the paper it’s printed on. That means all that money you’ve spent ($319.25/$618.80 per credit hour) has been for nothing. Well, at least you got many opportunities to drink beer, so your time at law school wasn’t totally wasted. Unlike you after a TGIT at one of the many fine drinking establishments in Lawrence.
After evaluating the law school, this team talks to administration and sends their findings to the ABA Accreditation Committee. I’ve never seen a report made by them, but I’m sure I could come up with phrases that would be used. Like any document written by former law school graduates, it’s well-written legalese. As a public service, I’m offering this handy translation guide.
1. “This law school has (adjectives here) facilities.”
Translation: “The law school actually exists and is structurally sound. There is electricity, plumbing, and running water. Lots of books in library. Heating and cooling work…most of the times. Well, it worked while we were here. Actual conditions may vary.”2. “The atmosphere is conducive for learning.”
Translation #1: “The classrooms have chairs and flat, level surfaces suitable for writing notes or the place a laptop on without fear of it sliding off and breaking into a million little pieces.3. “Students are well prepared for classes.”
Translation #2: “Students have told us that rooms are generally freezing cold or sweltering hot. By some miracle, the rooms are at an acceptable temperature.”
Translation #3: “By learning, we mean playing computer games, surfing the web, and sending Instant Messages.”
Translation #4: “They are actually listening (we think) to the lecture because the wireless network is down.”
Translation #1: “By well prepared, we mean well prepared for classes in learning how to make fries for McDonalds as this school should lose its accreditation.”4. “Students actively participate in class.”
Translation #2: “Very few people were engaged in learning (see “The atmosphere is conducive for learning”, Translation #3). We think the administration and professors told the students to look good. Any time this behavior shows up, it’s a suspicious sign.”
Translation #3: “Students are not hungover from a weekend of drinking.”
Translation #4: “Since you are a low ranked school according to US News and World Reports, we had extremely low expectations of your school. You’ve somehow managed to exceed our expectation. Then again, they weren’t that high to begin with, so don’t pat yourself on the back too much.”
Translation #1: “The professor calls on people randomly and asks questions in the traditional Socratic Method.”5. “The school provides a wide variety of activities for its students.”
Translation #2: “They were awake due to large amounts of caffeine. I can’t manage to stay awake.”
Translation #3: See “The atmosphere is conducive for learning,” Translation #3.
Translation #4: See “Students are well prepared for classes”, Translation #2.
Translation #1: “A student can pad their résumé to look attractive for future employers, assuming future employers hire students from this school and the rankings don’t drop any lower.”6. “This site evaluation team recommends that
Translation #2: “Attend a club meeting and get free pizza! Free stuff is good.”
Translation #3: “There were numerous flyers posted informing students aboutTGIT at.”
Translation #4: “How in the world do students here learn the law in a proper manner to pass the bar exam?”
Translation: “It’s highly unlikely a school fails to receive accreditation unless they are repeat offenders in being a lousy school. Please resume operation of your lawyer processing plant until we meet again in seven years. Have a nice day.”
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
In the News...
Badly-written movies or novels have predictable plots. One of the plot devices involves discovering that the main character has an "evil" twin brother who is doing all of the bad acts like robbery or murder. In today's New York Times, the story notes that the ex-aide to President G.W. Bush, Claude A. Allen, has a twin brother. Interestingly enough, this twin brother named Floyd had a history of "running into bad times."
Mr. Allen denies all charges saying it "was a mix-up concerning his credit card." Um...I don't know. You get caught trying to fraudulently return stuff you didn't bought and it's now a mix-up? I guess that when you're around G.W. Bush, Carl Rove, and Dick Cheney, you kind of forget about being the "straight and narrow" guy. Talk about bad influences...
I've been a Sci-Fi fan. I enjoyed the original trilogy of Star Wars. The prequels, however, left something to be desired...like using the Death Star to destroy Skywalker Ranch for ruining the Star Wars series. Jar Jar Binks. Enough said. Now they're going to extend the travesty by making a TV show. I hope they freeze this dud like Solo in carbonite.
It took the death of Milosovich for the UN to realize that war criminals might die and that Khmer Rouge leaders responsible for the death of nearly 1.7 million Cambodians might die also. Twenty eight years after the fact. To quote from the Reuters article:
"We all know that the possible accused all are aging, so we really have to start the process as soon as we can," Michelle Lee, the U.N.'s deputy director of the court administration preparing the trials.Considering how fast the UN operates, the critics might be right. They people responsible will die free men without ever having to face a judge. Oh, and what about Darfur, Uzbekistan, and many other places? Of course, I don't advocate hasty action, but you've got to think that 28 years is way too long.
No date has been set for the trials of the surviving leaders of the Khmer Rouge under whose rule an estimated 1.7 million people were killed or died of forced labor, starvation or disease between 1975 and the end of 1978.
But Halen Jarvis, the tribunal's Australian spokeswoman, said at a ceremony for the signing of an agreement on the logistics of the trials that everyone involved wanted them to start soon.
"Not only for the possible accused, but also the victims and Cambodians who are waiting for justice, everybody needs to move forward quickly," Jarvis said.
"And of course this concern is heightened by the death of Slobodan Milosevic over the weekend," she said.
With all of the emphasis on the war against terror, the United States government is focusing efforts on keeping America safe. By catching Vietnam War draft dodgers who went to Canada. Isn't that a good way to spend money? Prosecute people who dodged the draft over thirty years ago. I guess the war on terrorism has been won...
On a related note to the war on terrorism, the Moussaoui sentencing trial has been put on hold. Not because the defendant performed one of his outbursts, but because a government lawyer had improperly coached witnesses. Not that the government would purposely violate court order, a restriction commonly used in death penalty sentencing cases.
The government lawyer, Ms. Martin, e-mailed FAA witnesses because the prosecution created "a credibility gap that the defense can drive a truck through." Make sure you that hammer the fact that the carriers could have prevented all short-bladed knives from going through. Assert that the FAA "did not necessarily need to wait until we got all available information, that we acted independently, indeed we thought that we had a statutory mandate" because the defense will try to make the FAA look clueless. Oh yeah, and don't admit that the government knew of Al Qaeda plans to fly planes into buildings, despite evidence to the contrary. Here are some ways to skirt the truth...You mean that I can't do that? Oops. Sorry. My bad. I shouldn't have done that. Besides, we admitted we made a mistake and this is the second time we messed up. No harm, no foul, right? Just let the defense do a tougher cross-examination and everything will be all right...
It's too bad that they four of the seven were going to be used as WITNESSES FOR THE DEFENSE. Even the prosecution's argument is full of holes that a defense lawyer could drive a truck through, to use the government lawyer's words. The government's basic argument is as follows:
"If Mr. Moussaoui would have told us the truth about his involvment in 9/11, we would have done more to protect the airports and this tragedy could have been prevented."
OK. Let's look at the facts. The FBI and CIA were monitoring the hijackers several years before 9/11 ever occured. They had the transcripts in Arabic with the Al Qaeda members talking about this plot. The CIA and FBI just so happened to downsize the number of Arabic linguists and told the ones that remained to slack off, only because the department heads wanted more money. Basically, if the department looked like it was being overworked, the department could justify getting more money later. The entire intelligence community, put simply, messed up.
Even if they did have more latitude in intercepting phone calls, the government didn't have enough translators. If they had more information about the plot, there's a good enough possibility that the government wouldn't have stopped the plot. That's looking at the government's argument at face value. Objectively. Which, I might add, is how the President wants justices to look at the Constitution. Literally. Too many "what if's" infest the chain of logic. Too many "would have" and "could have" in the chain. Using the same chain of logic, if the CIA and FBI would have done better in processing, sharing, and using information about Al Qaeda plots, the government would have focused their priorities better and would have done more to protect the airports and this tragedy could have been prevented. Same conclusion as with Moussaoui, but with the government being involved in the chain. Two differences. The American government wasn't actively a part of Al Qaeda (though we did give money to the mujahadden that became the Taliban) and nobody is going to put government officials on trial for criminal charges...
Not that I'm saying Moussaoui doesn't deserve to go away as a free person. He deserves to go to jail for what he's done. But I am saying when it comes to the government, they're doing a good job at messing up and I wouldn't trust them when it comes to protection. Think about Hurrican Katrina and "we didn't know about the situation and if we did, we would have done better." Or any of the other messes. You can't trust the government when it comes to these things. Their record isn't that great.
That's all for now.
Sunday, March 12, 2006
March Madness
The weather in this part of the world has been interesting to say the least. Nothing like seeing a grill roll across a yard, a fence fall down, leaves flying everywhere, and shingles getting ripped off of houses. And all of this at 8:05 AM on a Sunday. Not that I was surprised by this, as I was already awake at 6:00 AM.
One would expect when this sort of weather strikes, the meteorologists would adopt a serious tone while on the air. The meteorologist on KMBC Channel 9 brought a few laughs (from me) and most likely, a few complaints while taking about this weather situation. She was smiling while saying things like "70 miles per hour gusts and large hail." It's kind of like seeing a national news broadcaster laughing while talking about a serious topic like a war going on. Then again, meteorologists tend to overdo things. Ted Textor of KCTV Channel 5 makes a severe thunderstorm sound like the end of the world and Gary Lezac of Channel 41 tends to OVER-EM-PHA-SIZE AND EX-AG-GER-ATE when talking about the weather. When it's the summer, he enjoys using phrases like "It's HOT, HOT, HOT" or "DID IT HIT A HUN-DRED? FIND OUT WHEN I DO THE WEA-THER!" That gets annoying. Real quickly.
Anyways, the Kansas Jayhawks won. They didn't suffer from the traditional problems that they normally do. The ball handling was pretty good, with some miscues. Their 3-point shooting was better than normal(it saved them a few times). The free-throw shooting, which tends to be a problem every year (2003 Championship game for example, 12 out of 30) was much improved this time. The defense was very good, with a few mistakes here and there. Shot selections was good. The team also didn't give up the lead, which happened earlier in the season. I was on of those people who wondered what Coach Bill Self was thinking, but it worked in the end. I did notice some problems, but all-in-all, the Jayhawks did a very good job with a team full of youngsters.
The team will be an X-factor in the Big Dance this year. The seed they got, #4, isn't that bad considering the year they had. If they play well, with all the cylinders going at full steam, they could make it deep into the tournament. Possible Final Four if the chips fall right. If they play poorly and make a bunch of mistakes, which they are prone to do, it could be an early exit. KU has a lot of talent, but sometimes, it shuts off and things go south quickly.
Rock Chalk Jayhawk KU!
Time to go. That's all for now.
Friday, March 10, 2006
Websites
Green Hall can feel like a jungle sometimes, and it's not related to the tactics that students use to get a high GPA. I'm talking about the temperature. Some classrooms during the warm months can feel like a jungle. It gets crazy sometimes. Like it being 85 degrees outside and it being 85 degrees inside. Well, it could be worse. Scientists at Sandia National Laboratories managed to produce gases with a temperature of nearly 3.6 billion degrees. Then again, if you paid this much every year, you would expect the HVAC system to work a little more consistently.
And something a little more creative. Really cool sidewalk art. Though I have to admit that some pictures do not show up sometimes for some reason.
Easter Island, home of the stone heads, might have been settled later than thought. This implies that the settlers messed up the place in a shorter amount of time according to this article. Not that we can learn anything useful from this...
The comic strip Dilbert pokes fun of corporate America and the ubiquitous feature found in nearly every office building, the cubicle. The inventor of the original cubicle, designed something more functional and much better looking than the current design. He now regrets it. You can thank Steelcase, Knoll, and Haworth for turning the cubicle, a smartly designed office space into the edifices they are today.
Wow, as a person living in the state of Kansas, a state that keeps changing its science standard every time there is a State School Board election, South Carolina doesn't bow down to the Intelligent Design or Creationist forces. It kept its science standards (promoting evolution) the same. If only Kansas would learn this lesson.
That's all for now.
Thursday, March 09, 2006
ABA Accreditation and Facebook
(Somebody's watching me)
And I have no privacy
Whooooa-oh-oh
(I always feel like)
(Somebody's watching me)
Tell me, is it just a dream"
-"Somebody's Watching Me", Michael Jackson with Rockwell Gordy
Greetings and welcome back to The Un-Zone, the semi-regularly updated site for all things related to Un. Well, at least stuff that I find particularly interesting when I semi-regularly update this site.
Spring Break is a little more than a week away and everyone at the law school is wanting to get away from the casebooks for one glorious week. I'm sure that a large number of students will be consuming large amounts of alcohol in warm, sunny places like Mexico. Others will be spending their time sitting in front of the television and watching the college basketball spectacle called March Madness. I will try to enjoy Spring Break as much as possible.
After Spring Break, it will be time to return back to the semi-real world, as law school, at some times, seems a little too bizarre to be considered real. It's like a little stain in the space-time fabric that doesn't seem to go away after repeated washings with Chlorox and Tide and OxyClean. It also means that the ABA will be visiting KU Law to evaluate whether or not the school will receive accreditation.
For those who do not know much about law school accreditation, the American Bar Association(ABA) has a website that explains the process. Basically, the ABA sends a site inspection team. This team visits the law school, looks at the facilities, sits in classes, and makes sure that certain ABA standards are met. Just the normal stuff that would be important in having a decent law school. It's a once-every-seven-years thing that the ABA does. It's extremely rare for a law school to lose accreditation, and even then, there is a gradation. One gets put on probation and if enough changes aren't made, then the school loses it.
In order to prepare for the ABA people, the administration and professors have politely asked students to be extra-prepared for classes and to pay attention. This means trying NOT TO DO certain activities. The following is an including, but not limited to "try not to do this while the ABA is here" list:
1. Sending Instant Messages
2. Writing e-mail
3. Playing computer games like Solitaire
4. Surfing online
5. Taking naps or sleeping
It looks bad if students actively engage in such activities and the ABA site committee notices them. It might mean the difference between getting accreditation or not getting accreditation. Even if the school gains accreditation, it looks bad.
I don't take a laptop to law school as I try to limit the number of distracting activities while in class at the law school, so I am not involved in these temptations. Yes, I have found that sometimes, classes can be tedious, but I trudge on and keep focused. I don't think that wireless Internet access should be turned off or limited to certain areas in the law school. Hey, if you want to use the Internet while in class, that's fine with me. It's your life and you paid to come here. If that's how you want to spend your tuition money, that's perfectly cool.
The law school has gotten heat from prospective students who claim that they were turned off from KU Law since they sat in a class and saw that students were online. This activity happens in many other law schools with wireless Internet access. I know some people at other law schools and they send e-mail and surf the web while in class. Even at the prestigous schools like Harvard Law School.
Of course, some students will find it hard to resist the temptation, especially when they're in a lecture that is steaming down the tracks to Boredom Station. They might want to go online and visit Facebook or MySpace or any other amusing site. Which brings me to this Shakespearean parody I wrote for my online novel. It's part of a chapter devoted to the Facebook phenomenom that has taken over colleges. It can be extended to the basic question of whether to go online while the ABA site team is at KU:
To Facebook or not to Facebook, that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in law school to suffer
The drones and prating of terrible lectures,
Or to log on Facebook against a sea of boredom
And by web surfing end them. To nod, to sleep--
No more--and by a sleep to say we end
The headaches and the thousand sleepy yawns
That flesh is heir to. 'Tis a caffinated
Beverage to be drunk. To nod, to sleep;
To sleep, perchance to dream. Ay, there's the rub...
And that's a question that many at KU Law will face. No matter what the students at KU Law do, the ABA site evaluation team is watching.
That's all for now.
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Judicial Smackdown
In law school, you read a whole bunch of cases in really big casebooks. One could build an effective exercise program by utilizing casebooks. They probably weigh five or ten pounds each so one could get an effective workout. Most of them are pretty dull, except for the ones written by judges who let loose standards of decorum taught in most Lawyering classes. The "fair and objective" standard of writing that tries to avoid sounding too confrontational or overbearing. This is an area that I tend to have problems with, as I tend to stray towards the "objectionable" side of legal writing. I always want to insert in snide comments. Which makes my only outlet the Brief-Brief at this moment. Or this blog.
I recently stumbled onto some cases that read like Simon Cowell of American Idol fame wrote them. One justice in particular, Judge Samuel Kent of the US District Court writes some real zingers. For instance, in Labor Force, Inc. v. Jacintoport Corp., 144 F. Supp. 2d 740 (D. Tex. 2001), he writes:
His opinion in Bradshaw v. Unity Marine, Corp., 147 F. Supp. 2d 668 (D. Tex. 2001) is loaded with scathing quotes that make both lawyers look like total fools:"A]ny person with even a correspondence-course level understanding of federal practice and procedure would recognize that Defendant's Motion is patently insipid, ludicrous and utterly unequivocally without any merit whatsoever. Worse, it is just plain blatantly wrong in light of the unambiguous language of a decades old federal statute and veritable mountains of case law
addressing venue propriety."
Here is his view of the Defendant's Motion:"Both attorneys have obviously entered into a secret pact--complete with hats, handshakes, and cryptic words--to draft their pleadings entirely in crayon on the back sides of gray-stained paper place mats, in the hope that the Court would be so charmed by their child-like efforts that their utter dearth of legal authorities in their briefings would go unnoticed. Whatever actually occurred, the Court is now faced with the daunting task of deciphering their submissions. With Big Chief tablet readied, thick black pencil in hand, and a devil-may-care laugh in the face of death, life on the razor's edge sense of exhilaration, the court begins."
He lambasts the Plaintiff's counsel with equal vigor. Apparently, the counsel did a lousy job of doing proper legal research:"Defendant begins the descent into Alice's Wonderland by submitting a Motion that relies upon only one legal authority…. Defendant, however, does not cite to Erie, but to a mere successor case, and further fails to even begin to analyze why the Court should approach the shores of Erie…. A more bumbling approach is difficult to conceive--but wait folks, There's more!"
"Naturally, Plaintiff also neglects to provide any analysis whatsoever of why his claim versus Defendant Phillips is a maritime action. Instead, Plaintiff 'cites' to a single case from the Fourth Circuit. Plaintiff's citation, however, points to a nonexistent Volume '1886' of the Federal Reporter
Third Edition and neglects to provide a pinpoint citation for what, after being located, turned out to be a forty-page decision…. The court cannot even begin to comprehend why this case was selected for reference. It is almost as if Plaintiff's counsel chose this opinion by throwing long range darts at the Federal Reporter (remarkably enough hitting a nonexistent volume!)."
"…[T]he Court commends Plaintiff for his vastly improved choice of crayon--Brick Red is much easier on the eye than Goldenrod, and stands out much better amidst the mustard splotches about Plaintiff's briefing. But at the end of the day, even if you put a calico dress on it and call if Florence, a pig is still a pig."His footnotes are even better:
"n3 Take heed and be suitably awed, oh boys and girls--the Court was able to state the issue and its resolution in one paragraph…despite dozens of pages of gibberish from the parties to the contrary!"
"n4 In either case, the Court cautions Plaintiff's counsel not to run with a sharpened writing utensil
in hand--he could put his eye out."
Pure genius. Or this paragraph from US v. Martin, just decided by the Sixth Circuit Court of Appeals which looks questionably on government lawyers. There is no cite available at this moment:
"In fact, at oral argument counsel for the United States was asked if he could explain to the Court what types of offenses or common planning the government would concede to be related for the purposes of sentencing. Counsel had no idea. Instead, counsel spoke of such sophisticated planning that it believes is required under our case law that, in my opinion, only two types of criminals would be able to benefit from it: (1) perhaps a white collar criminal who keeps detailed records of the entire plan or (2) the James Bond movie villain, who prior to carrying out some grand scheme of world domination/annihilation, feels compelled to explain to anyone who will listen and in great detail (with intermittent villainous guffaws), each of the steps necessary to achieve his plan."
But snide remarks are not limited to the opinion. Footnotes, as seen above, can be a goldmine, especially when they quote movies. This lovely opinion from the US Bankruptcy Court has a footnote quoting from the classic Adam Sandler film, Billy Madison. What will they think of next?
That's all for now.